Chapter 6: Envy and Shame

Will leads me to his chambers. Like a true gentleman, he steps ahead of me as we near the door and holds it open. My legs are numb, I am floating. I step inside the dim room. For a brief moment I am mesmerized by the superfluous adornment in the room. Silks and sheers, flowers and candles, gold plates and fancy tapestries fill every possible unfilled space. In a daze, I follow him to the curtained bed on the far side of the room. He helps me lay down and pulls a stand with a bowl of fruit on it nearer.

He takes a small, round, purple fruit and holds it to my mouth. Unsure of what it is exactly, I hesitantly eat it. It is plain and bitter at first but after I crush the membrane with my teeth a sweet juice pours into my mouth. It is unlike anything I have ever tasted before. He feeds me a few more before rolling me over onto my stomach. I feel my body unvoluntarilly tense beneath his touch. I can feel his small, warm hand on the small of my back and it is somewhat comforting. I cannot help but to expect something more to come.

He puts pressure on me with his hand and I resist pulling away. A wave of disappointment and anxiety rushes over me. This is what you are here for. Try to leave and they will kill you, stay alive and you could possibly escape. escape to what, though? I lay still as I can with my eyes closed. His hand moves up my back and to my shoulders then back down. Every time he nears the small of my back I cannot help but flinch.

After several minutes of a rhythmic massage, my body becomes indifferent to where his hands might glide. He puts the most pressure between my shoulder blades and with his hands he makes his way to the curve of my neck. He brushes his fingertips gently behind my ears and it sends a chilly sensation all the way down my back and ends in a tingling ball in the pit of my stomach.

Skeptical to this gesture of kindness, I still anticipate some sort of sexual contact to come. He makes a kind of sound I have heard far too little of and it reminds me of my little brother. He has such a childlike laugh that I can't help but to feel comfortable in his presence. "You're so tense, you know that?" he says and presses firmly between my shoulder blades again. My body teems with sensation but I still lay as quietly as possible.