aggregate commotion

my memory serves me
when I least expect it to
and fails me
when I need it most
NO ONE THINKS LIKE I DO AND IT SCARES ME
no one's as ashamed as I am
and it's coming to label me
if I would like they would
if I could like they could
if we all were as everyone else was
we could all be something better
than the next big thing

always searching for a friend
never having a point to contend
asking then grabbing
pushing then pulling
still I'm not having any fun
what is it that I've become

one day late and a dollar to my name
why is it always the same
faculties painting the picture of my sense
that tell me I know nothing less

WHAT CAN I DO TO EXTOLL YOU
WHAT CAN I DO TO BANISH YOU
WHAT WILL IT TAKE FOR ME TO BREAK ME FROM
ALL THE MISUSE I have learned from you
and all the issues I have from you

no doubt no doubt no doubt
this is what it's about
what I'm all about

friends may come and friends may go
and I may stomp on those I know
those who know me better know
that I have better places to go
THAN HERE

...feel no pain I will
feel no pain...

the choices I have are refreshing
but the end result is so similar
so simple
so diverse
yet entertaining
because I know the answers
but enjoy the missing out of what I'm losing

taking the PLUNGE
THE AIR HITS ME BEFORE I HIT ANYTHING ELSE
AND I NEED TO RELAX but
I NEED TO HIT EVERYTHING BEFORE
I hit the ground
skyyyyyyyydiiiiiiivinnnnng
lower me lower me
down
to
the
GROUND

why do I I I why do YOU...
...
complicating special phrases that turn this all
back around at you
gather your badgering and gather your instincts
and take your loaded questions
somewhere where they can't be heard
your babbling brooks cannot compare
to the babblings in my aura
one that you don't have
besides the homely glow of $$ that shines in you
when you have none

this is my turn
to say goodnight
my IM signoff
because I never know how to say goodnight
prop
er
ly
I WANT TO LEAVE ON GOOD TERMS
not just some made up jargon
peace and love
remember me tomorrow

I can't fall asleep
I'm tired of being taken care of
and taking care of everyone else
if they would like I would
if they could like I could
over and over and over in my head
I just want to sleep one night through
without having to take the world with me