The Beginning of the End

The Break-Up

The Beginning of the End

By ***Silver Stars***





Alice's wet hair was making a damp spot on the back of her t-shirt. It had fresh comb-tracks running through it and a towel lay discarded at her feet. The sand was warm and the ocean was cool, nipping at her toes every so often.

"Hey." Brad came up and swept the hair off the back of her neck so he could kiss it.

"Hi." Alice's voice was quiet.

"What's wrong?" Brad sat next to her and tried to take her hand but she gently pulled it away. "Alice, what's wrong?" He sounded slightly frantic.

"It's Nate." She sighed. "I just, I-I can't anymore, Brad. I just can't." She drew her knees up to her chest and hugged them tightly, closing her eyes. "Just leave me alone."

"Alice," Brad's voice was soothing. Comforting. To Alice, it sounded irritating. She just wanted to be left alone. "Alice, it's over. It wasn't your fault. How could it be your fault? Nate was supposed to pick you up, he didn't, he crashed. It was his fault, essentially."

Alice's eyes were still closed. "Yes it was," She said. "Yes it was, Brad, and you know it. God, I just want to die. Why couldn't it have been me, you know?" She took a deep breath, "it isn't fair. I should've died. I should be dead."

"Please don't talk like that." Brad said quietly. "Please. It scares me when you do." He looked away and closed his eyes briefly. "Please."

Alice opened her eyes, "I'm not suicidal anymore, Brad." She sounded annoyed, angry even. "So can everybody quit freaking thinking I'm about to hang myself!"

Brad didn't say anything.

"God, it's like I'm a baby. I can't even go out anymore unless it's with you and sometimes you're even worse than my parents!" Her voice cracked on the last word.

Brad bit his lip, hard. "I'm sorry you feel that way." He said slowly. "I'm sorry but it's so damn hard. You flipped out on us, Alice. How are we to know you won't do it again?"

"Because I'm not an idiot anymore! Because I've already done it once and seen how fucked up it was! Why can't you get that through your head? Do you not trust me? Is that it? You can't trust me?" Alice's breathing was ragged. With a jolt, she realized Brad was crying. Quietly, but he was. His face was streaked with tears.

"I can't do everything, Alice." Brad whispered. "I can't take care of you and be your boyfriend and let you do whatever you want." He paused. "It's not possible."

The silence was louder than anything Alice could've said. Then, she said, loudly, "So you're breaking up with me?"

Brad was silent.

"You bitch." Alice stood up shakily. "You suck, you know that? I need help and this is how you freaking give it? Asshole." She turned away, willing herself not to cry. Oh please, God no, don't cry.

"Please don't be like that." Brad looked up at her. "Please don't. This is hard for me too. We can still be friends. We can still hang out. I can still help you."

"This isn't a normal situation, Brad." Alice's voice was cold. "You know it, I know it, the world freaking knows it. Don't say we'll be friends. Don't use a cliché on me. And don't ever talk to me again."

"Alice, stop it." Brad said. "I care about you." She couldn't take another second of it. One more and she'd break down crying. Then Brad would comfort her and she would pour out her soul. Just like before. Except it wouldn't be the same.

She picked up her towel and walked away, flinching at the hot sand. She could hear Brad scrambling to stand up- "Alice! Stop! Where are you going?" And she moved faster.

By the time her feet hit the pavement she realized she didn't have shoes. She didn't have a car. She had nothing. She jumped as Brad laid a hand on her shoulder, breathing heavily.

"Go away," she said icily. "You have no claim on me."

"Don't act like that," Brad said, between pants.

"It's true. And, by the way, thanks for leaving me stranded here." She realized the more she kept talking, the more it kept away her tears, which were threatening to start flowing at any moment. "You're so nice. It's really kind of you to offer to drive me here, tell me to forget my shoes and then dump me. Classy."

"I didn't mean to break up with you today!" Brad blurted out. "I never meant to break up with you ever but it's too hard, Alice."

"So I was impulsively dumped." Alice held her hands and squeezed her fingers, concentrating on not crying.

"No..." Brad trailed off. "Alice, stop." His voice had taken on the tone he'd used when Alice was still at the rehab center. When she thought she might be able to sneak cigarettes while he was around. Boy was she wrong. Even though he smoked like a fiend, he gave them up, just to teach her it was possible to quit. The memory made her laugh. How stupid she'd been.

"Why are you laughing?" Brad looked confused. He glanced around, as if he'd missed something. Alice kept laughing. Laughing was good. It was better than crying.

"I don't know," Alice tried to say but she was laughing too hard. "I just don't know." She snorted and then laughed even harder. Brad smiled weakly.

Then, she was crying. Huge, heaving sobs that made her throat ache later and gave her a massive headache. She never thought it was possible to move so seamlessly from laughing to crying but apparently it was.

"Oh, Alice," Brad said softly. Alice leaned her head against him. He's an ass for letting me do this. Leading me on, Alice told herself. But she knew she wouldn't have let herself move for the world.