Your Own Personal Demon

Cried myself asleep,
Not so unusual for someone like me,
He and those yellow begonias were all I could see,
But it didn’t matter, I didn’t fuckin make a difference.
The way he brought it up on the phone,
Made my head pound,
Made me forget where I was.
Curling up underneath grandma’s quilt,
I hid my tears beneath the sheets.
I heard his tears straight through the line,
And I knew it was time,
To finally give in to fate’s mighty presence,
This wasn’t how we were supposed to turn out.
Love had other expectations for both of us.
I choked on words, asked if it was truly what he needed.
Me outta his picture.
And he couldn’t say anything for those few minutes,
And I knew that was even worse.
I fought back tears and tried to keep myself the strong one,
I wouldn’t fall back, I would hold my ground.
I took control then, on the line,
Promised I would still be there whenever he needed me,
Like a savior I wanted to be,
I knew I needed to talk to him more than he did for me.
I said the same old lines, making them sound even sweeter.
It reminded me of a time not so long ago,
Where I made a boy cry just as much,
Just as hard,
I felt the same guilt and self-loathing.
But It was what he wanted, and who was I to say no?
He was right, and I was done.
Then I turned the tables on him,
Telling him my deepest secrets, telling him that I might have loved him,
What a fuckin sham.
I didn’t mean that, baby, I didn’t mean that.
Don’t be sad, I will be there in the morning.
Crying my eyes out among the pink petunias,
that clutter my lawn.
Wearing that dress you once adored,
Telling myself that this was just a phase,
But what a painful thing.
LONELY, I’m lonely, I’d breathe as I puked over the toilet
I was ugly, I was now a gruesome beast.
He was the one I wanted, and I thought it wouldn’t end this way,
We weren’t expecting it, it just happened.
Like fate. Like fuckin fate.
Ease your mind off the details sweetie,
I will always keep my promise.
Like your own personal angel,
Or demon, whatever you want.