Secrets

Secrets

Do you have secrets? Of course you do, everyone has them. I have secrets that I will take to the grave and ones I have shared with my special, certain someone. Not everyone knows everything about me. Not everyone knows everything about you, what are you hiding? This is about those individuals with dark secrets, ones you tell and ones you take to the grave. So I hope you enjoy and please don't keep what I write a secret, for if it were I would not be writing it.

I was walking down the street to the park where I always go too. You see so many people with so many broken pasts. I sit there in my favorite spot, the bench that looks over the river. This is the place where you can see everyone in the park. The sun was warming my body as I watched all the people. I saw kids and dogs just having fun. I began to also notice all the people who were lost in a moment, others were watching their kids, or playing with their pets, looking so happy. It made me begin to wonder what they were thinking about, what they could be hiding. It brought to mind something that had happened to me that was so dark and painful. Did they also wonder if they could go back in time and change what made it happen or could keep it from happening at all? How about the ones that are emotionally tormented, do they want to be someone else?

I notice people all the time, some have that distance in their eyes. It tells me if only you were aware... knew who I really was... I believe there is a part of you that only you know. The part that you don't talk about, suppress, dark and scary, maybe you are even haunted by it. What about those people who are on the outside dark and scary who appear to be mean. Do they have a second life no one really knows about? Are they sweet and volunteer to certain programs? They think, people know me, as I am, how would they react if they really knew everything.
I have walked by someone and caught their gaze, and for one second truly saw 'them'. Maybe someone catches your gaze and they get to see you for half a second. How do you feel after ward? I felt sad, alone and hurt. You ask your self why can't I just be who I really am and just be happy with my self. I believe having hidden desires to be something that is either wrong or sinful. I have obsessions or desires that is not of good mind. Vampirestic or demonic fantasies that just would be socially frowned upon and there are people out there who may have the same dark thoughts. I go threw them all the time and just have to ignore it and wonder, was I once these things in a past life? Why do I get pleasure from thinking about these things? What is wrong with me and how do I fix it? I feel like I am the only one like this and catch myself hoping to meet other people like me that live a life of secrets and have the same fantasy's, but is that shameful as well?

There are different kinds of connections you get when catching a glance from someone. For a split second you know that this person is more then what you can see. They just know things that not everyone should know. Those secrets should be kept secret, for they just might scare you. They might know your future and know what is going to happen to you. Sometimes more then we all would like to admit those things that some can see in your future is not always good. Perhaps they can see death or a broken family about to happen. Maybe these types of glances are angels watching over you, reminding you of something, or even warnings. I will tell you at first hand, once you have had one of these experiences you will never forget them.

One time I was in a restaurant, sitting with my ex and friends. Across a couple of tables I noticed this long curly blond haired lady. She has this flowy skirt on and she looked so dream like. When she got up and walked past my table, we both looked at each other. No one noticed our connection and for a second, times stopped. I believe that either she was an angel of some sort or maybe someone that just knows things that are meant to be just for her. Till this day I do think of her, I wonder if I will ever see her again.
Does this lady that I saw for a split second watch over me, who is she? Are thoughts such as this better kept a secret, could she have been from my past life? I sensed that deep down we did and do know each other.
I remember one day my mom was driving back home and I was in the passenger seat. I looked out my window to see a school bus drive past us. I looked up at one of the windows to see a young boy about the age of 15, give or take. He looked at me and I looked at him. We smiled and knew we would never see each other again, but a stranger would not forget a smile. At times you see someone and see their anger, you want to hold them. You don't go up and hug someone that you don't know, especially in this day of time.

There is a different other kind of connection you can get by looking at someone for a split second. They're the ones you can look at and want to kiss or wonder if that is your soul mate. That connection will stay with you for the rest of your life. I can't tell you how many times I see someone and wanted to be with him or her but for some reason it just didn't happen, maybe it was not meant to be in this lifetime. Maybe if it were to happen it would end up in a broken heart anyway. Then there is this, 'if you don't try you won't know'. God put people in our lives for a reason, not just for the sake of having someone. There is a reason for everything and everyone even you.

I see brave souls that live out their secrets, taking the abuse, and getting frowned upon. I personally give them credit for doing what their heart wants them to do and not what is acceptable. You have people that want to be vampires all over the world, sucking blood and all.... Who is to judge what one person does is wrong or right. In one person's eyes that person is vile, perhaps they would even consider them evil, and yet they are not. To that person it is their life and dream to be who they want to be. Not everyone can be so open and say, "This is me and no matter how it is looked at, I carry my lifestyle with pride and accomplishment, I dared to LIVE". Some secrets once shared will reveal that there are people just like you and want to meet you. You would be surprised and maybe start living your deepest fantasies and you will feel so much more comfortable with your self.

What I love about this day of time is that more people are being able to share or even live out their secrets. You have more people comfortable in their own skin, such as homosexuality. Imagine how it feels to want to be something other then what you are. You want to live out your dreams but there are people in your life that stops you. There might be a fear of living out these dreams or for your own reasons and I can think of a handful. It takes time and patience to be who you want to be. It is the most wonderful feeling to be whom you want and not care about what others thinks. You can look in the mirror and be proud of your self. Like I said, for the ones that are not living out your dreams, it takes time and patience. I am in the progress of finding my self now. I am now trying to live out my dreams and do what is good for me and not for someone else.

What I should do more often is pray for the ones you see for that split second. Pray and ask God to watch over them and keep them safe from harm. I know since I was 16 or so I prayed that my soul mate be taken care of and watched over. I will admit that once in a while I pray that God watches over my ex's and keeps them safe. No matter how bad someone is, you can still pray for the good part in him or her. I see the good in the bad and it is not the best quality to have, you get hurt in the end. I believe that people I have dated was for a reason. I shared with them my hope and love, the belief of a greater God.

I also believe that there are many religions and hold some truth; not one is wrong or right. We are all human with emotions and want to love someone. We all have been loved whether we want to admit it or not, we have a heart that doesn't want to be alone. We all have been hurt and bruised and we all want a shoulder to lean on. Remember we all have our secrets and dark minds that no one, not even ourselves want to see. You need to see it and know that one day you will be happy. You will find what this whole life is for. Unfortunately, some of us may not find ourselves till our dying day. When you're meant to find your self you will.

They see more and just sense things that are beyond your understanding. I have heard that they can see angels and energy in the air. I have done it myself numerous times; in sadness, looking into an animal's eye, and when wondering if there is more to this life then broken hearts. The times that an animal knows when too come to comfort you. There are times you will notice that your animal will come to you more on certain days. I feel every animal has a purpose, whether to protect, love and/or heal. So there is not only a reason for you but for all the animals that you see. It can be in the air, on the ground and below the dirt.

Whether you want to admit it or not, there is more to this life than what you can even imagine. So if you have fantasies or desires, you might just want to share them. If you don't know who to share them with, try asking God to show you someone. You just might be surprised and he will have someone fall in your lap, well not literally. You can have secrets of your sexuality, people you hurt or sinful thoughts. What ever your secret is, I have them too. You are not alone.

So may you continue sharing glances with other people and never stop