The Uninvited Guest Speaker

NOTES:  This worship drama presents concepts about behaviors within the church that disrupt Christian unity.  It may fit well in worship services where the topics of Christian unity, Satan, gossip and backbiting, or spirtual warfare are addressed.


SATAN, DRESSED VERY NICELY, ENTERS.  AT FIRST HE LOOKS AROUND UNCOMFORTABLY AND SOMEWHAT FEARFULLY.  HE THEN PULLS HIMSELF TOGETHER, STANDS UP STRAIGHT AND WALKS FORWARD CONFIDENTLY.

SATAN
Places like this give me the creeps.  Nothing bothers me more than a church like this that is growing and truly trying to obey what God desires for them.  Oh, excuse me, I haven’t been properly introduced.  That’s what happens when I show up uninvited like this.  Let me give you a couple hints and see if you can guess who I am.

How about “Morning Star, Son of the Dawn”?  Does that ring a bell?  What about “Angel of Light”?  Still no idea?  You humans sure are slow.  How about Lucifer, Satan or the Evil One.  Do you get the picture now?

That’s right, you know me as Satan.  I’ll bet I’m not at all what you expected.  No little red suit, horns, pointy tail or pitch fork.  That’s one of the greatest scams I ever cooked up.  By making a caricature of myself that is so ridiculous that it can’t be taken seriously, I’ve fooled most people into thinking that I don’t even exist.  Once I have them thinking that way, the battle is half won.

Now let me tell you why I showed up as your uninvited guest speaker today.  Like I said at first, growing churches are a real problem for me.  I hate to admit it, but it looks like God has got the upper hand now.  I really thought I had that turkey Jesus nailed, literally.  That cheap trick He pulled on Easter destroyed my entire plan for you humans.  Now I have to settle for taking as many of you with me as I can when I go down.

Now let me give you a little advice - with just a little help from ten or fifteen of you I can bring this entire church to a standstill.  The first thing to do is to stop all this prayer nonsense.  Come on, this is America - land of the free and home of the brave.  You don’t need to use God as some kind of crutch.  Just go out there and do good things with your own power and wisdom.  If you’ll promise to do that, then I can run rings around you all day long.

(Pointing at the Pastor)  Another thing, stop listening to the sermons that clown over there keeps preaching.  He’s really annoying - his messages don’t have nearly the number of pleasant, empty platitudes I like to hear.  There are few things I hate more than clear applications of God’s word to daily life.  So as soon as he starts yapping, tune him out and think about something else - like the sanctuary is too hot, or it’s too cold, or the service is too long, or the Rockies, or the sale at Nordstrom’s, ANYTHING but what he’s saying.  Now if you insist on listening, the least you can do is apply the message to someone else.  Think about how useful this message would be for your spouse, children, boss, coworkers, neighbors, your Uncle Fred’s second cousin, ANYONE BUT YOURSELF.

DURING THIS LAST PARAGRAPH OF SATAN’S SPEACH, THE ANGEL MICHAEL QUIETLY WALKS UP BEHIND HIM LOOKING AT A WATCH OR STOP WATCH.

I also want to hear more griping and complaining.  You folks aren’t doing too bad in that department, but I always want to hear more.  Here’s a good example:  I want half of you to complain that the music is too new and different, not at all what you’re used to.  Now the other half needs to say that the music is too slow and boring, and you feel like you’re at a funeral.  If you’ll do this, I can drive that music director of yours into a state of absolute despair.  I’m sure if you put your mind to it you can find something to gripe about in every ministry here.  And just a couple properly worded criticisms at the right time is all it takes to suck all the joy out of any ministry.  Now be sure you don’t say anything to the church staff or leadership directly, talk to all your friends and acquaintances instead - that way lots of people can benefit from your thoughts. If you do this, there is no risk that someone could actually do something to address you concerns.

MICHAEL IS NOW DIRECTLY BEHIND SATAN.  AS HE BEGINS TO SPEAK SATAN IS STARTLED AND TURNS AROUND.

MICHAEL
(In a powerful voice) OK Lucifer, that’s enough.  Your time here is up for now and its time to leave.

SATAN
(Startled) Michael, you idiot, you know I hate it when you do that - one of these days you just might scare the Hell out of me, though I don’t think so.  (Looking around, relieved) I’m glad it’s only a second rate archangel, I thought it might be someone important. 

MICHAEL
Yes Lucifer, I know, you remind me of this every time - I am merely an angel and you are God’s most beautiful and powerful creation.  But for reasons I’ll never understand you chose to turn away and rebel.  Now you’re trying to get these people to rebel too.

SATAN
It’s not like it takes a lot of persuasion.  They just need some coaching in some of the finer points of interpersonal relationships.

MICHAEL
That’s why I was sent.  You know the rules, God always puts limits on what you’re allowed to do.  The prayers of some of these people have been answered and I’m here to force you to leave. (As Michael speaks, Satan mocks him singing quietly “Michael row your boat ashore, hallelujah” and making rowing motions)  Oh would you please stop that.  (Firmly) I command you to depart.

SATAN
(Proudly) Oh yeah?  You and who else?  I don’t think that choir or those ushers are going to be much help against one as powerful as I.


MICHAEL
I command you in the names of the Lord God of Sabaoth, His Son Jesus Christ, and the all wise Holy Spirit.  In the name of the Triune God I command you to leave.

SATAN
All right, all right, you win.  (To the audience)  See how unfair this God of yours is, three against one.  He doesn’t fight fair at all.  Who would want to serve a God that cheats like that?

MICHAEL
Depart!  Now!

SATAN
(Reluctantly leaving the stage, speaking with intense anger).  I’m going, but I’ll be back.  You may not see me, but I’ll be back next week, and the next week and the next after that.  I detest this church, its leadership and all its members!  Remember what I said, all I need is a little help from a few of you.  I’ll be doing everything in my power to destroy you all!

MICHAEL
(After Satan is gone) Even though Jesus Himself called Lucifer the “Father of Lies”, what he just said is true.  All it takes to kill your church is a series of negative acts by a few members.  And Lucifer will be back, attacking in different ways, seeking to undo all that God is accomplishing here.  Don’t give in to his temptations to attack one another.  Take courage in the knowledge that Satan is defeated and that God reigns triumphant.  Turn to God, pray for His wisdom, power and deliverance.  Serve God with all your heart, mind and soul and serve one another in humility and love.  If you will do these things, God can and will use this church in mighty ways to advance His kingdom.

You now have a choice before you.  You can either give into Lucifer’s temptations and attack each other, or you can band together and pray for God’s help in defeating Lucifer’s attacks.  God has given each of you a free will - chose wisely, because the future of your church depends on it.