The Fall..

    Hello.  I wasn't expecting anyone here.  This falling into a black endless pit.  I thought I was alone.  It's nice to have some company.  I've been alone for a while now.  But I'm so glad you're here.  It's been so long since I've had anyone to speak to.  This endless falling through blackness.  The rushing of the wind in my ears doesn't even affect me any longer.  The speed of this falling is no longer vertigo to my soul.  It seems it is my natural state of being now.  I was afraid that I would have no one to tell my secrets to.  No one to share my story with.  For the duration that you are with me, I want to share with you my tale.  Yes, I am as base and as fundamental an egoist as you'll ever find.  I want my tale to be told.  I want someone to understand why I am falling through this black abyss to only God/ddess know where.  I want you to know who I was before this Fall. 

    Once, it seems ever long ago, I was a mortal woman.  Flesh and blood.  Feelings, ecstasy, joy, pain, love, life, children, work.  That was me.  That was my life.  I lived.  I loved.  I hoped and I dreamed.  Ten years ago, I found my soul.  Well, I guess I should be more specific.  I found my twinsoul.  I wasn't looking for anyone.  Mind you, I already had a life.  An active one.  It was one of those divine synchronistic coincidences that the sages of the metaphysical world so expound on.  When we met it was instant.  I knew who he was.  He knew who I was.  Our souls wrapped around each other and held fast.  Life being as it was, things didn't work out.  He was married.  I was at the time also.  But love..ahhh...love.  The thing the poets and bards sing of.  That was what we experienced.  Being one with the other.  Knowing each other's thoughts and feelings without even saying a word.  That was how it was with us.  But, alas, we had to part due to others, time, and the veritable world around us.  It broke my heart.  However, I managed to go on, to get through my life without him, as sad and as depressing as it is, I did manage. 

    Then a decade later, he found a note I had written.  A message left in a bottle and thrown into the oceans of time.  I had written him many many letters.  Pouring my love and my heart out in words that only the fish and the sharks would ever see as the bottles floated by in the waters.  He found this message.  He reached out for me.  He came back to me.  We talked.  We cried.  I told him of the child we had created that I had miscarried when he had went away so long ago.  He came to me.  We touched.  We made love.  We spoke of things that only we could understand.  We shared.  We laughed.  Love's flame never dies, it only smoulders waiting for the tinder to ignite it into the blaze of glory that it was.  And that is how it was with us.  It was if time had never touched us.  I was him, he was me.  We planned out future together.  This time it would be different, he said.  This time we would be together.  This time we would have the life that we so desperately wanted together.  He said that whenever I felt as if I was sliding into that pit of despair he would be there to catch me.  I would never again be alone.  And I promised the same.  Then reality came crashing in.

    We could never say goodbye to each other.  Not really.  Again, situations and cirumstances were obstacles that seemed to block out path back to each other.  Lies told.  Unrealistic fantasies played out.  But it is what it is.  His silence was the final blow.  The stony cold quiet of a rock wall that is impenetrable.  I could'nt find my way around the citadel.  He was closed to me.  I felt as if I was walking an inexonerable path towards a cliff that I couldn't see.  My footsteps echoing dully on a shattered heart.  The feeling of being pulled towards one's destiny that you can't fight.  I stood on the edge of that precipice.  I could feel the cold icy wind blowing through my spirit.  I could feel the tug of the abyss.  My feet wandered of their own accord closer to the edge.  One more message...no response.  I felt the edge of the cliff begin to crumble under my toes.  My body beginning to pitch forward of it's own accord...

    So my new friend, that is where we are.  I fell over the side you see.  I waited for the inevitable splattering of my body on the shale below, but as you now see,  there  doesn't seem to be an end to this.  Just a falling of the soul into deeper and deeper depths of darkness and aloneness.  The howling of the wind as you descend beyond mach speeds is enough to drive the sanest of the sane into the grips of insanity.  It seems as if it has been eons of unforgiveable time that I have even shared the tiniest fragment of my soul with someone.  I am grateful that you were here with me, if even for a little while.  You must leave now.  Deep in the marrow of my bones I know inherently that the end is near.  You shouldn't be here.  Go and live my new friend.  Go and love.  Even that which you curse, love it.  Bless it all.  Look around you and love those in your life as if you haven't another day to live.  For you never know when you might not...  I feel the bottom of this abyss fast approaching.  Will I shatter into a million pieces?  Will I explode into one instant star shower?  I ponder these things as my misery is finally going to end...


    addendum footnote:  Deep in the Sahara Desert unseen by human eyes, a brilliant meteor shower explodes, spreading irridescent shimmering sparkles into the parched sands.  Flowers and vines burst into life across the desert floor.....