My Love

I slowly set myself in the scalding water, wincing with pain as my muscles gradually relax. The dullness of silence caresses me. It wasn’t too long ago that I shared a night like this with someone who I actually love. But now, I’m left empty, with hot water and a ton of thoughts swimming about in my head. Memories of yesterday creep up on me and as I try to push them away, more come. There’s no use in trying to deny that I’m in love. It’s just so hard to believe that I am. The water cools slowly, and I relax just a little bit more. The tenseness that has become so familiar these days refuses to go away sometimes. I’m grateful that this time it decides to subside. The day has been long, yet uneventful. As always, thoughts of him had awoken me. I dreamt of him last night, as I tend to do.
Steam from the water is now evaporating at a slow, but steady pace, as I think of him. What he means to me is beyond the description of words and even if it weren’t, there wouldn’t be enough words to cover the entirety of how I feel. And he doesn’t even know this. The phone rings and I curse aloud. I get out of the water reluctantly. Stepping into the coolness of the hallway makes me shiver as I reach for my phone.
“Hello?”
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Just taking a bath. Who is this?”
“John.”
“Oh! Hey, what are you doing?”
“Not much, just sitting around. Thought I’d call you. I meant to when I got off of work, but food was calling my name, so I had to eat. Then I forgot.”
I laugh at his words. “So nice of you to consider me in your phone calls.”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because you’re with Kalyn.”
“So? That doesn’t mean I can’t call you. What’s up with you and Danner?”
I sigh. “I broke up with him a few hours ago.”
“Why?”
“It’s complicated and very hard to explain.”
“It wasn’t because of Billy again, was it?”
“Actually….” I start to get quiet.
“Alexis?”
“I’m here. Yeah, it was because of Billy. I’m still not over him. And I probably never will be.”
“It’s ok, Alex. I’ll take care of Danner. Just don’t jump into any more relationships unless you know for sure you like the person you’re with.”
“Thanks, John. And you know who I like. Other than Billy, because you know I’m in love with him. He’s my first love.”
“I know you still love him. And I know who you like. But I can’t make that happen right now. I’m still with Kalyn, and you know that.”
“Yeah, John, I know. But, hey, I’m gonna let you go. I hear some hot water calling my name and I need to relax. Thanks, again.”
“No problem. You know I’m here for you. And I’ll call you later.”
“Okay.”
“Bye.”
“Later.”
I hang the phone up. John is the only one who could ever replace Billy’s hold on my heart. And he doesn’t even know it. Billy is the one I love and I always have, but it has never and will never work out.
I go back to my bathroom and slip back into my no longer scalding water. I lie there until the water is completely cold. I stand up to dry off, shivering as I grab my towel. As I step out of the bathroom and into the hallway, the phone rings once more.
I grab the receiver.
“Hello?”
“Alexis? Is that you?”
“Yeah, who is this?”
“Cameron.”
“Oh, hi. How did you get my number?”
“Sandra gave it to me. Do you remember me?”
“Um, yeah. We met at the club a few weeks ago, didn’t we?”
“Yeah, your friend Crissy introduced us.”
“I remember now. So what’s up?”
“Not much. Just calling to see if you are going back to the club tomorrow night?”
“I haven’t really thought about it.”
“Come on… Sandra will be there. We can just hang out.”
“Okay, Cameron. I’ll come.”
“Cool. Well, hey, I need to run. I have a meeting that I have to get to. See you tomorrow?”
“Definitely. Later.”
“Later.”
I smile a bit as I set the receiver back on the hook. Cameron, a guy a little younger than me, was always so hyper and ready for action. And he’s actually what I’ve always wanted in a guy. I just haven’t noticed it yet.
I walk into my room and started rummaging through dressers to find clothes to put on. I end up in beat up jeans with the knees cut out. I throw on a hoodie without a shirt or bra and put on a little make up. Hastily decided, I conclude that I’m going to see John for a few minutes at his house.
I get into my car and drive like I always tend to do. Purposely, I break every major traffic rule just for the hell of it. I pull up to John’s house a little after eight. I get out of my car after flash checking myself in the rearview mirror. I don’t even get halfway across the porch when John opens the front door, smiling.
“I had a feeling you might come to see me after we got off the phone,” he said, confidently. I smirk at him. “Well, I could always leave and make you wonder why I showed up and didn’t stay.” Being sarcastic was one of my high points. Being brutally honest was another. What a joy I am to be around when I get pissed or aggravated, although I was neither at the moment. I was only glad to hear he expected me and that I had not paraded in without welcome.
“Well, are you gonna come in or are we stuck outside?” John asks, giving me his infamous side-look. I laugh at him. “I guess we can go in. Unless you want to be stuck outside. I mean, last time I checked, you didn’t mind being stuck with me anywhere.” Damn, I was so sarcastic. Oh well, if it bothered him, his face didn’t betray his emotions.
We walk inside and he leads me to the living room. I look around – he’s changed the furniture. Last I had been here, the couch was old and worn out. Before me now sat a newly purchased sofa, complete with reclining sides. He gestures for me to sit. Instead, I reach over and give him a hug. Grinning, he looks down at me. He starts to make the move to kiss me, thinks twice, and double takes.
“Why is it every time I’m with you, I always forget for a split second about Kalyn?” he asks me. I smirk at him. I want to be sarcastic, but I choose not to. “I don’t know. You tell me,” I answer in a sweet voice. He sighs and lets go. I sit and turn my head to look at him. He walks across the room, then turns around, comes back, and sits next to me. He looks me straight in the eyes. “I don’t know either. I want us to have something other than friendship, but you’re friends with Kalyn… I don’t know how that would go,” he replies. I sigh in answer to his thoughts.
“John, I can’t decide for you. Yeah, I’m friends with Kalyn. But she doesn’t care for you as much as she tries to make you believe. If she did, it’d be her on your couch talking to you right now, not me,” I answer thoughtfully.
He stares at the floor. A slight fidgeting starts in his legs. Wow, he’s actually nervous about this one. I can’t believe it. For as long as I’ve known John, he’s never been nervous or shy. Intimidated by my badass approaches, maybe every now and then. But only because I’m that good. Overly confident? Perhaps.
John starts, “I… I… Damn! Alexis, I think I love you. But I don’t know wha…” I cut him off with a kiss. Yes, I betray my friend who really isn’t a friend anyway. How middle school of me. But I kiss him. “I’m not sure we should be…” he tries to say, but gets lost in the kiss again. He runs his arms around my waist while I gently touch his face. Next thing I know, he is pulling me into a straddling position atop him.
I stop kissing him and look down in his face. I’ve never seen his eyes from this angle, and I realize how much of a need and want is glistening in them. I can tell he has wanted this for a long time. And I’m sure my face says the same thing. Damn, what am I about to do?
He reaches up for my face and pulls me down into a tender kiss. I kiss him back with all the passion I’ve been holding inside for so long. As our tongues explore each other’s mouths, his hands start exploring my body. Gently grazing my chest outside of my hoodie, he discovers I’m wearing nothing underneath it. “You came prepared for this, didn’t you,” he whispers. “No,” I reply. Honestly, I didn’t. What? Don’t you believe me?
He smirks at me, assuming the opposite of what I just said. His right hand starts to caress my left breast as his left hand pulls the bottom of my hoodie up. I help by completely removing the stupid thing.
He stares into my eyes as my breasts harden with anticipation. He slowly brings his mouth to the skin in between them and kisses softly. I feel a small moan build in my throat and I’m so tempted to yell for him to do something already.
With a knowing look at my face, his mouth encloses around my right nipple. Remember that moan that was building up? Yeah, that came out. I feel his mouth form into a smile and I smack him in the back of the head. “What was that for?” he asks. I lean down and whisper, “You should know.” Before he can respond, I overtake his mouth in a kiss again.
His hands resume massaging my chest while I reach down to unbuckle his belt. My hand brushes over the hard surface under his jeans. His breath sharply intakes. He pushes my hands aside and finishes unbuckling and unbuttoning his pants. He then reaches over and unbuttons mine. I rise up enough for him to pull them down to my knees. He notices I don’t have on underwear, but doesn’t say anything. Smart guy.
He reaches in his pocket and takes out a condom. Who was prepared, huh?? He puts the condom on and then picks me up by my hips. Gently, he starts to enter my body, which at this point is still tight and vaguely wet, as he sets me down on his lap. Another moan escapes my throat. The size of him is just this side of pain.
He makes a quick decision to switch our positions and before I know it, I’m under him on the floor. I have to give him props – he did this all without exiting my body. Brownie points for him. If I had a cookie, I would give it to him. But I do believe what we’re about to do will be reward enough. But he does exit my body, long enough for him to completely tear my pants from my legs. He reenters and soon after he starts to slowly grind into me.
My hands enclose around his back as his movements become more fluent. He finds his rhythm and speeds up. There’s a certain place inside of me that not many guys can maneuver their way to caress unless they’re using their fingers. But John could. God, he could. He plays over that spot continuously. Not so little moans start escaping from my mouth by now.
You could call me kinky to an extent, because as I feel that warmness build inside of me, I set my teeth into his shoulder. Yeah, I like teeth and nails with my sex, thank you very much. Things that would otherwise hurt just flat do it for me when I’m getting down and dirty. The pain turns to pleasure. So what.
I can feel his pulse quicken under my mouth. Apparently, I’m not the only freak between the sheets. Though this time we are neither between the sheets or on a bed, for that matter. As he continuously speeds up, I taste metallic liquid. I pull my teeth away from his skin to realize that I’ve drawn blood. I start to caress the would with my tongue and I hear his voice come out in a shaky breath. “Oh God, Alexius.” I guess he doesn’t mind that I’m enjoying a little blood along with my biting.
By now, he is pumping so hard and deep that the length of him is hitting my cervix. This side of pain, I swear. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that he knows exactly what I like. Pain with pleasure. Hell yeah. He loses rhythm for a second and I immediately know that he is close to letting go.
“Are you close?” he asks in a breathy voice. I don’t answer verbally. Instead, I drag my nails down his back. He screams, not in pain, but with pleasure. At that moment, we both let go. As we surrender to orgasm, I dig my nails farther into his skin and scream. My voice is lost in his as he yells my name and finally collapses on top of me. A small chuckle escapes his mouth.
“What the hell are you laughing at?” I ask as I feel the blood start to well from under my nails. He tries to raise up to gaze into my face, but his whole body is shaking and I know he is still too weak to move. He falls back on top of me, but manages to take himself out of my body. “I always knew you’d be good, but not this damn good,” he whispers.
I laugh at his words and kiss his neck. “You always did seem to underestimate me, John. I know what I like and anyone willing to go that far with me usually likes the same things.” He chuckles again and tries to move. This time he is able to roll onto the floor beside me. He throws an arm around my waist and offers for me to stay the night. I am just about to say no when I realize how insanely tired I am. “Sure. But just for tonight,” I tell him. At my response he sighs. A few moments later and he gives into a content slumber. I smile to myself and cuddle closer to him. I don’t usually prefer to sleep naked, but this is an exception. I let sleep take me and, for the first time in months, I fall into a complete dreamland where I don’t wake every hour or so….