A Cutter's Dream

I slit my wrist and feel the pain
but I don't feel the satisfaction I usually gain,
I cut it deeper to find that rush
but I can't seem to find it no matter how hard I push,
I try so hard to get you off my mind
but I can't find that relief I so long to find,
my head is light and my vision blurry
and I tell myelf this is God's fury,
next thing I know I'm awake in a strange place
and all I can see is my mom's worried face,
I see the tears in her eyes
as her sorrowful heart breaks and cries,
she helplessly asks herself why
as I take my last breath and die,
now my head is spinning out of control
and I feel as if death has taken his toll,
I open my eyes with a terrible pain
and I know I was never in death's lane,
so now I see that it wasn't what it seemed
but nothing more than a cutter's dream