Grandma's girl

Honestly and truthfully, I don’t have the proper words to describe how I was feeling at the time. I was in shock, and numb. I was sad that I wasn’t near my mom, but relieved that my friends were with me. I understood it was for the best, but still questioned why it had to happen.
         The date was March 11, 2008. I was currently at the gravesite of my grandmother. She had died the Wednesday before, and it still seemed so unreal. I was definitely a Grandma’s girl. I loved my grandmother with all my heart and soul. When I found out that she had been to the hospital because of heart problems, I was unphased. She had been living with diabetes for years. She was my grandma, nothing would happen to her. For months my mom went around worried about her. I was worried, but I knew my grandma would be okay. Then she had to have open heart surgery. That scared me a little, but still, she was my grandma, so she would be fine.
         I witnessed her weak, and with all those IV running through, but I still firmly believed she would be ok because she was my grandmother. Then it happened. The summer between my senior an junior year, I had to spend the summer with my grandma. She needed someone to be with her constantly because of her surgery, to make sure she ate, and took her pills. I did not mind one bit. Let me repeat, I was a Grandma’s girl. Sure I missed my mom, brothers, and romm, but Grandma was worth it. I spent the whole summer looking after her, and this is when my eyes where opened to what she was going through. I saw how she couldn’t eat what she wanted to, and hardly ate anything else. I saw where she would have to continuously prick her self, to check her blood sugar levels. I saw how she hated feeling like a burden to anyone, especially my mom. I heard her complain about all the medicine she had to take. I heard her moaning in pain at night. I finally began to see that my grandma was not invincible.
After the summer, I moved back home. I was officially a senior now. All in all things went somewhat back to normal. As far as anyone could see, she was doing pretty good. In March, my younger brother and I decided to get baptized. I had accepted Jesus in my heart years ago, but due to circumstances was not able to even really learn about baptizing. Not to mention I’m not too fond of water. However at that time, I began to realize it was time to take my faith one step further. We were baptized at the church right beside my grandma’s house. This was March 2nd. Three days later Grandma died. My grandma died.
         I was shocked, sad, and numb, but when I remembered what she had to go through, I knew It was for the best. I knew that she was in a much better place, but it still hurt. So we were at the gravesite, right after the ceremony had occurred. My mom was talking with family, and I was with my two best friends. Then one of them pointed towards the sky. I white bird was flying around. Now I’m not sure what kind of bird it was, or even if it was rare for the bird to be flying there. I do however think that this bird had a purpose. I was so sad, and numb, but I felt like this bird was a symbol of God. That past week I had read about the dove that appeared at Jesus’ baptism, mainly because I was getting baptized. Also in my nightly quiet time I had read the verse about mounting on wings of eagles. This verse, or verses rather, really touched me. I wasn’t sure at the time why though. When I saw them at the funeral, I just felt peace rush through me. To me it was like God’s way of saying that it would be alright, and all was good. I have never felt the presence of God more than that month of March. I had gotten closer to God before her death, and felt like He was right beside me the weeks after. I’m not sure how I would have dealt with it had it not been for God. It was an awesome and humbling experience.
I’m still a Grandma’s girl. I love her and at times miss her so much. It’s the little things like when I need help with a recipe. Or when I’m driving, and I remember promising her I would take her shopping once I got my license and car. Or when I hear others talking about their grandma’s. But it is ok because I know she is in a better place, and I know that God’s right beside me.