Broken -beginning section of my book

As a little girl, I remember so many good times with my family. Going to SeaWorld, Florida, Michigan. My mom’s last minute weekend to Buffalo, NewYork, our family reunion in St. Louis (St. Louis was nice, the reunion wasn’t) and parties, major, major block parties. But no family is flaw proof, and mine was far from it.          
         Being adopted, I always wondered, why? Why did my birth mother leave me? Why cant I see to find her? Is she still alive? Is she looking for me? Do I have brothers and Sisters?….the questions are endless. But one thing that holds me together is the internal strength, in  knowing that God had a reason for me being here. He not only had a reason, but he even has a plan. Although coming up I was far away from the beliefs I have now. Actually coming up…I wasn’t too close to anything….except death…Growing up my world was a sick and twisted mixture, of sex, drugs and church.  And believe me…this was not a tasty cake….
         I was adopted at the  age of 4. With the understanding that I was the youngest child in a family 6. This family included 4 step-siblings(which we never considered step) from  my mothers first marriage, and then 1 daughter to her second husband, then they adopted me. Mind you, we all didn’t live, under the same roof at the same time. So no issue there. Me and my next older sister are 4 years apart. 
         My mother and father…..God love them….they are a peculiar pair. They sleep in separate beds, rarely do things together, they even attend separate churches, and if you ask them. Alycia is his child and I belonged to my mom. And that was the overall appearance of my family. A good Christian family, brought up on hard work, and prayer. 

My journey begins at the end of middle school. I attended Greensburg Salem Middle School, and two of my many teachers included Mr. Joseph Doviak, and Mrs. Greene. Basically I was in trouble most of the time. I never did my homework, was always in detention and had a nasty cocaine habit. Some of my many issues included getting arrested for having, and selling cigarettes on school property, which I got arrested for. And as soon as that I was over I got arrested for threatening a girl in my class, because I was infatuated with her boyfriend. So by the end of the year Greensburg Salem was somewhat sick me. So once all the smoke cleared they decided that if would be best if they sent me to Tech part of the day, in high school. For several reason (none of which I cared about) One being that they though that it would be good for me to get some hands on training while I was in school, another reason was to get me away from some of the many students I was having trouble with. ( It really wasn’t the kids, by the way…it was me).

June 12, 2000-Monday
Wow, I cant believe that I actually was allowed to come back to Greensburg. (really didn’t think that they cared for me). Well anyways, I’ve decided to join the band, the color guard actually. This lady named Wendy Boggs is holding tryouts in the middle school gym. My dad said that he would take me. I’m so excited. I would go to all the football games, and march down Main St and everyone would see me. (hopefully I don’t mess up) I here there are a lot of girls trying out. I just hope that I am good enough to make it. I want my parents to be happy. Besides, I hear that in band they go on all these cool trips and every 4 years they go to Disney World. How awesome is that. Well I gotta go practice so…later

Sherelle

June 15, 2000-Thursday
Wow, I made it. I went up to the band room after dismissal and they had the lists posted. I cant wait to tell my mom and dad. The notice says that there is a meeting next week for everyone who is been accepted, so that they can discuss everything. Scheduling, Band Practice, Band Camp, uniform fittings, football games, and all that…I’m super excited. The only problem is that you have to make good grades, to stay in and my grades are in the toilet right now. Well I guess I will see what happens. Having the band room as my homeroom isn’t so bad. Although its all the way upstairs, but its whatever. I’m never usually one time anyways. Well….I think I gotta walk home since I just missed the bus. No bigs…I wanted to stop and see Dawnette (my sister) anyways.

Aug. 19,2000
Well today is my birthday and basically nothing special happened, except I went to my friends and hit some powder…wow….what a hit…I know I gotta stop….one of my clients vendare ( that’s that name change thing..yeah) gave me $40 extra because its my birthday..he’s sweet…I wish my other clients were as giving.


Aug, 29, 2000- Tuesday
Yesterday was the first day of high school and I cant say that I’m thrilled. Because they are the same old kids, from last year, now Tech is cool. Basically, I do my morning classes at Greensburg, and then eat 2nd lunch and then take the bus to tech. Once there I go to shop and math.  I like Tech a lot. My shop teachers name is Mr. Hayes. But back to things at Greensburg.
         Ok, there is so much going on that I cant seem to keep everything straight. First band camp is crazy fun..we have to report at 7 and formation is at 7:15am. Then they take role call and if your not formation then your late, (you don’t want to be late) the punishment for being late is pushups for the instruments and for the majorettes and flags it was twirls and dropspins.( after 50 of those, your arms start to burn). So, then we learned marking time and we got into parade formation, which is different depending how big the band is and what songs we are playing. Then we have lunch. We usually walk over to shop n save, which is across the street. Then after lunch we break into sectionals, which is where the  band splits up and practice separately. Sectionals only lasts for about 45 min, then the band regroups for our full show rehearsals. The director is very strict, and so is miss Wendy, but I like the director me and miss Wendy don’t get along so well. I think that she picks favorites, but whatever.
Well I have to get up early so later.
                                              Sherelle

September 8, 2000
Ok. Well football season is in full swing. And its awesome! I love marching down the street and having my friends, scream and yell my name. Having everyone look at me, and sometimes I am in the front so I am the first thing they see. My parents are very happy,  they seem really proud and that I have found something to do with my time than be “running the streets” (as those adults call it). My dad used to play the drums in the drum and bugle cops (whatever that is) so he is so totally excited… I like that they are happy. The band practices 3 times a week and on Saturdays. The one thing that I love is that during the off season they have winter guard. Its like a dance team type thing, through Fred J. ( it’s a band thing). Being in band is so exciting, but unfortunately my extra curricular activities are making this hard. I cant let this come out. Then everyone will hate me. There are so many good people here in the band. Maybe if I just make some new friends, I can change everything. I mean I love music, its amazing, when I step into that street with the flag in my hand. I’m ready to perform. I love to perform! The only down side about band is…the COLD!!!! And we can’t perform in gloves. So my fingers freeze.

         I enjoyed band, actually I loved band. It was my escape from all of the internal pain from living at home. Now please understand, I had every material thing that a child could want. Me and my sister shard a room, around this time. And most of the stuff in the room was hers. In my opinion, she really wasn’t too fond me. Which I don’t blame her, she went from being a spoiled only child, who had a king sized water bed, in her own room to now, having to share a room, with a sister who peed the bed, and she had to give up her water bed and get captain beds, which later became bunk beds. She wasn’t very happy. And in all reality, neither was I.

         Me and my sister fought all the time. About everything. And please understand I was no angel. I would disappear, for hours at a time in the evening after school. Then sneak out, meet my johns, and get hi. So I wasn’t an easy child to raise. I was always in trouble for something at school. And it didn’t help that most of the kids in school made fun of me. Everyone except Jeff. Jeff Gettemy, he was so amazing. Jeff’s family owned a cleaning company so they had alittle more money than my family did…but jeff always had to work and would always me to go with him. I said look…If I wont work for my mom what the hell makes you think I’m going to work for yours. And his mom had some issues. She drank heavily and I don’t think that she liked me very much. Anynow….me and Jeff went on and off for a few months until he couldn’t stand me anymore and he dumped me for a friend of mine. Which crushed me. This is also another place where my addiction, destroyed my life.

Dec,25 2000

Well Christmas was awesome…I got a lot of stuff but my favorite thing that I wanted was this yellow fleece. I was so happy when I pulled it out of the box. Its all I had been talking about for the longest. It seemed like everyone in school had one. (and of course, I had to keep up with the latest fashion trends). We had dinner down my grandma Kirklings….it was nice. Being that I couldn’t afford to buy gifts I made them pictures, of portholes that I sketched, freehand. ( I must say I was very proud  of my work) Although I was sad to say that none of them took their sketches home with them. They left them at my gradma’s house.
                   Well I am super tired…too much food…later
                             Sherelle

Dec 31, 2000 & Jan 1, 2001
New Years Celebration 2:30am
We drove down to Covenant in Pittsburg to see Prime Minister. His music is really. Also Mc Hammer was down there  ( he preached) it was so amazing, To see famous people, that close you could touch them. And then to hear him preaching! That just tripped me up. But we had fun. (Also jut a side note if your reading this then that whole computer crash thing was a little crazy and nothing happened.) Then we went to eat breakfast and then came home…I had a good time. But its early and I’m exhausted so I’m going to bed…..
                                       Later
                                       Sherelle

Well now I finished the rest of 9th grade, without managing to get expelled, but I had enough detentions, that kept in ISS for almost a week.  And my grades, well I basically failed everything. Which was crazy,  cause I still had to attend practice and learn the routines for winter guard.  Which I really thought I would like but once I got involved I really didn’t like it. It just basically wasn’t what I expected it to be.

Now there is  a slight time gap here. I know that I was using drugs, very heavily and due to that fact, my memory isn’t that great. So I don’t have journal entries from this particular time but do  have some mental pieces.  Like I dated a boy named Dave and he lived across town. Although I didn’t know what he looked like, I decided to meet him. (big mistake!) this guy was not appealing to me at all, but he had money coming in and I needed a  place to crash while I was high And his house became the perfect spot.  Everything was fine until realized that he actually had mental problems, and he went from being an annoying ex, to a  stalker. And let me tell you just for the record ( this did not end pretty). 

2002- 10th grade

Sept. 19, 2002-thursaday
Well today is my mothers birthday and she has to work. She has the apartments in the morning and then the Housing Authority at night. I’m thinking about going to church tonight, but its too early too tell. I was invited to a party, but I cant do everything…..sometimes I hate making decisions. Me and my mom had a fight a few days ago. She said that she loved me but that I disappoint her. Which makes me so angry. The only reason that I quit color guard was because I didn’t get along with Wendy. She favorites the seniors and her niece, Candis. I hate it…..so I won’t do color guard until she quits or gets fired….which ever happens first. ( not that I care..either way.)

As you can clearly see I had a couple of issues to deal with , but one of the more pressing issues was the one, concerning my dad. My family always had their issues, but most of them I could bypass  by being in band or at winter guard. Of just being out with my friends. But you cant always hide and bypass things. There were several occasions where I couldn’t get away and had to deal with the situation. And these are the times that I got high and there was usually a fight.

All the while I had to keep up appearances, in my church and my school. I mean really, my family is very well known in the city. My mother is a private business owner and my father works at the electric company. Both of them are prominent members in the church. And highly respected. But I had to do something. Tell somebody….but I was so unsure of the results.

Also while in 10th grade was also in the school play, called "School Days".I wore a really pretty dress, that mysister had made for my neice Shamira, during Mideveal days. I sang in the chorus, for a few numbers and then had a short role in a comedy sketch.


So basically things really didnt get any better they only got worse.