Where is She now

In 1953, a small boy was taken from the city to the nebraska farmlands. His life changed. He was small for his age and was an only child..His playmate was only his own imagination. He was a quiet boy by nature due to his restricted and strict upbringing. He was introverted and extremely shy. He had no social skills of any kind as he was raised and hidden by his father's notion, children are to be seen and not heard. Children do not speak unless spoken to. Because of these strict rules and strong discipline and high expectations he avoided his father as much as possible. His mother was the only source of "unconditional love" he was to ever know. She was passionate and compassionate and forgiving and so tender. But she was not strong.

When this boy arrived at his new home, an unpainted broken down farmhouse, he was amazed at the space he had .. He had the space to finally be at ease and totally alone..He was relieved that he could escape the direct contact of his father...He had pastures and fields to excercise his imagination. To be himself without criticism and judgement and reproach..The tides of life had turned to the better for him . In may of that same year he turned 6 years old..So young to feel so much. He attended a one room school house with a cloak room and a class room. The school had 23 other kids attending from kindergaten to 8th grade..Each grade would take its turn to go to the front of the class room to receive their lessons for the day. Drinking water was fetched with a 5 gallon stainless steel bucket. Each day 2 boys were assigned to fetch the water from a nearby farm..All drank from the same bucket with the same dipper.. The playground was equiped with a lop sided merry-go-round and a make shift baseball diamond. On his first day he sat behind a girl whose name was Roddel Crystal. She adopted him, showing him where everything was and the names of the other students.. and that thursday was music appreciation day and you could bring records from home..He could hear her talk but all he heard was the sound of her voice and none of the words... he saw her hair wrap around her face and how she smiled alot. She became his first real friend. His best friend in the whole wide world. He had never had one before..He finally realized he could connect with another and his words and actions did matter...That he could speak without being spoken to first. What he felt inside was valid and important...
As the years rolled on they became soul mates and were inseperable..She freed him from his own prison. No more walls.. He had worth and self esteem . His posture changed. He didnt walk staring at the ground when in the company of others anymore.
As he greew older he was made more responsible.. The work of living on a farm became harder.. His chores grew.. Demands were greater.. He came to know that they were poor farmers and the work was never ending..He had less time to spend with his imagination and open pastures.. He had less time to spend with his best friend..Somehow he had went from boy to young man without even realizing it..When he turned 14 he began working the fields planting and harrowing and plowing . In the fall harvesting. On a fall day in September he was in the hay field working along side neighbors putting up the hay.. Neighbors would move from farm to farm till all the hay was up.. Its was noon and time for lunch as the wives would bring Ham salad sandwiches wrapped in wax paper and potato salads and beans and lemonade and Iced tea and all would sit around the tractors or in the shade of the haystacks and talk and eat and drink..It was on such a day he learned Roddel Crystal and family had moved away..No word , No goodbyes, no best wishes .. All they had shared was sealed up and would be no more. No more laying on the ground on a summer night and gazing at the stars talking about the future and what each one was going to do and be.
In the middle of a hay field on a fall september day surrounded by neighbors and family he was alone..There was no sound, no voices, no birds singing, No distant sounds of a far away tractor ... the winds blew silent thru the treetops. Time stood still. Images flashed before him .. laying on the merry-go-round , racing to the school steps, letting her win.. And the boy worked the rest of the day wanting to break out into a run all the way to the Crystal farm. He had to see for himself.. On the next school day instead of going home he went to her farm and found it empty as if she was never there..He found the door unlocked and went in. he walked up to the second story and into her room. The room was empty and seemed much bigger. He walked to the one window and stared out at the cornfield beneath him. In his mind he felt betrayed and angry and yet he understood.. Every school day he would walk to the Crystal farm and walk up the steps to her room and look out that same window..
When he turned 16 his father announced they to were moving back to the city.
He graduated high school and enrolled at the university Of nebraska.. After one year he enlisted in the United States Air Force and the year was 1966. He served for 4 years . In that time he was married and after a honorable discharge had 3 beautiful children over the next few years.
At the age of 65 came retirement from a company he had spent 33 years of his life.
On a fall day he was driving to his son's house and noticed a farmer harvesting. he could hear the sound of the tractor and the smell of freshly cut hay and he turned his car due west and 3 hours later was standing at the inroad of the old Crystal farm.. The house and barn was all that remained now.. There were no doors or windows left in the old farmhouse.. He walked to her room and again looked out the now open window and stared out at the same cornfield now harvested and bare.. After a while He drove to the old school and the school itself was gone. All that was left was the foundation where it once stood. But in the overgrown playgound was still the old iron lop-sided merry go round that wouldnt turn anymore. And he sat on its old boards and wondered where she might be. How had the past 45 years treated her.. Did she ever come back and remember .. Did her dreams come true.. Is she happy as she was then.. How might he find her...For a moment he felt desperate to know all the answers.. And then he realized for the first time in his life without her he would not be who he is now. Those few years spent with her changed who he was and the way that he saw himself. He was her hero for just a brief time and in the end She had always been his...Good nite Roddel Crystal............ Where ever you may be......And thank you.....