Pondering Love

              I’m sure that if I tried, I could find six trillion meanings of love.  There would be the traditional, man and woman.  But it goes so much deeper than that.  I don’t mean the love for parents, brothers, friends, grandpas, cousins or math teachers- okay for me, definitely not math teachers.  But the way that love has been considered and looked at from all over the world.  How is it meant to be?

         And again, I know that it can be twisted and maneuvered in, again, eighty five quadrillion ways.  But from my eyes, there are a distinct two.

         Let’s travel back in time for a little bit.  If you’ve hit the cavemen, you’ve gone too far.  Man probably didn’t even know that love existed then, much less would they be able to pronounce the word.  Let’s hit the time around Romeo and Juliet to Pride and Prejudice; the classics.  In those times, love was primarily perceived through one thing: looks.  I’m not accusing that every person in those times was completely and incredibly shallow, because to them, that was what love was.  Love then was like, as we would say now, love at first sight.  This was all anyone had known.  Maybe this was the way it is supposed to be.  Love was an impulsive, spur of the moment desire that clouded the mind with every thought that it crossed paths with.  It was a thrilling and breath-taking emotion of longing and attraction that followed every tortured soul it consumed with watchful eyes, waiting for its inhabitant to finally succumb to its calling.  Then everything was elated.  All the problems of the world would bow down before it and expire, releasing the two people from the pains that they had encountered, and allowing them to come back to Earth to focus on what they what they wanted most: each other.

         Okay, so maybe I got a little carried away with that one.  But that was the way that it was meant to be then, the way it was intended to be for every hopeless romantic in that time.  But that was then, and this is now.

         For many people nowadays, love is a scary thing.  I’m not saying that love can’t be an overwhelming, miraculous splendor of affection today, it’s just that it is seen differently now.  For instance, you don’t date a person for a couple of days, declare your love for them, announce your upcoming marriage, and everyone lives happily ever after blah blah blah...  It’s much, much, much, much more complicated than that.  In the present-day, every sane person knows not to marry somebody right off-the-bat because they know they could end up completely miserable and it could be the biggest mistake of their life.  Today, however, there is a much simpler solution to the suffering: divorce.

         Marriage is not nearly as respected today as it has been it the past.  Divorce is an extremely common phrase.  I’ll bet that half of the newlyweds do not even fully comprehend what they have committed to.  The vows had easily left their lips on their wedding day, but they soon were forgotten after a few fights or allegations against their chosen spouse.  So they take the easy road; the road that leads away from dealing with their problems they have with their partner and permanently alter the honor of their word.  They vowed on that day till death do us part.  They spoke the words so surely, confident in their commitment.  So many people do not take in the full weight of those promises.  It is known that in the US today, only 52% of Americans reach their 15th anniversary.  That is an extremely disappointing number.  I highly doubt that death has parted them that early, unless they were united at a very late age.  If that case, however, more power to them.

         But today, love is something that is meant to develop over time.  However, I do know that this isn’t always the case.  For example, I know someone whose parents met and two weeks later were married.  They are still married today, fifteen years later, entirely and incandescently happy.  This may be a much different version of today’s love than I have been trying to explain, but still, this is undoubtedly a legitimate form of love.  Yes, it is very old fashioned, but obviously still possible.

         As I’ve been trying to explain, today’s love is different.  People don’t pick others off the street or a bar and say, “That’s going to be my soul mate for the rest of my life.”  They get to know each other, ask questions, socialize, date.  Oh, there’s a big one, DATE.  Dating is a very complex example.  Dating can be purely for enjoyment.  The pleasure of the moment, the excitement and jitters that you get of getting to know someone new, and for some, stereo typically men, well, um, the hope and attempt at something else.  But we won’t get into that right now.  Back to the point, dating can be just for kicks.  But for others, it’s searching for something, someone, that’s more than just a one night stand.  That’s the art that needs to be mastered.

         This is what I’ve been getting at; the difference between the classics and the nows.  Today people date and get to know one another for months, even years, before they make such a commitment as marriage. The smart people do, anyhow.  Others not so intelligent are left without another chance to redeem their word.  I’m not saying that love can’t be found again for them.  It can be, once they have mastered the art.  The work and effort that must be put in to such a dedication is extraordinary, but the results are well worth it in the end.

         Love is a scary thing to be said today.  Many dig themselves deeper and deeper into unhappiness if they make this claim to another and do not mean it or fully comprehend its significance.  Others are left in despair if they feel so strongly and discover that the one who’s emotions they hold so powerful towards do not return the same feeling.  It’s devastating, and the thing that you had worked and toiled towards so hard for is suddenly gone, disappearing before your eyes.  It can’t be possible, nor can you force it to become so.  The formula must be absolute: man loves woman, woman loves man.  Happiness will soon follow this unity.

         So who is to say which is right?  Which way is the correct way to love?  Should it be developed and evaluated over time to know that it is true?  Or should there be no doubts, should it be spontaneous and passionate without thinking?  Which way is intended?  We all know that the feelings are amazingly out of the ordinary.  Nothing like this would be given to us without some form of guidelines, right?  Who is to say which way is right and which is wrong?  I myself cannot answer that.  But I can answer something:  I do believe in true love, and that whichever way it happens, it should be extraordinary and improbable, amazing and incredible.  That’s the one thing that’s intended for sure.