Looking in the Mirror

I found myself praying today,
I prayed not for the end of war,
prayed not for the hungry and homeless.
prayed not for the earth we stand on.

I looked into the mirror and silently begged,
whatever god or goddess might exist,
whatever diety lurks in the night to protect,
Don't let me be like him.

Don't let me hear the voices,
don't let me feel the pain,
don't let it touch my children,
God, don't let me be insane.

I could see the flow of blood,
down a pure white arm,
following the path marked by blue vein,
flesh cut deep and crimson covered snow.

I can see it on me now,
with eyes wide open,
no vision in the dark,
no silent scream.

I can see clay and mud,
Washed in his blood,
What the responders couldn't wash away,
seen by me now, every day.

I cried in my sleep last night,
don't let me remember,
just make them go,
those visions that rip at my soul.

I told myself today,
Whatever he was, he couldn't change,
he couldn't control, he wasn't sane,
I found the logic, but logic doesn't erase pain.

I prayed again today,
What will be in life, will be,
when death comes, it will come,
whatever I am, I will be,
But don't let me make him INTO me.