Stuff from blog-loose rhyme schemes and possible typos. |
These are all bits I chose because they show who/what I am/am becoming. My views have been considered offensive before, so I won't be surprised if they are again, but I feel that much of the content in here are things most people feel themselves and simply won't admit. So, this stuff is honest, possibly offensive, and often rambling, but it is what it is and I've been told certain parts are of value. Judge for yourself. -Cameron Written about/for my girlfriend, who I see less and less of due to the chores we have to do every day (work/school/etc.) restlessly i climb the walls of my room everything means nothing without you everything that i have to do obstacles keeping me away from you and im supposed to be fine with that Everyone seems to be Supposed to do it all happily i know im getting strange when the world seems arrogant i know im getting strange when the world seems wrong all the rules i should be abiding by just a flock of meaningless lies so much empty red tape keeping me wrapped tightly in place keeping me from being with you i want to break free *** If we had all the time Could we still make it fly by If sleep would let me dream Would I see you every night If I could just think Of some way to make it right Then maybe we could really be together Whenever And I've been thinking Long and hard But nothing's there No answers at all. So its an hour here A couple there That's all we can even afford to share Are people even aware Of how the world eats their time Holds them in place While life passes by Do they even want to try To make it right Do they even realize What more you can get out of just one night Life is a fantasy Convining illusion I've come to the conclusion That it's time to wake up And feel alive So alive with you Spend every free night with you Lie out under the moon With your beauty washing over me The deadlines always crash down too soon Cant even make myself leave the room Cant make myself let go of you Cant stop just holding you Try to reason it out Let myself know that I have to go Reason crumbles under those blue eyes Reason crumbles with your lips against mine Crumbles and fades from sight. *** 21 Sep. 2007 I just want to see those aquamarine eyes Just want to feel them looking deep into mine All of my time Is becoming so stale When I am not with you My colorful life just seems to get a little pale We do what we can To be together I know Just goes to show What kind of world we are in Wonder where did this begin Because this world's priorities just do not flow with mine When I am constructive and productive by your standards I feel like I am wasting my time Maybe I am ignorant naive or confused Maybe all this tenderness will turn into abuse Still I cannot seem to shake the feeling that I Have figured out what really matters in life And I can't see any money or power Coming back to warm me in my final hours I dont want to get ahead in the game Yeah you know that I would rather not even play If that would mean another minute away from your face No I dont have another minute to waste I dont want to have to try to remember your taste Being with you is worth more than anything else Right now I just dont want to be alone with myself I hope that I can someday make everyone see That we have been kept in the dark for centuries And its time to stop living so blindly You have gone and brought a change over me I am not the one that changes easily If everyone else could feel what we feel I think that reality could be so much more real I am your romantic howling at the moon I need your presence and I need it soon I am a bleeding heart that has never broken I am all those thoughts that you have never spoken I am an idea that has been set in motion I wish that I could make them all see That there is no need For the daily disease Of living at speed Of hiding yourself Inside yourself You need to just let yourself breathe Let it all be Whatever it will Just wait and see Dont ever stress Its all for the best And all this writing is just killing time Until I Can feel those aquamarine eyes Looking down into mine *** Written after a lunar eclipse in late '07. As the light is overpowered With copper brown gold and the colors embrace like lovers lost in the sky Engulfing each other in the middle of the night there's a girl somewhere alone in the cold and a boy sitting restlessly in an empty home both of them just want someone to hold they're tired of doing what they are told and the world wont allow it, no they wont stand for it they sneak around and go behind other's backs for it they hide something that should be praised by the world they hide it like all the other boys and girls so i sit here and write and try to forget about the feeling of her lips about pulling her hips into mine and i know its no good the thoughts are stuck in my mind all i can do now is kill off time or hit rewind whatever i have to do to be there again as soon as i can i'll have my arms around her and my lips pressed to hers and for just a little while everything will be right with the world. This one comes from my more anarchistic side. I'm not schizophrenic, but sometimes I seem to give up on being a good boy and go with my instinctive side. I can't afford to be a rebel, but I can at least write about what I feel at times. Again, it's more specific than most poetry... that's just how these come out. I'm howlin at the full moon Howlin to the world Tellin them all to back down Because you know I wont Let me be me And you be you All I see is paper and ink Traffic lights blink Public service gets so old Serving 1000s of calories to obese people Just doesnt hold any reward All the rats race in their wheels Spinning in space They never slack off the pace Keep on moving Moving towards success Its laughable at best I want to run wild through empty streets I want to uncover long lost secrets Want to obey every primal impulse Every ounce of testosterone simmering through my brain Want to kiss my girl hard Drive too fast in my car Throw whips on my bike Stretch them out too far Abandon my technological life support Shotgun targets in a gravel pit Shattered computer with television bits mingled into it Torch every starbucks Burn down mcdonalds Destroy all Wal-Marts Throw down with cops Laugh at the system As it crumbles to the ground Laugh as the stop lights Turn from pink to brown As Hummers collide With SUVs that soccermoms drive As news anchors' makeup Runs out and reveals That they aren't talking mannicans Just regular people Puppets on strings Pulled from above Snip them off And hear the real stories All this I want to do When the full moon appears And the chemicals inside me Rear their ugly heads Monsters waiting to be fed With chaos and adrenaline Recklessness and anarchy A potent recipe And instead I pop two benadryls Doc says it helps me sleep And go into a coma Sleep without dreams Awake in the morning Too dead to feel anything Like I felt the night before Too dead to feel anything Close to insanity Sane again I run with the other rats And never look back. *** Written after one of those inexplicable flashes of understanding and/or confusion I have at uneven intervals over the years, when I can close my eyes and take what may be comparable to an LSD trip (never tried it, but I imagine it's close to this) without ever leaving my room. sometimes my mind crushes in on itself and it won't let me think about anything real it puts words into my mouth that i wouldnt have said it puts the most ludicrous thoughts into my head i don't know if i should laugh or if i should lie dejected in bed when this happens it makes me a little crazy makes me kind of strange i'm still me at these times but it's different anyway that feeling like a head rush when you stand up to quick that feeling you get when you think you might be sick when you think that maybe you should give up when you think that maybe you've got it all figured out at last when my mind writhes around in its cage and bashes at the bars begging to be freed i poke little nuggets of thought in to keep it pacified keep telling it to calm down, let me sleep at night but the mind is nearly separate from the soul sometimes i think it's trying to take control of me at these times is that what is happening, when my head starts to pound like a separate heartbeat, that's how it sounds that's how it feals surreal and i fall back onto my bed and close my eyes and press my hands over them and little stars explode and implode and i might as well have left the world and my life and the comfy bed i travel through all sorts of epiphanies yet not one of these is now familiar to me i can't recall a single thing from these times when my mind decides thought's not up to me i just go along for the ride and it breaks free of the cage it delights in exploring the realms of me the subconscious parts that i never usually get to see is that what an acid trip feels like when youve lost the right to direct your thoughts? its not an unpleasant feeling but at the same time its frightening to see all the things it's kept hidden from me and all the problems are solved instantly the answer was the problem wasnt a problem at all i invented the problem, i wanted to take the fall and the answer is like bucket of icewater thrown into my face i lock up in shock as my mind reprimands me tells me what i shouldve been thinking instead i lay there in bed as the universe wraps around me drowns me in things i cant understand takes me through hell and through the promised land reminds me that after all i'm only one man i'm less significant than a grain of sand and i come back to myself after what feels like weeks but the clock hasnt obeyed the delusions i saw no time has passed at all i can almost feel it retreating shove it back in its cage throw away the key like it would matter anyway it will always come back always catch me offguard always make me say the wrong thing, i'll look as surprised as they feel when my mind decides to take ahold of me again when it decides its time for another trip another exploration of the unnamable things the realm of consciousness reserved normally for dreams i cant decide if i love this or hate it its a combination i want it to come back to be taken away but i also want to be able to say the things i have to to get through another day its a battle between the practical and romantic sides the same battle i fight every day of my life i want to see all these mysterious things i want to be stretched to the limits of my being i want to be dazed and confused and infused with the feeling of something greater than me the feeling satanic and heavenly the feeling of terror and yet relief the feeling i get when it comes over me and i lay on my bed and i long for sleep monotony is killing me is this a defense mechanism I see? is that all it is, this part of me? a routine i use to keep myself happy? to distract me? why then will it happen at the worst of times when i'm talking to the girl, sublime beautiful, wonderful, whoever she is sometimes that feeling decides i can't win and i can't fight it off, i give in to the game and i'm filled with bitter resentment again it drives off the ones that i so desperately need then in my solitude it comes as a comfort to me do i need therapy? no, this is okay with me i dont mind this feeling overwhelming randomly life is less interesting without that part of me life is less interesting without my mental journey my travel through time and space and mind to the places i so rarely find in life to the beach with the stars pressing in on me to the hands of the girl that makes me happy to the end of the world to the bottom of the sea to the top of the mountains to the innermost shades of me to the sickening diseased to the beautiful bereaved to the faceless company of those that need me all the emotions i've ever felt like wax under flame as they melt away nothing compares to this ten second delay that rips me away from reality and reminds me that there is always more to be seen. ***How is it that we have mad more technological advances in the past few centuries than in the rest of recorded human history, and yet life has failed to advance with our creations? The incompetence of man to keep up with his own creations World wide web and we live in warring nations Capacity for global unity yet we still live in isolation It's the separation Of morality from innovation We live in a world united by blinking lights Yet still we continue to fight the same fights Of 1000 years ago, what gives us the right To turn our enlightened thoughts to machines of blight What gives us the right? Why is it that we are so well connected Yet so many can sit alone and dejected? My dissillusioned thoughts run on undetected No one I've met has ever respected This notion of mine that mankind's ineffective Given peace we predictably turn to war We're always out to unsettle the score With the miracles we've created we only destroy more Has it always been this way? Must we always live in decay? When did the world go insane? Who is to blame? You'd think with everything we've managed to create We'd come up with a way to stop all the hate Stop all those who continue to manipulate The comman man crushed into remission We all are alike, we can all be forgiven If only someone was willing to make the change Willing to stand up and willing to say That life was NEVER meant to be lived this way Come to your senses and then you might just feel The discord echoing throughout the world Electric hum won't let me be heard I'm tired of communicating in the written word More needs to be said than ever was More needs to be done than ever could be Can't you see? Can't you see What is becoming of me As I watch you sitting there blindly Accepting the fate that they prescribe so kindly You couldn't object if you were in your right mind What hope do you have if you've been convinced that ignorance is benign? The 10 o clock news will tell you how a car crash killed While we drop bombs and the death tolls build That information isn't fit for your ears What will happen when the average person hears About the men behind the curtain pulling the strings Would we still be sitting loving material things Would we rise up in unity and overthrow the corruptors All we're doing now is hurting each other There needs to be a change but it seems too late The sickness of man a symptom of sick fate Don't let yourself follow without asking why Don't be dependent on your superiors for lies Get the truth you know the youth should rule this world We all start out with a measure of innocence Original sin is a scare tactic of those Who would try to make you drown in a sea of imaginary foes If we all continue on in this way There won't be anyone left to say That they saw it coming on the day That man's creations outpaced his compassion When we manipulated circuits into tools for distraction The day that we consciously chose loss over gain No, Not one soul will be left to say That we all should have seen it ending this way. *** If you've actually read all of this, I applaud you. That's a lot to take in in a short time, and I know much of it is rambling. But I think by now you begin to see who/what I am. That's all for now. |