A Multiples summary

A Multiple’s Summary

It began on an average day, if you could call it that, the thing is. I’m not normal...there’s no such thing as ‘a normal day’ for me, I’m not normal, I don’t even want to be alive. I’m a freak, an abomination...a psycho...at least that’s what most of the people around me say. Teachers, family so called ‘friends’ even the doctors who’re supposed to help me....

Anyway I’m probably boring you, you’re probably thinking what’s so different about this kid, what gives him the need to moan about something as trivial as a daily routine.
Let me educate you a little, I’m a multiple one of the people unlucky enough to be scarred mentally enough to have one core personality split into pieces, fragments, pieces of a broken puzzle. These ‘alters’ can take over any time and any place. School, work, a street, even at home around the people I love and care for. The worst part? I can’t stop it happening; if I try I get pain for my trouble. Nightmares and hallucinations too. I haven’t slept properly for weeks now. Too afraid I’ll see my friends die one more time...or I’ll wake as someone else....

Anyway I digress, my daily routine, I go to a nice little hell hole which you probably know as school. Now some of you may have been bullied or tormented and think that’s bad on its own, try having voices in your head constantly telling you to let them out, to hurt, kill and attack your tormentors, it’s tempting, very tempting but not worth the attention or the trouble, As it is I’m already labelled as a psycho. It’s also fair to say I’ve received over my fair share of threats and abuse. Sure having insults hurled isn’t so bad, you learn to ignore them, however it’s a new story when people are slamming you into lockers or beating you as soon as you’re alone. People like me aren’t seen as people, less than animals even, more like a virus...something to be eradicated.

After you leave school, there’s home to deal with. Parent isn’t home because of work, mum was always working and providing but there wasn’t much emotional support. I head up to my room; the voices of my fellow students ringing in my ears, my eyes are wet from the tears that have repeatedly broken through the course of the day. I go upstairs slam my phone on its charging dock and switch on the computer. This is my haven, a little space from the rest of the world where I can be safe from the snipes and mocking of other people. Two people I like and trust talk to me virtually every day,  they, and no these people aren’t the ones in my head, real people like you.  Tell me that I’m worth something and that I’m not some axe wielding psychopath that everyone else would have me believe.

The weekends and holidays are good for the most part, no school, I can escape from the taunts and remarks that hurt and dig away at my sanity. I don’t have suicidal or depressive thoughts as often because I have only the people around me to care for and be loved in return. However as great as that is I have to deal with my inner demons, voices, my alters. They never go away, constantly hurting or trying to take control so they can hurt others. I won’t let them out though my pain is nothing if it means my loved ones remain unhurt, this love alone however doesn’t stop my alters pointing out how normal everyone else is compared to a freak like me. But aren’t we all the same underneath?

Voices, my alters....light and dark sides of me, they have a lot of power over my mind and body, they can see what I see. Hear what I hear and can do things like changing my emotions, cause me real pain (or at least the illusion of it) make me hallucinate and they can force thoughts and images into my head. The sad and frustrating thing is I can’t stop this happening, and I never remember what occurred if they manage to get out and take control, this often leads to bad situations and the occasional beating; they can come out and control me. It’s like I’m possessed, no idea what’s going on and unable to react with anyone I know and care for, they would hurt someone just for the fun of it, or just to get at me depending on how vindictive they were feeling. One wants me to die, to kill all of us at once, I can’t allow that, as weird and different as I am, I would still hurt people if I went, I’m lucky I have the above two people to help me stay healthy and living.

They’re talking to me now as I write this, 3 mocking, and one encouraging. The pain tearing through me right now is almost unbearable but i feel like I should carry on, even if it’s just to get my feelings out or give a wider understanding of people like me as a whole.

You’re nearing the end of my summary; I hope you can start to understand what I go through on a day to day basis. We all have light and dark within us and we can all choose what side we take, I’ve decided to embrace both. Be who I am and what I am is just a small obstacle that will be overcome in the future. Before we fight the darkness in the world we have to defeat the darkness inside ourselves.