Chapter One

Chapter One

         Yes, I realize I’m writing in a blue marker. I could even switch to PINK if I wanted to. But that is beyond the point.
         So what is the point? You ask. Well that’s simple. In all reality how do people view teenagers? Alcoholic pot smokers. That’s what. Well, who says we are? Some of us care about our body and aren’t stupid enough to ruin it with drugs and alcohol. I mean really...
         I have goals too you know. Have kids, a nice family... be successful and be in love. I mean I love life and pretty much everything about it. But what are you supposed to do when your world suddenly comes crashing down? I’m still trying to figure that out.
         I mean I had gotten out of middle school finally and I was a freshman. I know everybody always says that they hate their freshman year, not me. I loved it.
         There was this guy and we had been going out a while and I was sure I loved him. He was the man of my dreams. Or that’s what I wanted him to be. Months went by and we started having sex, it was my first time so it was attaching, like they always say it is. Thing is... I turned into one of those teenagers... where all I cared about was sex, drugs and alcohol.
         I knew it wasn’t me. But I couldn’t STOP!
         About a month later he moved out of town. I was devastated. Sure my friends were there to help me but nothing worked.... I was in some sort of FOG and couldn’t get out. It depressed me so, more drugs and alcohol to substitute against the sex I wasn’t having anymore. In some ways it was relief. No more worrying about if I was going to miss a period.
         I remember the first time. It worried me. Because I knew that if I were pregnant then my parents would know I was having sex and my life would definitely be over. I mean, I was nervous about being pregnant which made me more stressed and being more stressed makes me late.
         I needed help. I needed to get away from the drugs and alcohol. But I didn’t know how. I tried to go to my friends but by then they had left me, and I was alone. I picked up nervous habits like chewing my fingernails and picking at my face. I stayed at home all the time and kept myself away from the people that I used to hang out with, the alcoholic pot smokers.
         I got better, little by little and I started to go to church. (One of my old friends invited me... one that I knew in middle school.) I quit the drugs cold turkey. I didn’t need that anymore. The only reason why I started that in the first place was because of that guy. He got me into everything and I hated him for it. Once I went to church I got better. I even started to write a song to get rid of my anger for him. I call it ‘Stupid’

Stupid

(Enter lyrics here)

         I was becoming a happy person again. I was hanging out with my old friends. The ones that treat me right and love me for exactly who I am today, not who I was in the past. Stupid wasn’t there to bring me down and I was going up. My grades improved, my attitude improved and I even got rid of one of my nervous habits. (I still chew on my fingernails) I had decided to become a teacher. I hadn’t decided on what kind though.
         One day though I was walking out of school. Spring was in the air and the smell was intoxicating. All of the fresh flower smell wafted into my nose and I took a deep inhale of the lilies, daisies and honeysuckle. I was walking out to the bus and I took that first step on and turned to find my regular seat next to Liz. Stupid. Drop dead. That’s what I wanted to do. Drop dead. He was 1) there and 2) in my spot. All the feelings I had for him in the beginning of the school year came rushing back and up to the reddening of my face. I turned around right into Liz and ran off the bus to the other one that went on the opposite side of town. I found Holly and cried on her shoulder all the way to her house.
          “I thought he was gone,” I sobbed.
          “I know hun,” She said, patting my back with ease.
          “I hate him! He’s so stupid!” I went on and on about him and how I hated him and wished that he would never look at me again. I called my mom and asked if I could stay at Holly’s house for the weekend. She said yes. Holly and I stayed up almost all night long just talking about what had happened before. When I was with him. We finally got to sleep at about 3am when we crashed on her couch. I didn’t sleep very well, but it was better than nothing, I assumed. When we woke up it was almost noon. We had brunch and she decided that I needed to do something fun.
         She thought that we should invite all my friends over that afternoon, go to the mall and then have a “we don’t need boys” party. I thought that her idea sounded fabulous. So we called up everyone and told all the girls to meet us at the mall. Holly even secretly invited a guy that I had a crush on. I blushed when I found out about it. All my friends gave me a giant hug when we got to the mall and told me it would be all right. Apparently, they found out about it. Already!! We ran around the mall trying on clothes and telling Tommy to tell us how we looked in them. There was even this dress that I tried on. It was the prettiest dress I think I’ve ever worn. It was blue with silver accents going down the side of the dress. When I walked out of the dressing room Tommy just dropped his jaw in amazement and couldn’t take his eyes off of me. All my friends clamored around and giggled about how pretty I looked. I had to admit, I looked fabulous!!
         Towards the end of the day Tommy and I had really gotten to know each other. A couple times we even held hands. But each time only lasted for a second before my friends giggled, pointed and dragged me away to another fabulous dress. By the last outfit we tried on the mall was closing so we all had to hurry out. Tommy had to go now; it was time for the party.
         The party wasn’t anything too special. Just ice cream, movies, hair, make-up and ice cream. There was chocolate, strawberry, vanilla, mint chocolate chip and of course we had toppings, galore!! Peanut butter, strawberry, chocolate, caramel, butterscotch, blueberry, and don’t even get me started on sprinkles. This time we stayed up all night long and did those things that we used to do in 5th grade.
          “First one asleep gets their bra in the freezer!” Exclaimed Danielle with a giant grin on her face.
          “I won’t fall asleep. I could stay up all night,” Megain said with a yawn.
          “I bet you five bucks she falls asleep first,” Alesha bet me.
          “I’m not betting, I know you’ll win. Megain always falls asleep first” I said to her, as we laughed silently at Megain’s expense.
          “Let’s make cookies,” Holly said, out of the blue. “Really gooey chocolate chip ones that we can crush up and put in our ice cream.”
          “Mmmm,” We all joined in together.
          “Do you have chocolate chips?” Danielle asked
          “Yep, the little tiny ones.” Holly said with a grin on her face, “I was hiding them so you wouldn’t eat them all.” Looking directly at Alesha.
          “Oh, come on. I wouldn’t have eaten aaall of them.” Alesha denied the fact that she was a major, chocoholic. Remembering back to the first time we let her hold the bag of mini-chocolate chips. She ate more that three-fourths of the bag and we only had the remaining one-fourth to use for our cookies.
         The rest of the girls giggled silently, knowing she would have ate them all. I got out the sugar. Danielle got out the flour. Megain got the recipe off the Internet, while Alesha got all the little ingredients like vanilla, eggs and corn syrup and Holly already had the chocolate chips in her hands. We all giggled and stirred the big bowl of cookie dough, trying not to eat it all before we cooked them. Alesha read off the recipe and said that the bigger the cookies are the gooier they are supposed to be, if we do it right. And since we are all cookie-baking queens, we had no problem with this. We reminisced about all the times we had together in middle school and how much we missed it. We talked about how we were almost sophomores now and no more “freshman this, and freshman that”.
         They all sat up that night and talked about the good times. Trying not to focus on him. Even though it was on every girl’s mind. Questions were in everyone’s mind, questions like ’What happened?’ and ’Why?’ ‘Why?’ was always the popular one. The later it got the more tired people got and their intelligence was greatly questioned. Megain fell asleep first and Danielle threw her bra into the freezer.
         Finally, the question slipped. “So, what happened between you and him?”
         It grew silent and cold in the room and all the girls stared at Alesha while I just stared at the floor.
          “Melanie?” The questions grew louder and I just sat there.
          “Ok,” I said, “I’ll tell you.” I said, getting sick of their questions, and sick of my lies. I told them the story. Not a word came from one of their mouths. Megain had even regained consciousness in the middle of the story and sat there lying awake. When I was done with my story nobody said anything for a long time. It was quiet in the room. Not a calming quiet either. It was eerie. Like someone was watching us.
         Danielle turned towards the window and all of a sudden there was a ‘rap rap rap’ at the window. Everyone looked towards the window and saw a dark figure run away from the window. We all screamed. We were freaked out. We didn’t know who it was or why they were hanging around her window but it was creepy.
         We ran upstairs screaming and ran to Holly’s mom.
          “There was a guy, downstairs, and he knocked on my window!” Holly told her mom, scared and frustrated. Then, Holly’s dad came inside laughing.
          “Randy!” Holly’s mom, Vanessa, exclaimed, “Why did you do that to the girls?”
          “It was funny,” he tried to say with a straight face, but he failed miserably as he busted out laughing with his one hand holding his gut and the other was held over his mouth.
          “I’m sorry girls,” Vanessa said as she turned to the group of girls huddled together at the top of the stairs, glaring at Holly’s father.
          “Not funny, dad.” Holly said as we all turned around and went back to bed. By then we were all really tired and wanted to be left alone so we could get a smidge of sleep before having to wake up the next morning and go to church, or go home, depending who you were.
         Not much happened in the last couple hours except snoring and deep, deep sleeping. In the morning Holly, Danielle and I got ready for church while Alesha and Megain’s mothers came to pick them up.
         By this time I loved going to church. It was a sense of comfort and relief. The people accepted me for who I was and didn’t know who I was. Going with Holly and Danielle made it easier and more enjoyable. The sound of the choir singing all the songs I grew up with was a comforting sound to my ears. But, just like every other good thing in this world. It didn’t last. Holly, Danielle and I are usually the last people to leave, because we mosey around for a while, and just talk to other people. Today was different though. We had come in late because we overslept—go figure—so we were towards the back and we felt like just getting out of there.
         Big mistake. We walked out of the church to him he had a gun to his head and as soon as he saw me walk out, bang.
         Everyone screamed and all the little, old ladies who were following us out of the church almost fainted over onto the cold sidewalk if their equally as old partners hadn’t been there to catch them. The pastor, having heard the shot and then the screams, came running out of the church and he kneeled down next to him and said a prayer.
          “Lord, please let this man be in your grace as he faces your judgment today.”