One Step

         Just one more step to go, and I’ll be where I have longed to be for years.  Just one more step, and I would fade away.  I would have no more of the constant physical pain that has been my companion for the last two years.  There would be no more people looking through me.  My words would not be stated, so people would not have to go through the effort of ignoring them. 

         My parents would not have to worry about yelling at me to  not eat as much, even though I was 100 pounds at five foot five inches tall.  I would not have to deal with being hit when I forget to dust one spot of the furniture.  Or when I leave one water spot on the silverware when I do the dishes.

         The surgery on my knee two years ago that turned out completely wrong, chased all of the people I considered friends away.  None of my dreams would come true.  That much I knew because all of my dreams were of my low-born self getting a Cinderella happy ending.  Just one more step, and I would disappear.

         Lifting my foot, I took that one step.  But I didn’t move from my perch on top of the cliff.  Waking slightly from my suicidal daze, I realized there was an arm around my waist.  Not pulling me backward, but not letting me go forward either.  I felt the pressure against my back as the person holding me held me tightly against their chest.

         Immediately, I was annoyed.  Who was this person (a male, but the look of the arm and the feel of the chest) to decide whether or not I should leave this world.  Especially since the world itself had been giving me one hint after another that I should depart from it for the last two years.  I tried to step forward once again, a little more forcefully.  Still, I did not move.  Taking a breath, I prepared to scream at my captor, but I suddenly didn’t know what to say.

         “You look as if you’re holding the world on your shoulders, I thought you would like some help with the weight,” he said, before I could even release my breath.  His voice was soft, and had a catch to it, like he truly understood what I was feeling.  The sympathy and pity I could hear switched my emotions from annoyed to angry.

         “And what makes you think that I wanted any help?” I snapped.  I took my nails, which I had not clipped in the last week, and scraped them along the arm holding my waist.

         I heard a hiss of pain, and the arm released me.  I felt the pressure against my back was gone as he stepped away from me.  I looked at my goal, still one step away, and was tempted to reach for it.  But I had wanted to just fade away and disappear.  If this self-exclaimed savior was to witness my flight, I wouldn’t fade from existence, it wouldn’t be the same.  I had to make him go away.

         Turning around, I looked at this person who said he was willing to take the weight of the world off of my shoulders and I was shocked.  Across from me stood a boy my own age.  It looked like he was wearing a private school uniform and had an ivy league hair cut.  So obviously portraying rich boy to the seams.  Even his face showed the confidence of someone rich and used to getting what they wanted.

         “What did you do that for?  I was only trying to help.”  He said in a sulky voice, like a child that was told they couldn’t have a toy.

         “How could you help?” I sneered, “By putting your arm around a girl without her permission while she was obviously daydreaming?”  I decided to try driving him away by being the nastiest person I could be.  It wasn’t a hard act considering I felt he had just ruined my chance at an earlier peace.

         “Umm…” He stammered, obviously not thinking of it that way.  Either that, or he was so used to every female accepting his every touch that he didn’t think it possible that one didn’t like or want it.  Either way, he was unprepared for the fury I presented.

         “Look, lady, I’m sorry.  You just looked like you needed some help, someone to talk to.  I thought I could volunteer since hardly anybody comes out here,” He said.  His voice was wary at first, but got stronger as he saw I wasn’t going to attach him the moment he spoke.

         “Well, I don’t need help, and I don’t need or want anyone to talk to.  So you can pick up your holier than thou attitude and take it to some other girl,” I snapped.  I was tempted to attack him and chase him across the cliff just to get him to leave.

         But I didn’t want to move, unless it was that one step that would take me into peace.  The boy continued to look at me for what seemed to be forever and finally seemed to make a decision.  “Have it your way.  You seemed like an interesting person standing at the edge of the cliff and staring out over the forest, I hope to see you again under better circumstances.”

         The emotion in his voice surprised me.  I had been a long time since someone spoke to me and meant what they said.  I knew, though, that if I gave the boy the chance to actually see who I really was inside, as well as out, I would just be prolonging the inevitable.  As I watched him go back up the path, I allowed myself one optimistic moment where a daydream of a life with this boy came to fruit.

         The daydream did not last any longer then it took for the boy to cross the tree line.  My mind snapped back to the present and I turned around to look back over the forest.

         I wasn’t afraid to die.  I had made my peace with my fate.  I smiled as I envisioned what death would look like as he greeted me at the bottom of the hundred foot cliff.  Lifting my foot, I finally took that last step, and I flew.

         Wind rushed through my ears.  I twisted my body to look at the sky during my last moments.  I felt free.  I felt at peace.  Then I felt no more. 

         Little did I know that the boy was standing at the tree line watching me as I stepped over the cliff.  Little did I know that the boy ran to the edge to watch me die.  I thought I had faded away and disappeared.

         It wasn’t until the end of my existence, that someone finally stopped looking through me.  Unfortunately, he was too late to make any difference.