Sessions

Sessions-

She was staring up at the tree in front of her when I approached.

“What’s up there?” I asked.

“Don’t know.” she mumbled, still staring.

Chuckling, I noted the amazing being in front of me. She only stood about 5’2” but she was towering. The sun setting behind her lighted her skinny frame. There was a scar peeking out from underneath her side swept bangs. Her almond eyes were fixated on a branch. Finally she spoke again.

“Can we get this over quick?”

“If that’s what you want, yes. Here?” gesturing to the ground.

“Whatever.” She sat down rather ungracefully.

“Do you remember where we left off?” she shook her head no. “Well then, let’s start a new topic. What did you do this week?”

“School, homework, hung out with friends. Ya know, the usual.” She shrugged and looked around.

“Your friends. Do they know about this?”

“Tell them about therapy? Hah! And have them think I’m crazy? No thanks.”

We had been having these sessions for a few weeks but she still seemed reluctant to open up or even admit why she was here. I have had tough cases before but she was giving them a run for their money.

“If they were your true friends, they would respect you no matter what.”

“Save me the Hallmark crap, Doc. My friends would respect me, therapy or not, but I don’t want the pity.”

“Pity? Why, because you’re getting help? I don’t understand.”

“Not pity because I’m in therapy, Pity because I need therapy. Because I’m damaged.”

“Is that how you see yourself? Damaged?”

“Aren’t I? I mean I’m here. Must be pretty messed up.”

“You’re here because your mother is worried about you.” She laughed and shook her head.

“No, She doesn’t. She cares about the neighbors and their lives. She doesn’t give a crap about mine.”

“Why do you think you have such a tense relationship with your mother?”

“Don’t Know. You tell me. You’re the shrink. She’s never liked me. I’m not what she wanted.”

“What does she want?”

“A Barbie doll. Someone to dress, make up and obey her every whim. She wants a doll, not a human.”

Silence struck for a moment. Her eyes wandered from my eyes to surroundings. I notice she does this every time she gets upset. She avoids my eyes and targets something off in the distance.

“Let’s talk about your mother. Are you upset about how strained your relationship is?”

“Honestly? Not really. I think it would bug me to have a mother who was like best friends with you. Would I like us to fight less? Sure! Of course I would. But I think we are fine most of the time. We respect each other’s space.”

“How was your mother to you as a child? Was she more involved or any less distant?”

“Not really. She was just there. Let me explain something about my childhood. My mother didn’t raise me; my brother did. Unfortunately, Mom took over around puberty.”

“Not long after your brother went to the hospital, Right?”

“Yeah, about a week after Jake tried to off himself.” She pushed her hair out of her eyes, gently twisting the short auburn strands.

“How did your mother react to your brother Jake’s suicide attempt?”

“She tried to ignore it. They kept Jake at the hospital for a few weeks, but she wouldn’t visit him.”

“Did you visit?”

“Yeah. I practically slept there.” She chuckled and her eyes glistened, remembering everything. I admired her strength.

“I’m sure your brother was very grateful for that.” She shrugged.

“He needed me. Jake would do the same if the roles were switched.”

“What did your mother think of you spending so much time there?”

“Oh, she hated it. She didn’t think it was an appropriate place for a ‘young woman of my nature’. Whatever that is. I almost envied Jake, he didn’t have to listen to her rants.”

“What happened after your brother left the hospital?”

“Mom sent him to live with Dad. I was completely jealous Jake, then.” She smiled. “He got rewarded for that? Lucky guy!”

“Have you ever thought of suicide yourself?”

“Whoa! Deep stuff now, huh doc? I guess we had to get to it sometime. No. Not worth my time.”

“But you just said how well Jake got rewarded for his attempt.”

“Sanity isn’t worth that much to me. I love Jake and I love my mother. She may get under my skin but I couldn’t do that to her. She didn’t show it but I know how it hurt her when Jake tried to kill himself. In her eyes, he chose death over her.” Tears started to cloud her eyes. “I won’t do that to her. I couldn’t.”

Neither of us spoke again for a few minutes. Her gaze fell to a bird in the tree a few feet from where we were sitting. She sniffed and threw her eyes back at me.

“So, am I crazy or what?” Her fake smile contradicted her sorrow-filled eyes.

“No, not at all. You’re just confused. But that’s normal… You’re seventeen. Who wouldn’t be confused?” She smirked at this and wrinkled her nose.

“I don’t think I’m confused because of my age. I think I’m confused because of my life. I mean, yeah I’m seventeen and that is pretty rough but how many seventeen year olds have gone through what I have? And have gone through it with my mother? There is none that I know. I’m sure they are out there, someone with a crazy mom and equally crazy family, but I’ve never met them. I can’t talk to my friends about this. Well, I can, but they won’t understand it. They’ll see the top layer and nothing else. I need someone to see my feelings and actually care. Someone I can rant to about Mom’s latest fad diet or Jake’s most recent blunder. Someone with more on their minds than which boy is cuter and which shirt makes their boobs look bigger. Somebody like me, somebody confused. Know where I can find someone like that?”

“I deal with them every day. Actually I think you would benefit with group therapy.”

“Sit in a circle and discuss my problems with strangers?”

“Not strangers, Kids around your age dealing with the same problems. People just like you described. You could do that once a week combined with our regular sessions, if that’s alright with you.”

“Then what?”

“If it works, we will cut back our private sessions till I feel you don’t need them and then you can choose to stay in group therapy or not.”

“But we will keep our meetings, right?” I nodded. She sat in thought for a second. “Ok, let’s do it.”

“I’ll call your mother tonight to update her of our decision and set you up with a group.

“Think she will be alright with that? Me airing out my grievances with strangers?”

         I rose from the ground, signaling the near end of the session.

“No, I doubt she will, but what I tell her after that will displease her more.”

“What are you going to say?” She now stood in front of me, worried.

         A smile came to my face and I started to turn back towards the park gate.

“I intend to tell her how I believe your whole family would profit from your mother attending therapy herself.” Just then, the park was filled with raucous laughter.

“You do know she will hurt you, right?”

“I think I can take her.”



         After several more sessions, the patient I described to you and I soon parted ways. She continued on with group treatment and decided to move into her father’s house. Her mother took me up on my offer of therapy after her daughter moved out. With my help, they are restoring their communication. Though they are now estranged, I do believe there is hope for their future. It will take work but if they remain dedicated, they may be able to mend their broken relationship.



         Sincerely,

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