My Father & Mother...

"Hah, hah, ha..."  I woke up to feel and hear the uncomfortable, bumpy ride I was so accustomed to waking up to.  I rubbed my eyes, and the unclear blobs, soon turned into the neighborhood crackheads.  I closed my eyes again, enduring the bumpy ride, because I didn't want my father to know I was awake.  It was easier for me to stay asleep, this way the evening would go by a whole lot faster.  Then I would be able to lisen to everything that may or may not be said.

The panting abruptly cease, which means my father found his drug supplier.  I could tell because, he would always shift me from one shouldr to the other to get his money from his pockets.  "Yo...you need to find a babysitter, man..you ain't go no business bringing your kid up in here!  I told you that shit before!  Don't bring her back in here again, if you do you ain't gonna ever get shit from me again!"  This begin the angry tone from my father's drug supplier, which I always found funny, that he even cared.  I could tell he pushed my father after he finished yelling at him, because he fell back and it scared the hell out of me, but I made sure to keep my eyes closed.  My father didn't seem phased, and I felt him readjust himself so he could pick his crack viles up off of the floor where they had fell.

My heavily panted journey began again, which surprised me, because my father usually lit up his drugs right at the crackspot.  But, tonight he panted all the way back to our house, to my surprise and joy, because it was cold as hell outside and inside the crackspot.  Trying to pretend to be sleep through him taking a hit, would have been too hard.

My father tucked me back into my bed and I heard him rush into the livingroom to light up.  I don't know why I did this, but I would go out to watch him light up.  I wanted to see what was so special about this stuff that made my father lose his job, and sell half of our stuff.  I was only 6 years old at the time, but I had an excellent memory, and it had only been a year and a half since my mother had left, and my father seemed to just completely fall off.

I always remebered my father doing everything, I was never close to my mother and it didn't actually bother me, I actually just thought it was normal.  My mother's distance from me emotionally never bothered me until one day when one of my "Uncles" were visiting.  My mother did not work, and she had a lot of brothers - they were always over visiting.  My father worked long hours, and whenever one of my "Uncles" came over, my mother would send me to one of her friends houses, but one day I guess she had noone to send me to, so she told me that she had to discuss important business, and I was to play in the backyard until she came back out to get me. 

I was only 5 years old at this time, so of course I did not listen.  It felt like I was out there forever, and I wanted a snacek.  So, I didn't knock before I entered the house, and you would have thought my mother saw Jesus Christ return.  My "Uncle" jumped up off of the couch, "What the hell?" he yelled, "I thought you said you didn't have no kids?"  I remember feeling so confused, and looking at my mother, she looked like I had just stole a million dollars from her, she started to push me out of the door and shouting "Girl, your mother is not in here,"  she smirked and pushed me right out the back door, "you better learn to knock," and she smiled and closed the door right in my face.  If I would of known what was really going on, I would have embarassed her trifling ass, but I was so confused, I just thought, my mother must be playing with me. 


I waited for a few seconds waiting for her to open up the door to let me back in when I heard her laughing.  I was bout to open the door and go back inside with a big smile on my face, wehn I heard my mother say, "That was my friend's daughter, she's a little slow...she probably thought her mother was over here...shit she probably thought this was here house!"  I felt like the wind was knocked out of me.  Then I heard my "Uncle" grumble, "Well you need to lock your damn door, she done made my shit soft...now get back on your knees and finish sucking my dick!"  I heard my mother giggling, then everything got real quiet...I was so upset,  I just started running like Forest Gump.  I felt like I was running forever, I ran until I saw a park, I sat on one of the swings it seems like for hours.  I did not know a whole lot of things at that time in my life, but I had enough since to know that my mother was not supposed to be putting my "Uncle's" penis in her mouth.