Fearless: Over The Edge

    Brian and Josh stand overlooking the crest of Niagara Falls from their observation deck. The morning sunrise is gleaming beautifully in the distance and is framing the scene.

    “So you’re for real about this?”

    “Yeah, I am.”

    “Josh, you realize how insane this sounds, right? I mean, it’s Niagara Falls. This is not just another one of your crazy stunts, man. We’re talking life or death here.”

    “I have to do this Brian, and if you’re not with me then tell me now. But I swear to you, I’m doin’ this,” said Josh coolly.

    “But why Niagara Falls? At least try something a little less dangerous first, you know; a test-run or something.”

    “A test-run?” says Josh, laughing out loud, “And how do you propose that I do a test-run of going over Niagara Falls in a barrel?”

    “I don’t know. All I’m saying is that an idea this crazy needs to have some thought put into it before you jump right in like a fat man at a Golden Corral.”

    Josh laughs, “That’s great. Now I’m being compared to a pig,” he says with a smile.

    “At least then you wouldn’t be dead,” Brian remarks.

    “Not until the barbeque,” says Josh, and both of them begin laughing.

    “Well,” Brian says thoughtfully, “if you’re going to do it, you’d better do it right.”

    “I’ve got it all figured out, man. I’ve got a steel reinforced barrel with foam padding on the inside, to protect my butt of course, a leak proof periscope built in so I can see the catalyst of this whole thing, and a waterproof hand held recorder so I can document the whole momentous occasion.”

    “It seems like you’ve thought this thing out pretty well,” says Brian with a wry smile on his face, “Any last words?”

    “Yeah,” Josh can't keep back the smile, “See you at the bottom.”

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    Josh steps into the shallow water a few miles up river from the Falls. He opens the lid to the specialized barrel that has its name, GERONIMO, on the side in black lettering. He gets one foot into the barrel, using his other foot to propel himself into the current. He slams the barrel shut and locks the latch, sealing himself inside. He then turns on the recorder and presses the red button.

    “Whew, I’m finally here. Ladies and gentlemen, you are listening to history; the very first recorded trip over Niagara Falls in a barrel. Now, I know what you are thinking. This guy is crazy. You’re insane man! What the heck are you sniffing? Well, it’s safe to say that I’m somewhat of a daredevil. This isn’t the first crazy thing I’ve done. I once jumped Brian’s car—an old beat up Gremlin seemingly passed down through countless generations—over Neckbreak Hill at close to 110 miles an hour, nearly blowing the engine in the process. Needless to say, disaster ensued. The Gremlin hit an embankment on the right side of the road, crushing the front end of the car and me. Brian wasn’t too happy about that. Three months and thirty-seven broken bones later, I was back to my old self, taking advantage of life while I could. I’m just that kind of person. I figure, if you only get to live once, why be bored? But anyway, back to the matter at hand. Not too long ago I decided I wanted to be the first person to go over Niagara Falls in a barrel and record the trip along the way. I’m not sure why I got the idea, or why I followed through with it, what with all the danger and all, but I wanted to do it and now I’m here. The periscope I installed is working fairly well. The view is a bit blurry with the water and all, but I can make out the river. It’s calm this far away from the Falls. It’s a nice ride too. I could almost go to sleep. But then that wouldn’t be interesting, would it? I can see the woods on either side of the river. There’s a bunch of trees up here in this part of the country. I noticed that when I was in New York state the other day. Tons of trees, way more than there are back home in Louisiana. It’s beautiful, hilly too; fun to drive on. Wow, I just saw a fish jump right up out of the water. It must be salmon season, the fish swimming upstream and whatnot. Cool. Animals amaze me. I mean, you have a cheetah who can run over sixty miles per hour, an ant that can lift ten times it’s body weight, a grasshopper that jumps three hundred times its height; it’s truly amazing. I’m not very physically gifted. I think that’s one reason why I do the things I do. It set me apart from the crowd of everyday average guys that I belong to. It makes me different, it makes me, me. I think I can see the edge now. Yeah the water is getting a bit choppier. I can’t believe I’m bout to do this. Okay, Lord, I love you a lot. Forgive me of my sins and protect me as I do this crazy thing I’m doing now. Amen. Okay guys, this is history about to be made. I’m a few hundred feet from the edge now. In a few moments I’ll be hurtling toward the bottom of the one hundred and seventy-three foot drop. Wish me luck. I’m at the edge now. I’m going over. Whoooooooo!!! Ahhhhhh!!!!!”

    (sounds of roaring water in the background, followed by a huge splash)

    (almost a minute of silence)

    “Ugh…”

    (coughing sounds)

    “Uh...ahem, wow, that hurts. I think I bruised myself up pretty badly. I don’t feel good at all. But, it seems I did it. Yeah, I guess I did. I did it! Yeah! All right, I have made history! I think it’s time to get out of this thing. There’s Brian over on the left-hand shore. He’s got the hook pole to grab the barrel. He got it. I’m being reeled in now. Well folks, thanks for listening to me on my journey over the edge. My name is Joshua Wozniak and I survived the Falls.”

    Brian pulls the barrel onto the shore and Josh steps out. Brian gives his buddy a bear hug and tells him he’s glad he made it safely. Also, he tells him what an idiot he is. Josh spots the group of reporters and journalists standing a few feet from the shore. He pops the tape out of the recorder and hands it to his buddy from the New Orleans Post. He tells him to get the word out and to let people know his story. The reporter says he will. Josh smiles up at the sky and thanks God for creating such a wonderful world.