Finding Time To Grieve...

I stood there, I was frozen,

I watched my dreams all pass,

They fell down through the barrell

As my eyes looked to the past.



It's not the end I'd wanted,

It's not the one I'd seen,

There were no friends to say "I love you"

As they'd been there in my dreams.


I wished away my fears,

I tried to make them leave,

I wanted to erase the pain,

And end this life in peace.


No hugs, no smiles, no words of love,

My heart had drowned in tears.

No one to say, it's all wrong,

So it was time to face my fears.


No time to waste, in looking back,

The time was here and now.

Give it up and pull the trigger,

And forget these selfish doubts.


My hand had found the grip,

And gave it quite a squeze,

At last I found the times of love,

As I dropped down to my knees.


A hug from mom, when I was sad

A pick up game, I'd played with dad

The trusting eyes, in my little brother

A heart felt talk, from my grandmother.


It's all wrong, this can't be real,

I can't imagine the pain they'll feel.

My blood is scattered all on the floor,

The horror they'll find, when they open the door.


My heart is slowing, the air is scarce,

The pain, no match, to seeing them there.

It finally happened, my mom appeared,

Her heart was broke, as she held me near.


I wrapped my arms around her,

I tried to make her see,

It wasn't real, this hadn't happened,

It had only been a dream.


I told her that I loved her,

And I was sorry for the doubts,

But she wasn't listening to my words,

My eyes she hadn't found.


I looked to see her dissapointment,

To hear her finally speak,

But then I looked away from her,

Saw my body at her feet.


How could this be, I'd just hugged her,

I'm fine and feel no pain.

I know it hadn't really happened,

But my corpse in blood still laid.


Confusion overcome me,

Not believing what I'd seen.

Eternal damnation is what I'd found,

To watch my family grieve.



~Sha~