It Rains In July: The Clam Before...

CHAPTER TWO: A world Anew

(Terry)
I felt miserable and there wasn’t much that could distract from the fact. If I sat still for too long I would begin to think about it and to think about it would be too painful. I had to find a distraction, some way to block out the pain. Until a month ago I had a variety of ways I could do this. I picked up smoking, drinking, fighting… I messed around with girls, anything to distract me from the fact that I was miserable.

In the end it didn’t work, it was becoming more and more difficult to get distracted and what I had to do became more drastic. There was never a period in my life where I acted so outside myself. But it didn’t matter, I hardly knew who I was anymore. Suddenly, everything that defined me was stripped from me. It was a lot deal with… I felt like I had to give myself a new identity to go along with my new reality.

Obviously this new identity didn’t sit well with my teachers. I had been suspended from my original school four times before they decided to expel me. My second school gave me a trail period… it took me about a month to get kicked out of that school; apparently starting a fire was where they drew the line.

I stayed home for almost six months before another school agreed to take me. I could tell some serious cash exchanged hands. I promised my… I promised Gail and Andrew I would behave myself when school started. She said it was the last school that would have me… like I really cared about that anyway. I did all she said I had to do. I sighed up for the stupid Literature classes, the boring history class and the tortuous economics lessons. I missed almost a year of school playing the fool… I had to catch up some how.

I did all this knowing fully well that I intended to get expelled from that school as well.

Why?

Because I wanted them to pay… I wanted to embarrass them.

There was a knock on the door and I sat up. I was almost tempted to ignore it but I couldn’t do that. I was playing the good kid now and I had to act the part.

I got up and opened the door slightly.

“Yeah…”

She looked at me and knitted her eyebrows. It was a common sight, she couldn’t look at me without an expression that said she was worried. “How was it today,” she asked.

“Fine,” I replied, not wanting to encourage a conversation of any sort.

“Did you register for the history class and literature?”

I nodded. “That was the first thing I did,” I replied, trying to my hardest to bring a smile to my face.

She nodded. “Okay...” she smiled. “You know I’m really proud of you… you’re really applying yourself… I know it was hard but… it’s getting better… right?” she asked with hope in her voice. She looked at me and her eyes were directly on mine. I never knew how good I was at hiding my emotions until I was called upon to.

“It is,” I said, hearing the lie leave my lips. It never got easier. It got worse. I got angrier, I got sadder, I felt lonelier, more confused about it than ever before. It was such a selfish question to ask. She wanted me to say yes so she could make herself feel better… if she really cared about me, if she took the time to look she would see that it was not better at all.

She nodded and took a step forward and kissed me on my forehead. “Terry, always remember that no matter what your father and I love you… okay.”

I hated when she used those words. It made me sick to hear them. “Yeah,” I said, barely managing to say the words.

She smiled and walked away, feeling like she had accomplished something.

-o-o-
(Michelle)

I woke up the following morning with a sent tickling my nose. It smelled like wet earth. It reminded me of my childhood when I would run outside under the mango tree barefooted.

My mother never liked it when I did that. She would always threaten me by saying some kind of illness that ranged form the common cold to polio would befall me.
It was the only time I would disobey her. I just couldn’t resist the smell of the grass after the rain fell. It was a fresh earthy smell… it smelt like… genesis. Yes… that was the best word I could think of. It smelled like a new beginning, like a new life was coming… a world anew.

And that was the first thing I smelled when I woke up in the morning.

I got up slowly and looked out the window… A dark cloud hung in the sky… like some ominous omen of despair.

Sitting there I let the sight and scent full me with nostalgia. I thought about the time when everything was easier… when I was happy.

-o-o-
(Terry)
I sat in my car waiting for the rain to let up. It would seem like it was going to for a second then it would get heavier. I hated the rain…

I turned off the engine and shoved the keys in my pocket and grabbed my bag from the back seat and strapped it over my shoulder. I rushed out the car and headed for shelter. I clicked the alarm and headed up the stairs for the second day in a row.
I walked the hall looking for the room I was my literature class would take place in. I looked at the door that read six and walked in.

The teacher was a tall Indian woman with a brightly colored suit on. Her face lit up when she saw me. “You must be Terry, your mother called said you might me late.”
I frowned (like I really needed an embarrassment first thing in the morning). I passed my cold fingers through my yet hair and nodded.

“Take a seat,” she instructed.

As I walked to the seat I noticed there were less than dozen people in the class. I walked to the back of the class, where the last person was seated and took a seat in the row behind him.

“Okay… we’re doing Walcott today,” she said. “Terry I don’t know if your school chose that book but most all the other students here are studying him next year.”

I dug in my bag and fished out the new list of books I had to study for exams. Walcott was on the list. “Yeah, it’s on the list.” I said.

She smiled at the news, I had apparently made things easy for her. “Perfect. Do you have the book?”

I shook my head. I never got the chance to buy it.

“Why don’t you go sit next to someone… ah Michelle… she has all the notes on the poems we did last week… you can get them from her.”

It was funny that I didn’t notice her before in the front row. But there she was, the weird girl. I got up from my comfortable seat in the back and took my seat in the front row, next to Michelle. She pushed her book towards me so I could read the poem we were about to start but at the same time she moved her body further away.


PART TWO
.
(Terry)

I didn’t have friends anymore. At first they thought my new attitude was amusing but after a while they grew tired of it. I don’t know how I would have reacted if one of friends had suddenly started to act the way I was acting. I probably would have wanted to find out why. I mean someone doesn’t just wake up one morning and decide to do everything possible to get in as much trouble as possible. They all knew I was doing it on purpose but no one bothered to ask me why. It bothered me… and after a while I began to wonder if they were really my friends and I had decided that they were not. So they became the enemy and I began to do things to piss them off as well. It was difficult to think about it now… now that I had calmed slightly. I don’t what I was expecting. Did I think I would get psychoanalyzed by a group of sixteen year olds… not likely? I just expected too much of them. I mean they were by no means real friends but they weren’t so bad looking back on it. At least if I still had some friends I would be able to find something better to do with my time.

I walked in the back door and took my converse off and left it on the mat. It was twelve in day during the summer vacation and I was home. It was depressing. I sighed and walked through the kitchen and to the living room. Gail was on the phone talking to someone. She looked up when I walked in and smile. “Actually he’s coming in now Robert… yeah… I’ll put him on.”

Okay... it wasn’t so bad being home after all if it meant I’d get to talk to Robert. Robert was my uncle on Andrew’s side, and just about the only “family” member I could trust. When something was shitty in my life he was the first person I would want to talk to. It was weird because I had never met him as far as I could remember but it always felt like I had. He was the father I would have liked to have if I had a choice. When Andrew couldn’t deal with me… I would suddenly get a call from Uncle Robert and he would be the one to tell me calm down. He never told me exactly what to do but his tone alone made me want to do what I knew was right. It worked most of the times…

I walked up to Gail and took the phone. “Hey,” I said.

“Hey Kiddo…” his voice said over the phone. It was always weird hearing him talk the first time. I didn’t realize how heavy my accent was until I heard someone with one different from my own. “How’s it going there.”

I paused. I would tell him the truth but I didn’t want to seem like I was complaining too much. “It’s fine.” I said walking up the stairs to my room.

“You sure… you sound sort of down…”

“It’s nothing, it’s just that I have these classes.”

“Gail told me about those… Is the work too much or something.”

“No, not the work, that’s the easy part.” I said as I walked in my bedroom door. I could tell right away that Gail had been in there. She always came in my room even though I told her not to. I knew the sort of neat freak she was that she would pick up anything on the floor, so I planted clothes there on purpose.

“So the kids aren’t nice to you?”

I laughed slightly at this. “Come on I’m eighteen not twelve.”

“Seventeen…”

“I’ll be eighteen in about a month.”

“And until then you’ll be seventeen and you’re never too old to be insecure.”

I was thankful that I was talking over the phone because I knew my ears was turning red at this point. “I’m not insecure, it’s just that she a bitch.”

“Terry… be nice.”

“Okay… she is a female with a serious attitude problem.”

“So it’s a little girl who’s giving you trouble.”

I shook my head even though he knew Uncle Robert couldn’t see me. “Not giving me trouble… she’s just weird. I already have like two classes with her and one is really small and I had to sit with her.”

He seemed to think I was funny because he was laughing. “Did you ask her on a date and she turned you down.”

I shook my head again. “Hell no…I would never ask her out.”

“So it’s not a pretty girl then.”

“Uh…well…she is actually…very pretty… but that has nothing to do with it. It’s like she thinks she it better than everyone.”

“How do you know she thinks that?”

“The way she looks at people. The way she always knows everything, all the time. It’s annoying.”

“And,” he said. He always knew when I was holding back.

“And I’m pretty sure she hates me so… I’m just returning the favor.”

“How do you know she hates you?”

I wasn’t sure I wanted to tell him this because it was kind of embarrassing but I knew he wouldn’t stop until I told. “I offered to give her a ride home because it was raining and she said no, she’d prefer to take a taxi… I didn’t care but it was rude or whatever.”

“If you were a young girl would you take a ride from a guy you didn’t know that well?” he asked.

Sometimes I was amazed how he could simplify things. I really didn’t care that she didn’t want to take a ride from me but I guess I was worried that no one would ever like me enough again. Sometimes I felt good about what I was doing, I felt like I was getting the revenge on everyone I wanted but other times I felt like I was alienating myself from everyone else in the process… like I was making myself impossible to be liked. “You’re right I guess.”

“Yeah, I tend to be…”

It got quiet for a while because I forgot what I had been meaning to ask him. I got instantly nervous at the thought even though there was no reason to. “Listen… about my birthday…”

“Don’t worry kid… I have something picked out for you already.”

“Actually,” I said. “You don’t have to get me anything.”

“But I always do.”

I nodded. “But you don’t have to this year… that’s if you come down here for a week or two.”

“AH.”

“It will be like a vacation. Besides I’m really not looking forward to that father-son bonding moment. I mean Andrew is already talking about taking me for my first beer” I laughed. “Been there done that.”

It got silent on the other end for a while. “Uncle Rob… you still there?” I asked.

He spoke again but he sounded different this time. “Yeah I’m still here Kid…ah Listen I have to go… I was expecting some company. I’ll talk to you soon”

“Well give it some….” I didn’t even get time to finish the sentence before the line went dead.

-o-o-

(Michelle)
My body felt like it had been made a play thing for a horse. I felt sore. I could imagine a jack hammer being drilled on my head. He throat ached so bad, I could hardly swallow anything. And it was almost impossible to breath.

I was sick.

I hated being sick. Besides feeling like crap I had to be dependent on other people to make be better, which wouldn’t have been so bad if there were other people around. I was in a house alone and I knew it would be about a week before my sister returned home. I would be sick without anyone to help me. I hoped to god that I was just feeling like I was dying and it wasn’t actually life threatening. I wasn’t ready to die.

I pulled the sheet up over my head and squeezed by eyes shut. “I should have just taken the ride,” I said to myself.

And just like that. I didn’t like the rain so much anymore.


PART THREE


(Michelle)

It was a bad idea. I could see that now. For some reason when I woke up that morning, I fooled myself into thinking I was better or well enough to go to class. I hated missing classes, especially History classes because it was my weakest area. I was pretty good in West Indian History but I just started studying American History. There was so much I didn’t know that I felt like I needed all the help I could get. I couldn’t miss the class, we were about to read the Turner’s Frontier Thesis. I needed to learn that if I planned to study West Ward Expansion.

However, as I stood on the stairs with my hand gripping the rails with all my might, Mr. Turner’s thesis didn’t seem that important anymore. All I could focus on was the fact that I was freezing and feeling like a feather that was about to float away. I felt weak.
-
-
-
“Michelle,” someone’s voice said in a distance.

“Michelle,” I heard them call again. This time it sounded like it was getting closer. I tried to turn to see who it was but I couldn’t see. Then it dawned on me that my eyes were closed. I opened them slowly and tried to focus on the image in front me. I could see a pair of eyes slowly coming into focus.

“Are you okay?” he asked. His voice seemed clearer than his face.

I closed my eyes tightly and opened them again. This time I could see clearly. There was a mixture of amusement and worry in the pair of emerald green eyes that were looking at me. Even though I knew them there was something unfamiliar about them. I had long notice that there was a beauty to them that made we want to look into them but I would always find myself disappointed. Despite the beauty, they were the most vapid pair of eyes I had ever seen. Usually you could look into someone’s eyes and tell what they were thinking but these were like looking at a piece of beautiful stained glass. But this time it was different. I could see now that a soul actually existed beyond those eyes.

“You okay,” he asked again.

At first I didn’t understand the question, and then I noticed that that I was not standing like I had been a moment ago. I was actually sitting and my shoulders were being held steady by his hands. “What Happened?” I asked.

The right corner of his lip went up slightly. “You were just standing in front of me and then you fainted.”

“I fainted, I don’t remember fainting.”

“I don’t expect you would.” His hands moved up and down my shoulders slowly. It was the only part of my body that felt warm and for a moment I found myself afraid to look down at them. I knew if I did this he would remove them. I didn’t think I could bare it. I leaned my head against the railings and closed my eyes. My entire face felt like it was freezing, I imagined that winter felt something like that. My entire body, skin and bones felt so cold to the point where it was painful to exist. Only that place on both of shoulders felt void of pain and I tried to focus in on that.

“So,” he said slowly. “We really can’t stay here all day.”

“I know,” I said and I opened my eyes again slowly. “I think I should go home…”

He nodded. “I’ll take you home.”

It seemed to come out my like an automatic response. It was natural of me to refuse help. “You don’t have to,” I said.

He laughed. “Right,” he said in a sarcastic tone. I felt his hands drop from my shoulders and I immediately regretted my choice of words.

“Okay,” I said slowly.

He got up from next to me and stood in front of me. He took my hand to help me up.

-o-o-
(Terry)

Her skin felt warm to my touch. Her entire body seemed to be radiating an unnatural heat. I pulled her up gently. She stood up and I could feel that she was not steady on her feet. I held her steady with my hands again. “Do you still feel weak?”

She took a while before she nodded slightly. I could tell now that she was not the kind of girl who accepted help form anyone and the fact that she had to accept help form me, someone she hated, was like torture to her.

I placed my hands around her waist and took her hand and placed it over my shoulder. “Lean on me,” I said. I didn’t bother to ask her questions anymore since they were so difficult for her to answer.

We walked down the two flights of stairs we passed before. When I parked I thought it was about to rain so I parked close to the building for a quick escape. We didn’t walk far before we got the car. I fished my keys out of pocket quickly and unlocked the doors. I walked over to the passenger side of the car and opened the door and helped her in and closed the door behind her.

I got in the car and closed the door. “So where do you live?” I asked.

She looked over at me sheepishly. “Palmiste East.” She said softly.
-

I was not surprised that there was traffic, but the amount of traffic was not common. We had left the building an hour ago and we hadn’t moved much from the main road we were on.

I looked over at her, she was gazing at the rain that was beating down on the window. I don’t know what it was but something about her seemed like she was pain. “Sorry this is taking so long,” I said.

She raised her head a bit and looked at me. “There’s probably an accident up there.”
“I was thinking the same thing,” I said.

I don’t know if it was because I hadn’t talked to someone around my age for a while or if it was just her but I found it very difficult to have a conversation with her. I was nervous just to start the conversation I shifted in my seat and passed my hand ran my fingers through my hair, moving the unruly strands away from my face.

She still did that weird thing she liked to do. Sometimes while she was in class she would stare at people for long, even when she knew they knew she was looking at them. It was weird. I hated when she did that to me. In my head she was thinking the worse things possible about me. I felt like she was watching me because she knew everything about me and was disgusted by it. But looking at her now, I could tell that she probably didn’t know she was doing it and she most likely didn’t know that much about me, which was probably for the better.

Since it would have just been odd to stare back at her I looked at the car that had been in front of me for the pas hour. “So…” I said. “you have a fever.”

“Apparently,” was her answer.

“And you still tried to go to class…”

She was quiet for a while and I wondered if I had somehow insulted her. “I have to go… I’m not very good at History.”

“You were there for history class?” I asked.

She nodded. “Why?”

“I’m in that class too. Are you doing American or European.”

“I figured one country would be easier than… you know, a whole bunch of them.”

“I did that for a year, it’s kind of boring.”

Her brows came together. “You can change?” she asked.

“No, I’m changing schools in September. My old school did European and the one I’m starting is doing American.”

“So you just wasted a year learning European History.”

I laughed at this and passed my hand through my hair. “I think I know just as much American as I do European. Besides it’s not as bad as the Literature situation.”
“Eight new books to learn.”

“Not the full eight, there were two in common. I think I’ll just get the movies for some of them though. There must be a Wuthering Heights movie some where.”

She nodded. “I saw that… it’s not the entire story.”

“Oh.”

“If you’re doing The Glass Menagerie, there’s a movie that has the play word for word.”
I noticed since she started talking she didn’t look like she way dying so much, which made me less anxious. “I’ll have to get that then. What about Macbeth?”

“There must be one but I haven’t found it yet.”

I nodded. “So you’re doing Macbeth too?”

She nodded. “And an African and Indian novel.”

“Hmm, same here.”

“What school are you starting again.”

“Ahh… St. Crispin’s College.”

Her face went blank and she looked at me. “That explains a lot.”

“What?”

“Why we’re doing the same things. You’re starting my school.”

-o-o-

(Michelle)

I hated my school. I hated everything about it and for a moment I wondered if it had just gotten a little worse.

I turned my head away from him and looked out the window. It was raining heavily outside, just looking at it made me colder. I felt my self shiver involuntarily. I wrapped my hands around my waist.

“Are you cold?” he asked.

I didn’t want to complain because he had the a/c on the lowest setting. I shook my head.

It always bothered me that my expressions were so easy to read but I didn’t mind at that moment. He turned off the a/c and just cracked the window so slightly that the rain was getting in. “Thanks,” I said.

He nodded slightly. He shifted his position so he was almost facing me. “How is it there?” he asked.

“You mean at school?” I asked.

He nodded.

“It sucks…” I said with a sigh.

His lips turned up in a way that suggested he anticipated my answer.

“But you might like it though.” I added, just because I thought he wouldn’t expect me to say it.

“Why do you say that?” he asked.

Another horrible habit of mine was say things without thinking about it. “It’s full of rich and snobby people.” I regretted it the moment it left my mouth. I didn’t want to insult him… at least not at that very moment. I tired to turn my head away from him but I could see he was biting his bottom lip in concentration, trying to decide what to think about my statement.

“Well,” he said. “It must be a prerequisite that you be one or the other?”

I know he wasn’t calling me rich so he must have been calling me snobby. It wasn’t the first time I had been called snobby, my neighbors called me snobby all the time.
He turned his body away from me. He didn’t seem to be interested in asking me questions about the school anymore. There’s a kind of silence people get when their feelings are hurt. It like you know they want to say something that is equally as painful but because they’re thinking about it so hard they can’t find anything. I had hurt his feelings. I couldn’t imagine how a simple comment like that could hurt someone like him. Why was he insulted because I suggested he associated with rich and snobby people? I didn’t even understand why he cared what I thought anyway. I was no one to people like him… people who got BMWs for the sixteenth birthday, and went vacationing in Europe for summer. I was girl who had no parents and living on government checks. I knew from experience that people like him didn’t care about what people like me thought.
I was beginning to wonder when the jam would start to move. It was becoming unbearable. I didn’t like being in his car, I didn’t like having to watch my words so carefully and I didn’t like awkward silences.

-o-o-

(Terry)

“Terry,” I heard her voice call form the living room as soon I entered the door. I knew Gail had been trying to call me. I was not in the mood to talk to her. She came out and looked at me with folded arms. “Young man, do you have any idea how long I have been trying to call you?”

That was the angriest I had seen her in a while. “My phone got discharged.” The lie came out so naturally I almost believed it.

“Really,” she said. “So you didn’t just turn off your phone.”

I shook my head. “Why would I turn off my phone?”

She let out a frustrated sigh and held her head. “Terry, why weren’t you in class?”

That was something new she started, keeping tabs on me. Everyday she called to find out if I was in class. I knew she did this because I was the only person Mr. Williams asked if was present every class. It was frustratingly embarrassing. Today, I was finding it really difficult to be nice… I wanted so much to bad. I knew if I stayed there talking to her, I would ruin all the months of pretending. I walked away from her.

“Don’t walk away from me when I’m talking to you.”

I stopped and turned around. “WHAT?” I asked.

“I asked you a question, I expect and answer.”

“Why do you need a reason… maybe I just didn’t feel like going?”

Her brows frowned and she shook her head. “Don’t you care about future? Don’t you understand St. Crispin’s would not hesitate to kick you out if they think you can’t keep up with the curriculum?”

“Really,” I said. “I thought the check covered that.”

She looked at me and shook her head. I could tell she was nearing her limit. I wanted to see how far I could push her… well part of me wanted to… the other part felt guilty that I had just brought tears to eyes of the woman who took care of  me since before I knew myself. I bit lip… thinking… if I really wanted to do this. No… maybe it was just misplaced aggression. I sighed. “I wasn’t doing any shit okay.”
She closed her eyes. “What were you doing?”

I knew she would believe me if I explained it. “A friend from class got sick so I drove her home… it took longer than I expected.”

“A friend… a girlfriend… I don’t think dating anyone right now is a good idea.”

“Chill, she’s not my girlfriend. We hardly know each other… she goes St Crispin’s so we have all our classes together.”

“Did you have to drop her home?”

It totally wasn’t like Gail to be insensitive. She must not have believed me. “She fainted… so it would have been pretty shitty of me to leave her on the stairs.”

She made a face that was suggested she was relenting. “Terry… “she said. “I didn’t mean to accuse you. It’s just that… you need these classes you know…”

“Yeah…” I said. “But if it’s any consolation, she lent me all her notes… she’s like a super nerd… so that should count for something.”

She nodded.

“So can I go to my room now… mom.” I added because I knew she hated when I called her Gail.

She nodded.

I walked off and headed up the stairs. I took my cell phone out my pocket and turned it on. Gail and Andrew were the only ones who called me on that phone. I actually had to change my number after I grew tired of answering calls from private numbers that always ended up with someone yelling obscenities at me.

I walked in the room and locked the door behind me. Again, I could tell that Gail had been in my room. I grunted and threw my bag that was like twenty pounds heavier on the bed. I kicked off my converse and slammed my body on the bed and pulled opened the bag. I picked up the four notebooks and emptied them from my bag. I couldn’t imagine what subject would need two books for notes so I opened them to see what was in it.

She had a disturbingly neat small handwriting that screamed of anal personality. I laughed at this in my head thinking if she could any worse. The first book was literature notes. She had already analyzed every poem were studying and photo copied summaries of every chapter of every book we were doing. The second book was her economics books that had more practice questions that anything else. The third one was thickest and had History notes.

I picked up the last book and looked opened it. The first page had a poem or song or something she had scribbled… it read.

WHEN THE PAWN hits the conflicts he thinks like a king
What he knows throws the blows when he goes to the fight
And he'll win the whole thing before he enters the ring
There's no body to batter when your mind is your might
So when you go solo, you hold your own hand
And remember that depth is the greatest of heights
And if you know where you stand, then you know where to land
And if you fall it won't matter, cuz you'll know that you're right

Fiona Apple

I thought it was literature at first but I was sure Fiona Apple was not in the syllabus.
I turned the page…

September 3rd 2006

Shit… it was a journal.





PART FOUR

(Michelle)

When I was younger a lot of people would tell me that I had my mother’s face. My skin was the same milk chocolate color as hers, my hair fell over my shoulders they way hers did, I had dimples that would show when I smiled just like hers did and lips that give the impression that I was spoilt, exactly liker hers. But even with these similarities I couldn’t look in the mirror and see a trace of her. It was like with every passing day I saw less and less of her in myself. The image of her I had in my head was fading away. I couldn’t decide if I looked less like her or if I just couldn’t’ remember what she looked like.

I had pictures.

But pictures could never be the same as the seeing her in living color. There are some people who could walk into a room and provoke a deafening silence. My mother was one of those people. My father said men would loose their ability to speak around her. In fact she thought he himself was a def-mute for a couple of weeks before he finally worked up the courage to say something to her. I wanted to be like this, I didn’t even know why. Before I even liked boys myself, I wanted boys to like to me. I wanted breast, I wanted hips and a nice butt because I wanted to be just like her, more than anything.

It didn’t change much… I still wanted to be like her. It was by no means out of vanity but rather some desperate need to feel some kind of connection to her, to keep her alive in myself somehow.

But I wasn’t like her.

I looked at myself in the mirror and faked a smile. I hated to smile. I always felt like and idiot when I smiled. I always thought having a serious expression was better. Besides, there wasn’t much to smile about anyway.

I tried different degrees of smiling… none of them looked natural. I groaned to myself. I felt my stomach tangle in knots. I knew I was getting anxious for no reason but I couldn’t help it. I would get so nervous sometimes that it was impossible to think straight.

“What’s up with you, Shelly?” A voice from behind me asked.

I turned around and looked at my sister, Angela. I had been so busy staring myself down in the mirror that I didn’t even hear the door open. “I thought you said you’d be back tomorrow.”

“There’s a storm warning,” she said and looked at me from head to toe. “Don’t you have classes today?” she asked and twisted her mouth in a way my father used to do when he was suspicious of something.

I nodded. “But I didn’t hear about any storm warning.”

“Well it must be on news now… Wait, what are you wearing?”

I looked at myself form head to toe and shrugged my shoulders. “What?”

“A bit much don’t you think?”

“No,” I said even though I knew I took extra care to dress today. It wasn’t that I was dressed up. It’s just that I was usually dressed down.

“Shelly….” she said in a teasing voice. “It’s some fella in class isn’t it?”

“No.” I said in a laugh.

“Of course not… why did you sound so disappointed that I wasn’t still offshore.”

“I wasn’t disappointed, I was surprised.” I always got the feeling that my sister was just waiting for me to start to want to have sex. She would always try to have these older sister/ younger sister conversation with me that would make me uncomfortable. At the end of it she would always end up looking at me like I was some freak of nature. She couldn’t believe that I was being left in a house unsupervised and I had no desire to bring guys into my room.

She looked at me and smiled like she really wasn’t buying it. “Anyway, your classes will most likely me canceled so it makes no sense going.”

“I’ll still check… and I have some movies to return.”

She nodded and walked out the room and disappeared down the corridor. I looked at myself in the mirror one more time. I didn’t usually wear skirts but I decided to that day. It was a brown Indian cotton skit with cream embroidered flowers. I didn’t want to over do it so I wore it with a smile brown tank with it.

I was satisfied enough with how I looked so I picked up my bag and shoved the DVDs in the outside pockets.

-o-o-

I didn’t make it all the way up the stairs when I stopped in my tracks. The receptionist who worked at the front desk was coming down and stopped when she spotted me. “Classes are canceled, didn’t you hear… there’s a storm coming.”

I nodded… and she gave me a look that said I was the saddest person alive. “I was just checking,” I said, feeling like I had to explain myself for some reason.
I always felt the people thought I was the saddest person alive. It was something I wanted to change but I really didn’t know how. I frowned and I walked down after her. When she stopped again I felt a sort of relief wash over me because I knew now that I wasn’t the only one who showed up. “Storm warning, didn’t you hear,” she said. The male voice that I knew explained that he hadn’t and by the time I reached the landing and saw his face I knew I believed him. Terry looked like he was half asleep. “You two are the only ones who showed up.”

His eyes flashed over me and I saw the corners of his mouth turn up and then turn back to the girl. “So why are you here?” he asked the receptionist, whose name I didn’t know.

“Well I came to put up the notice,” she said like she was stating the obvious. She rolled her eyes and walked pass him. His eyes followed her until she was out of sight and then he turned to me. Something about the way he looked at me seemed different and I couldn’t determine what it was.

“So… you’re not sick anymore?” he said in a conversational tone.

“Obviously,” I said. I almost forgot the last time I talked to him I said something to insult him. I had tried to make amends for it by lending him my notes, maybe it worked.

He nodded and again he almost smiled at me then stopped himself. “Did you know… about the storm warning.”

I nodded as I walked by him.

He laughed as he walked. “And you showed up…”

“Well I have some movies to return.”

His head jerked in my direction as I said this.
“What?” I asked.

He shook his head. “You should head home… help your sister board up some windows or something. I’ll give you a ride.”

I was wondering how he knew I had a sister but I was too distracted by his bold assumption that I even wanted a ride home. “I don’t need a ride actually.”

“Yes you do,” he said. “You need to get home don’t you.”

I nodded. “But I could get home myself… it’s not raining… I could take a taxi.”

“But it’s easier if I just take you, admit it.”

I stopped and looked at him. He looked at me and raised an eyebrow. “This is my thank you for the notes and everything…”

I could sort of understand that, I did take impeccable notes. “I have somewhere to go before,” I explained.

He nodded. “I’ll come with you…”

I didn’t want him to come with me. I didn’t want it to look like I was with him. I didn’t want it to seem like I already had a boyfriend or anything. But it was difficult to say no to him without giving a proper reason. “okay..” I said and began to walk out the parking lot to the city street. He followed me closely as I wormed my way through the crowd of people who were waiting for taxis.

It was an eerie feeling, moving around while everyone else was so still. It felt like I was moving in slow motion. I turned back to look at him to see if he was observing it. His head was up to sky, looking at the thick, black clouds that were hanging ominously in the sky. “Are you worried about the storm?”

He looked at me and shrugged. We walked a little way down the high street and came to a stop in front of the store. I turned around to make sure he was still behind me but when his hands went past me to hold open the door for me. “After you,” he said.
I passed my hand through my hair to make sure it was still in place and walked in. My eyes immediately wanted to look at the counter?

-o-o-
(Terry)

I stood in the corner because I wanted to give her all the space she needed. I didn’t want to hover around like some creepy tag along… I wasn’t there for that. I was really there just to see what the fuss was about, why she was so insanely in love with this guy.

I wasn’t surprised… there was nothing special about him. Not that I knew what qualified a guy to be good enough to want to loose your virginity to but I knew… just by looking at him he was nothing to talk about. She had an exaggerated image of him in her head. He was good-looking but in a way that said he was too aware of it and he was friendly, but his manners suggested he had a motive behind it. I didn’t like him.
I walked around the store, keeping my eyes on them at the same time. I wondered what the conversation would have been like if I wasn’t there or if any words would be said at all. There was this visible chemistry flowing between them that didn’t need words. Guys spent most of their time trying to figure out what girls wanted and with her it was obvious what she wanted. It must have made things easy for him.

She paid for the movies and gave a small shy wave to him and then looked me to indicate she was ready to go.

-o-o-

(Michelle)

I could still feel the butterflies in my stomach, Marcus always had that effect on me. He was possibly the most beautiful person I had ever seen up close. His skin was the color of cinnamon and his eyes were an unnatural amber sort of color that gave him the appearance of being made of gold. I had never seen it before. I spent hours wondering what his pouty lips would feel like on mine or what it would like to run my fingers through his hair that was cut so low that it gave the appearance of smooth satin on his head. I never knew what it was to want someone until I looked at him. I never really thought much about having a boyfriend until I talked to him.
I tugged on the seatbelt and sighed. I wish I was back there with him.

“Youhavedimples,”

I know Terry was talking but I really wasn’t paying attention, my mind was back in the store with Marcus. “I’m sorry…” I said.

He took his eyes off the road for a second to look at me. “I was saying that you have dimples.”

It was such a random observation. “Yeah…so.”

He shrugged. “I didn’t notice that until just now… when you were talking to that guy… and you were blushing.”

I laughed because it was silly. “How do you know when I’m blushing?”

“You were smiling… you never smile, which is a shame.”

He was making me uncomfortable. I didn’t like that he could read me so easily. I never told anyone, not even my sister about Marcus and it made me uneasy that he knew that he knew about it. I just wished that the rain would start to fall already so we wouldn’t have to talk anymore. I didn’t like talking to him. However, he seemed to like talking and couldn’t sit quiet for more than two seconds.

“So speaking of awkward silences… I have something to return to you.” He said

“My notes…”

He nodded… “And something else.”

I didn’t really know what he was talking about because I had never lent him anything other than my notes.

“What else,” I asked.

He looked over at me and his green eyes wore a mixture of amusement and worry. “Promise not to freak.”

I didn’t like the idea that I had to make that promise. It was almost like I was guaranteed to freak out. “What?” I asked and I felt my stomach getting queasy.

“Promise…” he insisted.

“Okay, I promise… now what is it.”

He slowed along with the traffic at the light and looked at me. “Okay… I really hate it when people lie to me and I decided I wasn’t going to lie to you or try to hide it because you would figure it out eventually.”

“What?” I asked and at this point my ears were burning.

“Remember, no freaking out.”

I nodded… even though a million and one horrible scenarios where playing in my head.
I undid his seat belt and reached in the back and took up the notebooks I lent him from the back seat. I didn’t even notice they were there. He gathered them together and handed it to me and I knew right away there was one too many. I took them from him and held it firm in my hand. I had an idea what was the other book that he as not supposed to get but I couldn’t bring myself to look at it, because to look at it would be to confirm it.

“You sort of accidentally gave me your journal.”

I think my mind went blank at that point. I can’t remember exactly what I was thinking… maybe too many things were going through my head. I don’t even know how I managed to speak. “Did you read it?”

He passed his hand through his hair and sighed. “I’m not going to lie to you…”

“You read it?” I asked and he nodded slowly. “How much?” I asked, still hoping that he didn’t know every embarrassing detail of my life.

He looked at the light changing colors from red to amber then to green. “All of it.”