Familiar Landscapes

I felt my back hit the floor as Cyrus overpowered me with his masculine arms.  I laughed loudly trying to push my way up from the floor.  He laughed back at me “Your face is red as a tomato” that was because I was really putting all my strength into my arms but he was just too strong.  One glance into his beautiful eyes and I went limp then he just sort of fell on me.  We were practically nose to nose, I could feel our lips coming together it was like a magnetic force field we were so drawn together but his mom burst into his room.  She held a steady look of discomfort “What are you kids doing?” she asked setting a laundry basket on the floor “We were wrestling mom” I saw Cyrus blush.  He rolled off of me and got up I held my hand out to have him pull me from the floor he gladly accepted.  When I came up I was in his arms my cheek brushed slightly against his chest.  My heart fluttered and my cheeks flustered I knew I had never felt this way before.  Sadly I might never feel this way again.
         For some time I had known about my cancer and chose not to tell Cyrus.  I didn’t want to spoil our moments together with sadness and unpleasant thoughts.  Most of all I didn’t want him to pity me or look at me and think, “Poor girl she’s already dead.”  I wanted if anything for him to see me as a fighter and I was brave in the face of death.  I just wanted to spend every waking moment with him because I had no way of knowing when it would be my last.
         Joanne shot us a questionable glance while putting Cyrus’ clothes away “Well, you just be careful with her Cyrus she’s…” she stopped in mid-sentence because I knew she knew, her and my mother were best friends since high school I gave her the please-don’t-tell-him-yet look she obliged and finished her sentence “…women are very delicate.”  He just shrugged and took my hand and when his mom turned her back to us he kissed the back of it softly and pulled me closer.  She eventually left the room after giving us fair warning not to lock the door or close it all the way. 
         Once we were alone again he wanted to wrestle again but I was feeling very weakened and I was growing weary.  My cancer makes me weak very easily.  I begged off and sat on his bed he was beginning to notice something was wrong with me.  I used to be very energetic and active.  He sat across from me and took my hand I looked up and we locked gazes, I burst into tears.  I couldn’t help crying my heart was heavy with feeling.  One the one hand I have terminal cancer on the other I have this really loving, great boyfriend.  The two didn’t mix well.  I’m not scared of death I overcame that fear when the doctor told me there was nothing else he could do.  It was the fact that I would have to leave Cyrus behind that he couldn’t follow me into the afterlife, at least not right now. 
         I was afraid Cyrus might never move on when I pass.  But I didn’t want him to be shocked if I died suddenly and he had no clue as to what happened or why.  The thought of him growing up and marrying someone only left me to wonder when he is called Home will he and I be together again?  Will he remember me?  Will he still love me like he does right now?  All those questions I felt would never be answered until I asked Cyrus myself.  I felt selfish for wanting to ask those questions.  That’s when I knew it was time to tell him.
         He was trying to sooth me “It’s okay” he kissed my hand again.  “No, it’s not okay Cyrus and I don’t know if it will ever be okay” he started reassuring me I cut him off “NO!  You don’t understand please let me tell you why it’s not okay” he stopped talking and gave me a intense stare “I have cancer.”  His expression bore concern “Well your dad knows lots of doctors I’m sure…” I put my fingers to his lips “I’m sorry but they did all they could for me” for the first time I saw tears in my boyfriend’s eyes.  Second to seeing my mother cry seeing my boyfriend cry was hard on me.  We didn’t speak but I needed him to hold me close.  I needed to feel secure and I knew the only way I would be secure is if he wrapped his arms around me.  I made the first move and initiated his touch.  He pulled me into him and protectively enclosed himself around me.
         This moment would’ve been perfect if I weren’t dying.  When our tears ran dry I slipped out of his arms “I don’t want to lose you” he said in a whisper.  I couldn’t look at him “I don’t want to lose either Cyrus but we can’t control what’s going to happen” where was this coming from?  I put on a brave face for so long now I was facing the music.  “Cyrus, if I’m ever going to leave this world I have to leave with one thing…” “What?” “Kiss me please I’ve never been kissed and I don’t think I can die unless you kiss me” this was almost too much to bear for both of us.
         I had grown up around Cyrus since birth our parents mapped out our futures I was going to be a child psychologist and he was going to be a heart surgeon.  After college we would settle down and have children of our own.  My mom used to talk about our wedding she said I would make the perfect bride for him.  But like soap bubbles it burst all around me, as I knew this would be one of our last moments together.  Why is God doing this?
         Cyrus pulled me close to him again this time he placed his hand on my cheek.  I reached my hand to his and stroked him lovingly.  We were moving closer together that magnetic feeling swept over me again.  We closed our eyes and our lips met.  It was a soft and inviting kiss.  I was in his arms as things began to heat up.  My head hit his pillow as we lay side by side, intertwined.  Our tongues met, I took his hand and placed it over my heart.  We stopped kissing for a moment “This is where you’ll always stay” fresh tears started to fall.  He brought his lips close to my ear “There’s no place else I’d rather be.”
         We talked in the dark as we watched the sun set through the window.  “Will you remember me Cyrus?” “Always” came his reply.  We stared into one another’s eyes and it was then I knew I could let go.  I don’t know when we fell asleep but as I drifted I felt like I was being pulled away from my body.  White light filled my vision but I wasn’t ready to go yet.  I felt my soul separate from my body I was seeing myself laying beside him.  I heard every breath he took and watched his body rise and fall.  “I love you Cyrus,” my voice echoed “I love you too,” he said in his sleep.  I knew it was time to go.  Wherever I go I hope and I pray that everything works out.