A woman in a religious cult begins to have her doubts... |
I remember the day that the demons first crept into my mind; when they began their attempts to confuse me, turn me away from the path and take over. They tested my will and my faith. It was a test that, without the help of Master Jonas, I would have failed. It looked like a storm was coming. Thunder cracked somewhere in the distance, loud enough to make me jump. It began to drizzle while we waited to enter Chapel. I had always loved Chapel, the way it stands so tall with the symbol of compassion and devotion, lit up with colorful lights, hanging far above our heads. It always gave me a sense of peace. That day though, the day the demons began to torture me, the lights were dark and a strange feeling of loss rolled around in my stomach. Master Jonas was very near the end of the path, as he told us often. He moved with a youthful energy but his hair was white and his face was crinkled like a badly folded map. His eyes were a bright blue which gave him the look of someone who was the epitome of honesty and kindness. I loved to look into his eyes and listen to all the words of the gods spoken through his pale lips. Liar. That was the demons first word to me. “I'm so excited Pier!” Lisa cried out, she held my arm tightly. Lisa was my best friend among the flock and yet, at that moment, I didn't recognize her. I shook my arm and tried to break her hold. I tried to step away from her like she was a stranger trying to hurt me. But she just held on, not noticing my reaction in the slightest. “I'm so excited,” she prattled on. “I love these surprise congregations, you just know something big has happened. I'm so excited.” Fool. Seconds later, the massive doors creaked and opened a crack. A large man and a tall but slender girl appeared from inside, pushing the doors until they were opened completely. They then stood silently at the edges of the doorway like a pair of guards. I paused, realizing for the first time that I never see them anywhere in the compound except at the doors of Chapel. Everyone else seemed to ignore them, like old stone statues they'd already seen a million times before. As I followed the group into Chapel, I stole a quick glance at the girl. Her dark eyes and oddly colored hair were suddenly intriguing; that shade of purple was not made by the gods. She was a strange kind of beautiful. She looked over at me and our eyes met for an electric moment. I shifted my focus to pretend I wasn't looking at her. That I didn't notice her, just like the rest of the flock. I was looking at the door frame, at the vines climbing the wall, at anything but her. I almost tripped over my own feet. I had always been in awe of the size of the building, especially the high ceilings. It had always felt so spacious, enough room for the whole flock before the stage. But that day had felt different. I suddenly felt crowded, barely able to breath. I was about to turn to leave when Master Jonas entered from the small door at the back of the stage, as he always did. As far as I knew no one but Master Jonas ever went back there. It was probably his personal room, with the same hard mattress, penance cup and small candle as everybody else. There was an explosion of applause as soon as he entered. He stood for a moment, his hands above his head and his rough old walking stick perched between them, soaking up the energy that flowed from the gods through us and up to him. It was a glorious ritual and I gave all the energy I could muster, which wasn't near to my usual. For a moment I wondered if he would be able to tell. Deceiver. I flinched, the demon's words hurt me. I cringed, squeezing my eyes shut. When I opened my eyes again the room was quiet. Master Jonas was already crossed the stage and standing behind the podium. My eyes met his. For a brief second I thought he had been staring right at me but then his eyes left me, they were just wandering across the crowd. “Today...” his voice was a hammer. “Today is a day of jubilation and of mourning.” “What's that mean?” Lisa whispered beside me. “McGuire and Callaghan, our brothers who left on a mission of faith just a few short days ago have sent us all word,” he paused for a moment. “The mission has been completed and at this very moment Brother McGuire, may the path embrace him, is on his way back to us.” I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. Lisa turned to look at me, she must have heard. I kept my eyes glued to the stage, ignoring her judgmental stare. “Sadly,” A solemn tone entered his voice, “Brother Callaghan, may the path embrace him, was not as fortunate.” Whispers passed around the flock. “A demon of the outer world struck him down,” He bellowed. “Brother Callaghan has sacrificed for the greater good. For the good of the path! Hail Brother Callaghan!” “Hail Brother Callaghan!” The flock sang out in unison. “Brother Callaghan's path has come to an end but he is rewarded with early passage to the other side. The other side has embraced Brother Callaghan and will keep him well.” “Hail Brother Callaghan!” The crowd sang again. Worthless. He died for nothing. A great cheer exploded and Chapel seemed to come alive. I was left standing alone while the rest of the flock danced around me. My stomach twisted into a knot. My husband and I rarely spoke anymore. In the last few weeks we haven't had chance to say a word. I didn't even know he had left the compound and now he was coming home again? What was he doing going on a mission of faith where he could have been killed? Brother Callaghan had been killed, it could have just as easily been him. I looked around the crowd wondering if Brother Callaghan was married. I saw no tears. Not one. When we first arrived at the compound we had only been married a couple of weeks. We were so in love then but in the six months that had passed, we had become like strangers. The only thing still binding us together was a bit of paper I didn't even own anymore and the fact that, even still, whenever I saw him or even heard his name... Lost. He's gone forever. I thought we were happy. We did have our problems but we were together, that was enough. Liam had bouts of depression for as long as I'd known him. He was always so pessimistic in those times. I tried my best to cheer him up whenever he seemed to get down, but my best was never good enough. Then we found 'The Path'. At first we were going once a week. Liam was immediately taken with it. It was wonderful to see him so happy all the time. At his insistence, we started going twice a week. He devoted everything to The Path, he was finding all the answers to questions he didn't even know he had. I started to worry that he would leave me for them. That he would cancel the wedding and disappear. But we got married and for our honeymoon he brought us to the compound. “This is our new home.” he said. ...And I watched them lock the gates behind us. “It seems we have some more news today,” Master Jonas was speaking again. “and great news it is, the path embrace us, several members have achieved their level four status! Nicole Freeman, come to the stage.” Somewhere behind me, over by the back wall, I heard a shrill squeal of delight. I turned to see a small woman swimming through the crowd like a wading pool. With a helpful push from the crowd, she climbed onto the stage and stood a few feet away from Master Jonas, staring at him. She was biting her lip, trying to stop herself squealing some more. “Benjamin Roland.” Master Jonas said then. Benji climbed up onto the stage. I knew Benji quite well, we spoke each day. He was a little short and had dark features and thick eyebrows. He took his place next to Nicole and looked out silently over the crowd. “And Lisa Smith.” Lisa nudged me and let out a small giggle. She made her way to the stage, climbing the stairs. I didn't have any idea she was even close to level four but I guess she must have been. She stood there on stage, grinning her stupid head off. Master Jonas then left the podium and circled the three of them, Looking each of them over like he was inspecting them. He shook each of them by the hand and patted them on the shoulder. It's a real honor to touch Master Jonas, Benji even had trouble letting go of his hand. I almost laughed at the look on his face but I managed to catch myself. Stupid rituals. Meaningless honors. I was feeling restless still, and glancing around the room. I spotted the two from the doorway, the big man and the girl, standing off to the side by the stage. They were watching me. I met the man's eyes for a moment but they were expressionless, he was staring straight through me. But the girl was looking at me from the corner of her eye. There was a slight smirk on her lips. I suddenly felt drawn to her. I was about to take a step toward her, giving in to the urge when the entire flock turned all at once toward the massive doors behind us. There was a figure standing there silhouetted by the light outside. It took me a minute before I realized it was Brother McGuire. Liam. “Welcome back Brother McGuire, the path embrace you.” Master Jonas said above the rumble of the crowd. “Salute.” the crowd said in unison The flock broke apart giving Liam a pathway to the stage. He climbed the stage and exchanged whispers with Master Jonas. They shook hands and Master Jonas patted him on the back. Liam stepped back and stood in line with the newly appointed level fours and Master Jonas returned to the podium. “Brother McGuire's mission was a complete success.” Master Jonas said. Liar. The flock gave a loud cheer for Liam. Brother McGuire. Something was troubling me though, I could see something in his eyes, something different. A hard stare that he never had before. He looked over the flock with a forced smile on his face. It was the same smile he used to give me when I asked him if he was feeling okay, he would look up at me and give me that smile and tell me everything was great. It wasn't. Standing on that stage, though, not once did he look in my direction. Soon after his return we were leaving Chapel. Rain must have come and gone while we were inside, I hadn't even heard it but the grass was soft and wet. It was nice when the rain passed quickly, when bad weather lingered it turned the compound into something of a swamp. I stopped outside, not far from the doors, standing still for a moment to take in the fresh air and to collect my thoughts. After a few breaths my head started to clear. I decided to wait for Liam to come out, I needed to speak to him. I figured that Master Jonas would have some business with him and the new level fours but it shouldn't be too long. There was a small bench outside the dining hall directly across from Chapel. I sat down and waited. It had only been a few minutes when the door opened. I went to get up until I realized it was just Benji and he was by himself. I watched him walk out and look around, he didn't see me in the shadow of the dining hall. He looked worried about something. I was about to call him over when I was grabbed from behind. I was pulled from the bench and dragged into the darkness around the side of the building. The hand covered my mouth tightly. I couldn't make a sound. All I could do was kick at the empty air in front of me. As suddenly as I was grabbed, I was let go. I fell against the wall and slid to the ground. I looked up to see the faces of my captors. It was the big man-statue from Chapel and his cute counterpart. Hope. “Don't scream,” the man said, kneeling down in front of me. “we aren't going to hurt you.” “Good job so far!” I said. My head hurt and so did my butt. “My name is Jonathon,” he said quietly, he had a soothing timbre to his voice. “This is my daughter Samantha.” “Sam.” she added. Beautiful Samantha. “I'm Pier” I told him, though I think I was looking at her. He grinned, “I know who you are, of course.” I tried to climb to my feet but he held me in place with his brick of a hand. I shifted to try again, maybe add in some venomous words but then Sam knelt down next to me, putting her hand on mine. Her touch was soft and reassuring, I didn't want to move anymore. Instead I just asked them what they wanted. “What are you thinking sitting out there?” Jonathon whispered. He nodded toward the bench. “You're supposed to go back to your room straight after Chapel, you know that.” “I needed to speak to Liam.” “Liam's gone,” Sam said. “He's not one of us anymore.” I was about to object when it registered what she had said. I turned to her. “One of us?” “We've been watching you,” she said, admitting a secret. “You are not one of these sheep. You aren't a believer, are you?” “The demons...” I tried. Deceit. “You don't believe.” she said. “The path says...” I tried again. “You don't believe.” “No...” I gave in. It was the truth. I stared at my feet. It was just too much for me. I'm with you. “It's okay,” she said in a soothing tone, “neither do we. You have friends here, now.” I felt relieved and comforted. I had been denying it for too long, keeping my real feelings secret from even myself, but now it was out and I had people to confide in. “We have to go.” Jonathon said quickly and took off toward the back of the building. Sam followed quickly behind, disappearing around the corner. It took me a minute to gather myself up and put my head back together. Then I followed them around the back of the building but they had already vanished. I took the darkest route I could find back to my little room. Prison. It was hard to sleep that night. All the thoughts swimming around my head kept me awake. I got out of bed just before dawn, while everyone was still asleep, and went looking for my new confidants. They were nowhere to be seen. I checked around the dining hall, where I had last seen them but I wasn't sure where else to look. I didn't even know where they slept. And why would they be getting up early anyway? I was just coming around to the front of the building when I saw the massive doors of Chapel open. I held my breath and watched as Lisa slipped out and darted across the compound, running toward her room. She wiped her face with her sleeves over and over. She was crying. I wondered why she was there, had she been in Chapel all night? I followed Lisa to her room. Her door was already shut when I got there. I knocked and when no answer came I knocked again. She still didn't answer and I wondered for a moment if she had come back to her room, I gave the door a push. Lisa was sitting on the edge of her bed hugging a small pillow, her eyes were red and her face was wet with tears. She looked up at me and wiped one cheek with her sleeve. “Lisa, What's wrong?” Her lips quivered. She looked like she was about to say something but stopped herself. She tried again but didn't get much further. I walked in and sat down next to her. I put my arm around her and for a split second I thought of Sam. “It's okay,” I tried to console her. “Let it all out.” She broke down. For at least a minute or two all she could do was cry. When she managed to speak, her words still came out between sobs. She told me what happened to her. It was difficult to make out some of the words but what she was saying was clear. Violated. Accosted. The night before, after the massive doors of Chapel closed, Master Jonas turned to Benji. He spoke to him first, a few words and shook his hand. He was then quickly dismissed, leaving only Master Jonas, Brother McGuire, Nicole and herself. Master Jonas invited them into the back room. The way she described it made it sound like a mansion. A big fireplace already burning wood. A huge bear skin rug stretched across the room, the head popping up at one end with spots of red paint on the teeth to look like blood. A large couch and several sofas faced the fireplace, there was a bar in one back corner, and a staircase in the other. I asked her if she went up the stairs. She didn't. They all sat around on the bear skin rug. Master Jonas' pouring them all drinks in beautiful little glasses. They drank glass after glass and soon were laughing and listening to Master Jonas and Brother McGuire tell wonderful stories. Until her head began to spin. She looked over at Nicole, she told me, a terrible feeling in her chest. Nicole had passed out, lying with her face mashed into the backside of the bearskin rug. Master Jonas was over her bending down to pick her up... Then she woke up. It took her a moment to realize any time had passed, her head throbbed. She rubbed her eyes and tried to clear her mind. When she pulled her hands away she found herself lying naked on the bearskin, the huge jaws opened next to her head. She sat up. Brother McGuire lay naked next to her still asleep. Liar. Liam. Liar. Pain shot through her when she tried to climb to her feet. She felt stiff and sore from her knees to her neck and her head throbbed harder and harder. She gathered up her clothes from a pile next to the foot of the bear and ran out the door. “Fuck off!” the words slipped out of my mouth before I could catch them. Denial. She burst into tears again. “You fucking liar!” I yelled. “you fucking whore!” “Pier” she said. I slammed the door. Liam. Liar. Liam! Outside, people were making their way to the dining hall for breakfast. I held back my tears and stomped across the compound. I'm not sure where I was heading, somewhere to clear my head I guess, but I didn't have time to find out anyway. Jonathon and Samantha appeared on either side of me and lead me around a corner where no one could see us. They paused there a moment. Jonathon listened to make sure we weren't followed. I caught myself staring at Sam and turned away. I could see the gate from where I was standing and, for a moment, I wondered what would happen if I just ran. “We're going to escape.” Jonathon finally whispered. What? “What?” “I've been chosen for Level four.” Sam said. Her voice sounded hollow. My head was all over the place, I still hadn't made sense of everything, so it took me moment to understand what she was saying, even after just hearing Lisa's story. “I thought you earned level four.” I said naively. I already knew better. “No.” Jonathon said. “I don't want to be Master Jonas' next...” Sam stopped. She looked over my shoulder. I turned to see what they were looking at. A figure stood watching us. The early morning shadows hiding his dark eyes and turning his smile into an almost evil smirk. It took me a moment to realize who it was. Liam. How long had Brother McGuire been standing there? Had he been watching us? What did he hear? “What's going on here?” he waited for an answer. Continued when he got none, “You've missed breakfast. Master Jonas wishes to make an announcement. Everyone is to come immediately.” Master Jonas already stood behind the podium when the four of us entered. He looked no different than he did the day before. The fatherly gray hair. The friendly eyes. The trustworthy smile... The horns on his temples. “The day of ascension is coming!” he suddenly boomed. “The Gates to the other side are opening and soon it will be time for us to join our Brothers, our Sisters, our GODS!” Everybody cheered. I tried to join in with the crowd, hide in plain sight, but to them it meant following the path to the Gods. To me it meant death. I could feel the dread knotting up my stomach and feared it showed on my face. I watched the people around me to see if anybody noticed. If they did, they didn't show it. He spoke some more about the path, the gods, the joyous times to be had on the other side. All things I had heard hundreds of times before. The announcement took all of about fifteen minutes and when it was over I looked around for Samantha... and Jonathon. I couldn't see them anywhere. I headed toward Lisa's room. She hadn't been at the announcement. When I got there though I found... Nothing. I found a bare room. Dead. “On a mission...” I jumped at the voice behind me. It was Sam. Her dark eyes brightened and she smiled. Did she enjoy seeing me scared? No... “What?” “Master Jonas...” She said solemnly. “he says she left for a mission of faith last night.” “But I...” “We know.” Jonathon said. “We can't wait any longer.” Jonathon began laying out our escape plans. He already had it worked out step by step. Apparently, they were well on their way before I joined the team. Until it got dark, we were to follow our usual routine. Anytime we weren't expected anywhere, we would hide out in our rooms. Less time spent outside meant less chances of slipping up. I could feel his eyes on me when he said that. I was already terrified. I looked to Sam. At the northern end of the compound, just passed the sheds, there was an area hidden away from view. Nobody would be able to see us cutting through the chain-link fence. We would head there just after sunset, Jonathon would bring the wire cutters. From there we had a day or so hike through the forest to the nearest road. I was nervous and excited. I was sure we could make it. Ascension day... Suicide day. Ascension day was soon but by then we would be gone. The day dragged on, hour after hour and I spent most of it hiding out in my room. I told the odd visitor I was deep in prayer, If they'll excuse me. I tried to follow my routine but whenever I left the safety of my room I felt everyone's eyes on me. Watching me. Like they were just waiting for me to slip up. I made an appearance at meal times and I attended the afternoon circle, where I was asked why I was being so quiet until I left. Then, as the sun closed in on the horizon, things really started to go wrong. He stood in my doorway, silhouetted by the sun, waiting for me to notice him. I'm not even sure how long he'd been standing there when I did. It was Liam. “Everybody needs to go to Chapel.” he stated. It had been a long time since he'd spoken to me directly. I tried to say something but I was suddenly speechless. I wanted to say something, anything, but I put it all into words. It felt like my last opportunity. It was my last opportunity, but he had already turned and walked away. I ran out of the room, calling out to him, but he had disappeared around the corner, heading toward Chapel. I gave chase but every corner I turned gave me just a glimpse of him vanishing around the next. Before I realized it, I was standing outside of Chapel. When I stepped up to the massive doorway I could see everybody already inside. I entered quietly trying not to disturb anyone. A quick look around and I could see Jonathon and Sam were absent. Were they already waiting for me at the north end by the fence? I cursed myself for coming inside but I didn't want to set off the alarm by leaving now. I prayed Master Jonas would keep this announcement short. Trouble. Run! “The level four announcements were prepared too quickly,” Master Jonas was saying. “It seems somebody has been forgotten about. The path forgives, the path enlightens. Tonight, her efforts shall be acknowledged...” Her? Oh, shit! Sam!. The flock cheered. Then Master Jonas looked directly at me. I thought for a moment I'd sworn out loud. “Pier McGuire” He said then. The flock cheered. I peed a little. “Come up to the stage please.” The crowd parted in front of me. I was in a daze. Slowly I stepped forward, my head spinning, feeling like I was being pushed toward the stage. My heart beat faster and faster. Sweat poured down my face in buckets. I tried to smile back at all the faces congratulating me. I was in the lion's den. How could I get out of this? Would Jonathon and Sam save me now? I pictured them breaking open the fence. Jonathon holding up a corner to let his daughter squeeze through. Then running through the forest and smiling to be free. I guess I was still part of their escape, I was the distraction so they could succeed. Sam would be safe even if I wasn't. On stage, standing a short distance behind Master Jonas, I watched him addressing the crowd. Brother McGuire stepped up beside me, he seemed to loom above me now. His hand snapped around my wrist like a shackle, his fingers locked so tightly it felt like they drew blood. I looked up into his face. For a moment a nasty smirk replaced the fake smile he beamed at the crowd. No soul remained behind those hollow eyes. Far too quickly the congregation was dismissed and we were alone. The three of us. They tried to explain to me this was an honor. I was being given a gift. The path was embracing me. The Gods loved me. LIAR! The man I once trusted more than anything in the world held both my wrists. He dragged me toward the back door, toward Master Jonas' den of perversion. I tried to pull away but Liam's grip was too tight for me to break free. I kicked. I struggled. I punched. I bit. We were almost at the door when I got in one good shot. A kick to the crotch. Liam curled over and crashed to his knees. His grip loosened and I twisted free. Master Jonas lunged at me. Run, run, run, run, RUN! I flew off the edge of the stage, landing hard on the ground, twisting my ankle. Pain shot through my leg with every step but I didn't let it slow me down. Within seconds I was outside in the dark. The sun had already set. I turned toward the north end with only a small hope Jonathon and Sam were still waiting for me. I hoped I could at least find the hole in the fence where they had broken through. I hoped Sam was okay. There was no light passed the sheds. The ground disappeared into darkness beneath my feet and the trees became giants, their claws reaching out, tearing at me. I was starting to panic when I came to the fence. I tried to catch my breath while I took a quick look back at the compound. I couldn't see anything. No torches coming, no voices shouting. Weren't they following me? Did I loose them so easily? I felt along the fence. “Sam!” I whispered as loud as I could. “Sam! Jonathon. Are you there?” I scrambled around in the darkness. I looked for signs of where they were or where they got through. There was no break in the fence. No hole to go through. Were they been found out? Were they captured? Was Sam already in Master Jonas' room? “Samantha!” I tried again, I could hear the tears in my own voice. I felt along the fence some more. “Sam are you there?” “I'm here.” the voice startled me. A light came on. My eyes took a moment to adjust. “We're here.” It was Sam. I saw Sam and next her Jonathon... Standing behind them were Liam and Master Jonas. And around them was a half dozen more of the flock. They came to save me from myself. They saved me from the demons that possessed me for so long. They took me out of the cold that night and put me through a divine week of intense retraining. I got back all the demons took from me. The path forgives. So here I stand before you. A new woman. Clean and Demon-free. It is Ascension Day and I am honored to be standing here, among the first to be embraced by the path. And now, I drink from the chalice filled with the blood of the gods. The blood that separates body from soul and guide me to the other side. The path embrace us. |