Some over-the-counter meds: read two poems every four hours until you're regular again. |
HORSE his writing hints at genetic mischief - looks like horse, reads like carousel it lolls in sophomoric meadows grazing hippie-dippie slapstick crap and brain bloaters leave a trail of exhaust as it gallops through great classics people stare - they park by the road and gawk with binoculars children beg - their parents warn, “he’s got that look…” fogies crunch their stogies down - they squint to size him up then shake their wrinkles out “don’t bet on that pony,” they say it’s strange how his work looks different to everyone; when mosquitoes fly by they stop and have lunch THE FINAL STRAW remember Flipper? well, you’re no Flipper! hell, you can’t even swim! she pried his trembling finger away that’s it for me, she whispered SPECIAL i’ve thought about it and i don’t want to be your accident, the one you gnaw on like a bite sample at the grocery and nod in agreement over while you think about which aisle the candy is in AD INFINITUM, ABSOLUTE! (- mathematician memories) I was seventeen just prior that eighteenth year - spring was in the air and Gert was feeling frisky. At one forty-eight, just three minutes into seventh period, she turned and flashed me a glimpse of a strangely inscribed angle within her Apollonian Circle. And here’s the thing - PM and PN were by no means perpendicular! Therefore, the resulting angle fell short of ninety degrees which made it impossible to subtend the full 180 degree arc - and, of course, MN of problem four was the wrong diameter. Naturally, I frowned and shook my head. But when I looked up Gert was smiling – it had been a joke! And I knew at that moment we would marry and have six children. HAIKU HEARTBREAKER i am a haiku measurements: five-seven-five weight: just three light lines small but powerful i get to the point quickly because life is short do not lollygag i have no patience for that it wastes precious time so let’s meet today on the way to tomorrow before we age more we will have some fun with three short lines of pleasure and make memories then i will leave you like a date without the kiss and you will wonder what was that about? what’s up with these damn haikus that leave me stranded? VERN'S DECEPTION vernvernIvernvernvernvernAMvernvernvernvernvern vernvernSOvernvernvernvernvernverSMARTnvernvernvern NOBODYvernvernvernvernvernvernvernvernvernvernvern vernvernWILLvernvernvernvernvernvernvernvernvern vernvernvernvernEVERvernvernvernvernvernvernvern vernvernFIGUREvernvernvernvernvernvernTHISvernvernvern vernvernONEvernvernvernvernvernvernvernOUTvernvern vernvernIvernvernvernvernvernvernvernvernvern vernvernvernvernvernvernvernvernvernAMvernvern vernvernTHEvernvernvernvernvernvernvernvernvern vernvernKINGvernvernvernvernvernvernvernOFvernvern vernvernvernvernvernvernTHEvernvernvernvernvern vernvernvernWORLDvernvernvernvernvernvernvernvern vernvernHAvernvernvernvernHAvernvernvernvernvernHA vernvernvernvernHAvernvernvernvernvernHAvernvern vernvernvernHAvernvernvernvernvernvernvernHAvern vernvernvernvernvernvernHAvernvernvernvernvern TWILIGHT ZONE two plain butter knives sit on a crusty counter, unwashed both are tarnished, one is dull - they dream of slicing roast one day; of belonging to a fine cutlery block one says: “we gonna cut roast one day, George?” the other promises they will: “we’ll slice through the fat o’ the lamb,” he says but neither knife realizes they were forgotten three months ago when their spreader moved to Kellerville - a very sad place setting…in the Twilight Zone THE SPEECH Trust me (most people won’t) I know how you feel (a restraining order should handle it) I’ve been where you are (we’re both here now) I’ll do everything I can to help (…myself) I want the very best for everyone (so relax and shut up) We’ll work together (I’ll be your tyrant supervisor) And we’ll make things happen (introduce me to that daughter of yours) Because (gotta think fast here) I believe in a loving God (now that I’ve seen your daughter) And I believe in YOU (…if you think like I do) So can I count on your vote? (are you buying this?) Great! (sucker…) Thank you very much… LAST CALL If i were in an accident and only had a short time to say good-bye... i wouldn’t call you not because i don’t love you but because you’ve got caller id and i’d like my last call to be ANSWERED "hello, operator...got a minute?" LONELY POEM Black and white free verse seeks company of rhymed verse with iambic pentameter metrical pattern. Will try poetry in a couplet setting but am unwilling to attempt tercets, particularly in terza rima. Am open to ballads, especially with a homonym or two in them. Ditties, limericks and jingles are fun. Haikus make good quickies. But dirges and epitaphs need not apply. Been there, done that! Sorry, dirges and epitaphs THRILL ME if immortality came naturally we’d want to die for fun it would be pricey and it wouldn’t last long but it would be worth it CRICKET SONG I. dance into night and don’t be afraid they’re singing for you they’re singing for you II. the crickets do not want applause they understand how wrong it is to stand by the woods and clap III. when i was fourteen the game was rained out everyone went home but me – i went to the trees beyond the fence in left field and hummed IV. cricket-dee, cricket-doo cricket-dee, cricket-doo those are the lyrics – if crickets sing them there’s a good chance for romance, if you sing them it screws with the mood V. in a police line-up i would be afraid if i were the only person standing among six crickets VI. do southern crickets chirp with a drawl do northern crickets care VII. sing the little cricket song, daddy sing me to sleep, and don’t stop until dawn VIII. behold the mighty cricket voice tremble at their fierce wrath the quake is terrible! the quake is terrible! bloody is the foot that stomps… [from the Cricket Dirge of Samereth] IX. when time caves in i hope crickets sing just one last song for me CHILI Who likes chili? “I like chili!” Ralphie sings happily. Programmer Paul agrees, “Chili is a logical meal choice.” Nurse Nancy says, “I doctor-up chili with chili powder.” Banker Bob says, “I have some interest in chili.” Accountant Al says, “I reconcile my hunger with chili.” Fireman Fred says, “I like three-alarm chili. That’s real hot.” Policeman Pete says, “Chili goes good with doughnuts.” Old Man Oscar says, “I brake for chili, all the time.” But Candy Cow says, “I don’t like chili.” “You don’t like chili?” “No,” Mary Moo explains. “Candy and I, we eat hay.” “That’s because you’re cows,” Farmer Frank laughs. “But do you know what people eat?” “Chili!!!” CHEMISTRY LESSON she was a pouch of gourmet coffee; he was a hammer and screwdriver, used to breaking into cans everyone understood her brand couldn’t be opened with force everyone but him… - a broom to aisle five, please bring filters! WHEELBARROW ANNIE wheelbarrow annie, the bagwoman constellation located behind NGC3576 in the 4th quadrant of the Galactic Plane (a southern hemispheric star dump) would not be seen by the naked eye if it weren’t for the fact that she’s got the biggest stars in the cosmos every century, rain or shine, night AND day and sometimes night again, annie transfers poetry across the Peruvian night sky in an extremely HUGE wheelbarrow (nobody knows where she found it) seven trillion light-years UPHILL, both ways and she has an arthritic limp she carefully blends metaphors into chocolate chip star clusters (they look like cookies through a telescope) and, like a true bagwoman, she bellows loony-toon recipes while stumbling across cosmic terrain behind NGC3576 in the 4th quadrant of the Galactic Plane (heaven’s Baltic Avenue) her bigger poems cushion the bottom of the wheelbarrow smaller ones hang over the top, lopping long comet tongues on the solar winds of time if you look closely you can read some of her work (…she’s not very talented, is she) WHITE ELEPHANT as a gift this year i’m giving you my condition – my appearance, my talents, my fears, my scent my nervous habits, my favorite pleasures my child support obligation, my modest apartment both, my intelligence and ignorance; my strange behavior three thousand dollar suits i never wear but brag about seven really old shirts i shouldn’t wear but refuse to bury fourteen memories: six black and whites; eight in color some wrinkled guilt i’m tired of lugging around a belly that’s satisfied some closet tolerance i’ve neglected; a fish tank and two credit card bills that linger like drop-by neighbors you can have them [to do with as you wish] - in return, I’d like a little compassion… (wrap it in peace) CHAUVINIST! we thought they were in the kitchen, that’s where they talk – but betty overheard “women are the best thing since sliced bread” it hurt their feelings… you see, women aren’t “things” they’re people (we learned that) more importantly where does bill think bread comes from? A MOMENT ON SATURDAY Rosie, my cat – she sits by the screen staring sadly at the yard I let her out - she sits by the screen staring sadly in at me I know how my yard feels - What's up with that Rosie? LOVE POEM hey, lover, read me don't dismiss me with a click or print me out for your someday stack (yeah, I know you've been reading others) and don't grab another chip, either or sip some flirty drink that bubbles that leaves you burping and wanting more they're all temporary wanna-be's brief encounters you'll soon forget but I'm the real deal, hon I was written just for you so read me now and know ME touch me, take me in your hands memorize my shape, explore my every thought I want these words to flow from your lips I need you to read between my lines over and over again until we're both exhausted and then I want you to keep me forever as your favorite poem, that you'll always love EXCERPTS FROM THE ANNUAL FOREST ROAST bend over wind-breaker take a bough and bark your sap-soaked song of splintered insect food upon a blanket of your own dead leaves maples howled in seasonal bursts of color, oaks branched around naked all winter, and the ferns turned out to be spore losers photosynthesize this you bump on a log and stop rooting in my undergrowth! i stand here because sitting makes me break out if a building falls in the city and there isn't a tree to shade it will pigeons still roost on its ledge? (Forest humor blows over a lot of people. It's very rare, often misunderstood. You don't see mulch of it around anymore.) LITTLE ONION roll away, O little onion dark invader of the feast plopped with yellowed pomp upon my circumstance stinking without apology hoping to poison sweetly roll away, O little onion harbor master of my plate pudgy boss-man of the vittles steaming proudly over decent food that tries to make an honest meal intending to drown out gently roll away, O little onion you gussied-up prom maiden whose gown of translucent skins clings without covering and hugs without loving sinful curves that plead casually CELL BREAK-UPS You can't just barge in here. Now, get out! This womb ain't big enough for the two of us. When I count to three, you’d better split. What are you doing here? Hon, what are YOU doing here! Who is this bimbo? I can explain. Please, Veda, let me explain... How long-a we been friends, Frankie? A long time, Mr. Sausilito. I alway-za treat-a you right, Frankie? I respect you, Mr. Sausilito. You respect-a me!? You're like a father - You're een-a bed with-a my wife! Mr. Sausilito, we're looking for her contacts... (Actual conversations heard within the body during the new reality show, "Conception." Many believe the program proves people are made of selfish arguments.) DRIVEL i’m so tired i should neeed i could read a - no i mean i’m sore itred i’ve so tire ret i slip-lipperee i’n sort retiredd i sleep straight tired, I tried but mi eyes think like red hot sand i neeed bbledbed soo i go now sory NINE novices rate her work an eight but if you read carefully studying punctuation and the space between stanzas - she’s a nine THE BOSS he owns the company and never flushes the toilet -everyone acts like they want to be like him UNSCREWED one processor board a ram chip, two cd drives - they’re stacked beside my gutted PC like cyber fly pie… i can’t find a screwdriver! THE REASON people need reality tv - they have to watch something to fill up their time LUCY, THE PIRATE CAT she was shackled in a back room cage reserved for the furry doomed i suspect there had been a card game going - bulldog spit was in her good eye, a catnip smirk marked that little puss face my daughter gifted with cute-shoe perception affectionately chose her from the lot (probably because their outfits matched), and with the magic of a simple “Ahhhhh” lucy was pardoned from every past woe for a little while her limp deceived nations - the hind legs pointed south, the body moved east and though her eye patch was white dark thoughts behind it sucked up night we sang, “pussycat, pussycat, where have you been?” “london,” she hissed " - now cut the crap!" we asked, “pussycat, pussycat, what did you there?” “i killed the queen,” she bragged all that cat did, it had to be scooped so we took her to my mother, the ellie mae saint of lenawee county and today, five years later lucy is the beloved mayor of a town of 500 and plays organ at the baptist church (nobody knows lucy like i do) LIMERKUS lady from niger rode the back of a tiger he took her to lunch man from nantucket carried cash in a bucket he should have used banks hickory dick-dock the mouse scurried up the clock he ran late that day old person cromer read a one-legged homer he hopped ‘til he dropped old man from peru dreamed that he was eating shoe he woke up tongue-tied strange lady harris whom nothing could embarrass plastered without clothes old codger broome kept a baboon in his room they monkeyed around SMOOTHIE Hey there rich boy with the rich toy and the plastic sexuette, who’s your sweet thing with the bling-bling and the lovely silhouette? If you shake her will you break her, would it shatter all that class? Bet your baby don’t say maybe when it comes to getting – Assertory, here’s a story - here’s a “yes dear” man and wife. It’s her duty to be snooty and it’s his to calm the strife. Take his money, honey-bunny, then go find yourself a store. It’d be cheaper for this keeper to just go and buy a – Ordinary Tom and Jerry walking through the mall. Tom is short and chunky, and Jerry’s kind of tall. In the worry of their hurry as they passed the pizza stand, I couldn’t help but notice Tom was holding Jerry’s hand… There’s a boy who wants a doggie – Here’s a mom and little brat – You know, I’d gladly help her if I only had a bat. There’s a tub who’s dripping ice cream – Here’s a girl on the phone – There’s a janitor beside me sucking on a chicken bone… Hey…there… Sweetie from the streetie, is your wiggle just for me? Bring the motion of that ocean over to your daddy’s knee. You’re a tiny, whiney-hiney - such a pretty southern belle. I’d better look away now or I’ll likely go to – Hello, mother. Hello, father - and your family of five. Walk and smile for awhile, make it worth your Sunday drive. Little hop-and-bop-and-stoppers bounce and orbit at your knees - sorta funny when they’re runny like a little group of bees… Well, it’s crazy to be lazy and to waste away the day, but I’m glad I bought this smoothie and I surely liked my stay. Still, I have to mosie, Rosie from this carnival sideshow – Bet there’s many if there’s any who will wonder as I go. HERE LIES MAYNARD BUFORD SKUNK Here lies Maynard Buford Skunk - best behaved when he got drunk. Drank his coffee without a cup. Ate his meat while it stood up. Never brushed his teeth fer bed. Never combed his hairy head. Took a bath ‘bout ev’ry May. (Missed a year or two, they say.) But don’t you judge ol’ Buford Skunk. He sure behaved when he got drunk. PREDICTION fifteen years from now i won’t remember writing this you won’t remember reading it FAIRY TALE ENDING When I die don't buy a casket. When I pass don't dig a grave. Please don't chisel on a headstone that my life seemed very brave. Leave the blood within my body. Embalming doesn’t suit me much. And I don't want to wear make-up. Make-up’s such a lying crutch. Know that all has been forgiven. Please forgive me in return. Cherish every happy moment. Leave the ones that cause heartburn. Take me to the nearest ocean. Place me in a wooden boat. Sing a hymn to honor Jesus. Light it up and let ‘er float. As I drift into the sunset listen for my sweet shalom. Keep the faith and kiss the children. I'll be there when you come home. THE END "POOF!!" |