Numbness and rage

"Prisoner's return to your cell, from this point a lockdown is in effect.
Any prisoner seen out of their cell or causing any disturbance will be taken to the 'PIT'."

The prisoner's shuffle along the gangways in the heavy steel doors into Cell Block E1.
I walk into my cell and lie down on my bed, the door shuts and i'm sealed in my cell. I hear an amplified voice reverberating through the Block saying:

"Lights will be switched off in ten minutes. I repeat, lights will be switched off in ten minutes."

Suddenly my door bursts open and i'm dragged out kicking and screaming, i don't know who they were or why they did it but they dragged me into the shower block and threw me against the tiles.
I opened my eyes and looked up. I saw that the people were big and masked one had a blackjack another was looking at me with an evil smirk on his face sporting a knuckle duster. I try to get up but i'm belted back down by a right hook to my face.
After that they beat the life out of me. I black out.


Dear mum,

This morning i woke and all i felt was
Numbness and puzzlement.
Fright and anger.
I opened my eyes. My cell was pitch dark.
My shirt said "Prisoner 00183, Block E1, Risdon Penitentiary". I had heard inhuman voices.
Laying on that cold metal bed, I stretched my arms along my sides.
This must be the posture reserved to fit in a coffin, but a coffin would be alot more comfortable.
I do not tolerate the idea of not being ready.
But ready for what?
No, I wouldn't give way to grief.
A squeaky sound...
No, no way. It couldn't be true.
The door opened, light replaces darkness.
I will ask for a reason later. Now I have a choice to take. An easy one.
I will run the hell out of here, whatever it takes.
It's time to get a little revenge.

I'll write as soon as i'm somewhere stable,
I love you.

Roger De'errant
24/10/1998

After that first beating i made up my mind to get out.
The chance arrived the next morning in the form of a new prisoner. The guards opened my cell door and i barged through the guards. I ran towards the Wardens office where i broke into a weapons locker and withdrew a SPAS shotgun and a few cartridges, and an FP9 Semi-auto pistol. I ran out the door and grabbed a guard and threatened to shoot him.
They swallowed my bluff whole and i was able to walk out. I then ran towards the city, stole a vehicle and sped down the road towards the highway. Once on the highway i ditched the car.


Dear Mum,

I woke this morning and all i felt was,
Numbness and rage,
Fear and anxiety,
I opened my eyes, it was still dark. Dawn just breaking out the
window of the hovel i was squatting in.
Lying on this cold wooden floor.
This must be the sort of posture reserved to fit in a coffin, but a coffin would be alot more comfortable.
I do not tolerate the idea of not being ready.
But ready for what?
No, I won't give way to grief.
A squeaky sound...
No, no way. It can't be true.
The door opens, light replaces darkness.
I will ask for a reason later. Now I have a choice to take. An easy one.
I will run the hell out of here, whatever it takes.
It's time to get a little revenge.

I'll write again as soon as i'm somewhere stable
I love you,

Roger De'errant
25/10/1998

Dear Mum,

I woke this morning and all i felt was,
Numbness and sickness,
Fear and anxiety,
I opened my eyes, it was still dark. Dawn just breaking over the sea out over the beach.
Lying on this cold sand.
This must be the sort of posture reserved to fit in a coffin, but a coffin would be alot more comfortable.
I do not tolerate the idea of not being ready.
But ready for what?
No, I won't give way to grief.
A squeaky sound...
No, no way. It can't be true.
Someone walking along the beach with a dog.
I will ask for a reason later. Now I have a choice to take. An easy one.
I will run the hell out of here, whatever it takes.
It's time to get a little revenge.

I'll write again as soon as i'm somewhere stable
I love you

Roger De'errant
26/10/1998



Dear Mum

I woke this morning and all i felt was,
Numbness and pain,
Fear and ,
I opened my eyes, it was still dark. Dawn just breaking over the park benches and the turf like lawn.
Lying on this cold wooden park bench.
This must be the sort of posture reserved to fit in a coffin, but a coffin would be alot more comfortable.
I do not tolerate the idea of not being ready.
But ready for what?
No, I won't give way to grief.
I hear a voice.
No, no way. It can't be true.
The door opens, light replaces darkness.
I will ask for a reason later. Now I have a choice to take. An easy one.
I will run the hell out of here, whatever it takes.
It's time to get a little revenge.


I'll write as soon as i'm somewhere stable
i love you,

Roger De'errant
27/10/1998


Dear Mum

I woke this morning and all i felt was,
Numbness and sadness,
Fear and tiredness,
I opened my eyes, it was still dark. Dawn just breaking through the window of the cheap hotel.
Lying on this soft, cheap bed.
This must be the sort of posture reserved to fit in a coffin, but a coffin would be alot more comfortable.
I do not tolerate the idea of not being ready.
But ready for what?
No, I won't give way to grief.
A squeaky sound...
No, no way. It can't be true.
The door opens, light replaces darkness.
And a woman steps into the door, silhouetted against the white light.
My mouth drops open as i recognise Anne, my sister.
I'll ask for a reason later, i'll ask for an explanation later,
Now i just want to talk to her.

I'll write when i'm somewhere stable.
I love you.

Roger De'errant
28/10/1998