Jonathan

                                                                       

WORD COUNT : 3849 WORDS



                                                                                            JONATHAN                                                                                                                                                                                The ringing of the alarm brought me back to life after the long slumber that I had finally managed to  fall into last night. For sleeping had been a little difficult these past few days. It was a tough time for me as my old flame from high school who had left me completely heartbroken at one time and according to my friends was the reason I hadn’t been in a serious relationship since a long long time had come back to town.

The memories of that bitter heartbreak almost ten years ago were a little vague by now but the pain still felt like a sore wound whose dull ache still hadn’t completely left me. Jonathan had come to see me on that cold, winter night all those years ago and I had welcomed him into the house with a hug and the customary kiss on the cheek.  My mom had served us dinner and then we had gone out for a walk around the house for I could sense that there was something that he wanted to tell me that could not be discussed inside the house. I had felt a little alarmed but had put my arms into his and proceeded to go out.

“Its a bit chilly. Isn’t it? I’d said. At this point, Jonathan would normally have put his arms around me to keep me from being cold. But, he did not do so this time.

“Yeah, sure is.” Jonathan exclaimed non-committally. I had known right then something was terribly wrong. Wave after wave of panic had come but I somehow mustered up the courage to ask him.

“What’s wrong baby? Is there something bothering you?”

“Yes. You. Us. This relationship is what’s bothering me. I feel like I am becoming too dependent on you. I feel myself sinking into this all-consuming love. I can’t concentrate on anything but you and there are a lot of things in my life that I still need to achieve. I can’t think of going out of town for fear of missing you. I can’t do anything without thinking about you. And this is not healthy for the both of us. I know you want to be a chef and it’s my dream to fly planes. And if we don’t break this off right now, you know we both will be stuck in this town forever doing monotonous jobs and stuck in a rut. I want to experience life because we only get one chance at it and I want you to experience yours too.”

This heart-breaking and terribly honest speech totally devastated me. Wave after wave of panic went  flooding through me. I could understand where all this came from. Jonathan’s family wasn’t that well-off. His father worked as a school teacher and his mother had been too busy all her life bringing up five kids to manage to hold a job. He wanted to get out of this town one day and he had great dreams to make it big and I had become a complication in his plans for life. My first instinct was not to let go, to hold on to him, to beg him not to do this and I knew that if I had done any of this, he would have happily agreed. But, I did not want him to feel any kind of regrets for his actions later on in life. I didn’t want him to be stuck with me.

“All right. I understand.” I said

“That’s all you’re gonna say about it?” he asked me

“When you have decided everything, there’s nothing left for me to say.” I replied

“Don’t do this. Say something. You know I love you. I am doing this because I love you so much that I am scared in everything that I do. I want to fulfil my dreams and be successful and I promise I will come back to you.” He' d said said

“All I want to say to is good luck and I’ll always love you.” I'd whispered.

“I love you too. Please wait for me.” He'd whispered back.

And that had been the last I had seen of him. I had walked back home really fast with tears running down my cheeks. I had not eaten for days. But, I still did not hate him for what he had done. After two weeks of mourning over it, I still had faith in my heart about his love for me. I still believed that he would do as he had promised. He would come back one day. But, that did not stop me from feeling hurt and let down and I continued feeling that way for the next ten years.













The shrill ringing of the phone finally forced me to get out of bed and answer it.

“Hello.” I said

“Hey! How are you doing, my love?”

The voice that I heard on the other end of the line almost made me drop the receiver in alarm. It was Jonathan.

“I am doing good. And you?” I gathered myself and asked him.

“Please don’t break my heart and talk to me like a stranger. I told you I would come back for you after fulfilling my dreams and here I am back for you.” He said

“So, did you, then?” i asked

“Did I what?” he asked

“Fulfill your dreams .” i replied

“No, I haven’t yet. All this time away from you made me realize that the only dream that I wanted to fulfil is you. I have known this from a long time but have been too much of a pig-head to admit it to myself and that has been my huge mistake. I have wasted all these years away from you when we could have been happy together. I am so happy to be back and I can’t wait to marry you now. Name the day and date and I’ll be there.”

“Hold on. You still think I am the girl that you left behind , waiting for you to be back and take me in your arms? Let me make it clear that I am not. You made your choice all those years ago and I learned to live with that. Its time you got on with your life too.”

“Please don’t do this now. Ten years of being away from each other is not enough for you? Why do you want to prolong it and make it difficult for both of us? You know we are meant to end up together. I haven’t touched a girl in all these years because no one has ever measured upto you. I have been on a few dates but have always ended up comparing everyone to you and nobody was perfect like you are so I finally gave up dating. I know you have had no serious relationship since me. And I know you love me.  I made a mistake because of which we had to be apart for so many years. I beg you not to make the same mistake that I made once.”

“You have no right to demand me not to do anything. You didn’t ask me before breaking up all those years ago. You did what you wanted to and now I will do what I want to. Please stop interfering in my life.”

“All right. If you are gonna act this way, I am going to ask for forgiveness for as long as it takes for you to forgive me. I am a persistent man and I will not take no for an answer.”

“Spare your energies.”

I banged down the phone.

I took a shower, got dressed, had my cereal and proceeded to work. Work was a flower shop called “Blossoms” that I had finally saved up enough for, working as a marketing executive for many years and opened in the town. I had done well working for Milbury’s, the company I worked for but after opening the flower shop, money had come flooding in and it had turned into an overnight success. Apart  from the usual bouquets and fresh flowers, I also offered special themed packaging and flower decoration. The mix of professionalism and personalising the flowers according to the customers requirements had greatly worked in our favour.

“Have you heard? Jonathan’s back in town.” Sally told me. Sally was my personal assistant and was also growing to become a great friend. I could leave my shop to her without any worries whenever I had to be out of town or fancied myself a rest at home.

“Yeah. Small town.News travels fast.” I said

“So?”she said.

“So what?” I asked her back.

“Give me some reaction, woman.” She said

“Oh! So you’ve heard about our history too. Like I just said, its history and we’re history. I don’t feel anything for him anymore and it’s best that you don’t discuss him with me too. He’ s a closed chapter in my life.” I retorted back

“Alrite, alrite. I will shut up about it. But, don’t take out your anger toward him at me.” Sally said with a wink.

I walked off to the storeroom behind the shop in a huff.



















It was 7 pm and I was finally closing the shop. Sally had already left and I had stayed back a little late to finish the accounts of all the flower sales. As I finished unlocking the door , a voice behind me said

“Hey. There you are. I’ve been waiting all day to see you.” I jumped but stepped back with relief and annoyance at seeing Jonathan.

Even though I didn’t feel anything for him anymore, my heart still skipped a beat. His soft brown eyes were still the same. His soft pink lips reminded me of the countless kisses we had shared on our long walks home behind the trees in the woods. He was still as handsome as he had been in high school, if not more.

“Is it me or have you managed to grow even more beautiful than you  used to be?” Jonathan said as I started to walk towards my house that was two miles away.

I said nothing and continued to walk while he walked beside me.

“You have set a new standard of perfection for me now. Have mercy on this poor guy. I won’t find anyone in a million years who matches upto you now.”Jonathan said and I smiled despite myself.

“Go home, Jonathan. Don’t waste your time.”

“When did love become a waste of time for you, Annabelle?”

“Since it started stopping you from fulfilling your dreams.”

That shut him up and I walked off while he stood there for a moment, looking pained.

He recovered himself soon after and fell in step beside me again.

“I want to say I’m sorry again.”

“Apology accepted.”

“Please marry me.”

“You have lost your mind. Ha ha . You don’t even know me. I am not the same person I was ten years ago.”

“There’s plenty of time to know you then. I have a whole lifetime to know you.”

I put my key into the lock and opened the door to go in.

“Can I come in?”

“No, you can’t, Jon.”

There was a flicker of our old understanding look that passed between us at the sound of his name. A look that reminded me of the days when we couldn’t get enough of each other and were content and happy laying in each others arms. The days when we needed nothing else but love to survive, when we hadn’t started growing up and moving on to bigger and better dreams and ideas of success.

But in a moment, I turned around to go in and it was gone.

“Fine, let’s see the level of your heartlessness and my regret today. I am stayng right here outside your door till you let me in.”

“Be my guest.” I said and went in.

I felt angry at Jonathan for upsetting my life’s rhythm like this. Just when I was learning to become independent in my life and my new business was starting to become a success, he had brought back all those feelings of pain. I had finally convinced myself that love didn’t exist and all I had had with Jon had been teenage viewpoints of perfect love intermingled with a little lust and a curiosity for the opposite sex and now he had the nerve to come back and try to rekindle our old romance that had given me enough pain to last a lifetime. I was determined to shut the door on him for good.

I fixed dinner for myself and went into the living room, got comfortable on the sofa and started to eat while watching my favourite show, Friends. It elevated my mood and distracted my mind from the meeting with Jon.

I did not want to go upto my room and be alone as thinking alone in bed was sure to bring back memories that I didn’t want to think about. So, I lay down right there on the sofa and continued to watch friends re-runs till I fell asleep.

The sunlight streaming in from the curtains left open last night woke me up the next morning. I glanced at the living – room  clock . It was only 5 am yet. I wondered why I wasn’t in my room and it all came rushing back. I switched the television off and picked up the dinner leftovers and went to the kitchen to clean up . I opened the door to go outside and get the newspapers in and gave a shout when I stumbled upon a bundle lying on the door step.

I shrank back in horror as I saw signs of movement from the bundle. I suddenly realized then that the bundle was a sleeping Jon. He had actually followed through with his threat of remaining on the doorstep until I let him in. I shook him awake and heaved him up, putting my hand into his. He held on really tight as I pulled and supported him up. The interlocking of his soft hand into mine sent shivers through my body.

“I am tired. Can you please be angry at me later?”

This made me laugh and I somehow managed to drag him to the bed in my room in his half asleep state.

I lounged around in the living room for a while, had my breakfast and at 8 am finally settled down on the sofa to sleep again as it was a Sunday and I hadn’t really slept that well last night.

I suddenly woke up with an uneasy feeling three hours later. I looked around and saw the cause of this uneasy feeling. Jonathan was sitting on the sofa with my feet in his lap and massaging them slowly, while constantly looking at me all this while.

“What are you doing?”

“SSSShhhhh, you spoiled the moment. You looked so peaceful and beautiful while you slept, almost angelic. Now you are a monster again, angry and shouting and the quiet is gone.”

That made me laugh.

“Lie down and close your eyes again.”

The way his soft hands moved on my feet completely relaxed me. It felt like the built up tension of the past ten years was slowly draining away.

“Go on, close your eyes,I know you’re enjoying it.”

“Okay, but letting you massage my feet does not mean I forgive you.”

“Okay , Monster, point taken.” He said with a wink.

I closed my eyes again and myself be drowned into a lazy, relaxed state with Jon’s hands moving up and down and pressing into my feet and toes now and again.

After twenty minutes or so, I finally opened my eyes and sat up.

“Jonathan, please don’t hurt me anymore. Please walk out of my life. I don’t want to fall in love with you again and end up hurt because I don’t think I can recover a second time.”

“You won’t have to baby, coz I ll never hurt you, trust me. I was a kid then and I didn’t know what I was talking about. I worked my ass off for the past ten years to become better and better, to reach the point where I would finally feel that I had succeeded, but it never came. That point of satisfaction never, ever came because anything in my life without you means nothing. I would fail a hundred times with you beside me than have even one success without you.”

His little speech did move me a little. I wondered whether I should really forgive him . He sounded so sincere and his familiar and handsome face made my heart give a sudden little lurch. That was the point I realized that I had never really been over him at all , even though I had  convinced myself that I was.

I had always been waiting and looking out for Jonathan to come back. That was the reason that I had never had a serious relationship for such a long, long time because a serious relationship meant having to have sex after a certain amount of time which I did not want to do. Mentally, my body had only belonged to Jon even though me and Jon had never really gone further than the long kisses and necking. When we had been in a relationship all those years ago, I had always believed that me and Jon would end up marrying each other and nothing could ever break us apart. I had already fitted him into the perfect husband mould in my weird teenage fantasies about perfect love and marriage and no one had ever been able to take his place in my mind because of which I had started backing off after the first few dates when things had started to get more physical than the mouth to mouth kisses in my relationships.

“Jon, go home for now. I need some time to think. You can’t expect me to be all fine when one fine day, you suddenly decide that you want me.”

“I know you’re angry at me but I’ll do anything to make this right  and to have a future with you. You can take as much time as you like but please tell me there is a chance. You don’t know how sorry I am for being a moron that I was all those years ago. Please forgive me. I’ll never hurt you ever again. Just tell me what to do to make you my wife and I’ll do whatever it is. I can’t live without you. My life has no meaning and it can only truly begin when you’re in it.”

“I understand what you mean to say, Jon. But , I can’t promise you anything right now. Please try to understand.”

“Alrite, I understand but I am not gonna let you go so easily. I’ll be back tonight.”

With that, he opened the door and went out.













I spent a restless day going back and forth between rooms and finally leaving for a walk to make sense of the situation I was in.

As promised, I heard the doorbell ring at 9 pm that night with Jon waiting at the door.I got up to open it.

“So can I come in or am I gonna spend another night out in the cold? I don’t think you want that on your conscience.” He said .

I stepped aside to let him in.

“Please don’t think I am gonna spend another night on the sofa on your account.” I told him.

“You won’t need to, I’ll find a place to crash.”

“I am really tired. I think I am gonna go to bed.” I told him ,and walked to my room to avoid talking about us.

I changed into my night gown and lay down in my bed, but sleep refused to come. I couldn’t shake off the uneasy feeling about Jon being in the house. I finally closed my eyes and started to drift off when the rustle of the blankets woke me up.

“It’s really uncomfortable out there and I am already stiff from sleeping on the floor outside last night. Please don’t kick me out. I swear not to disturb you and to keep my mouth shut.”

I couldn’t sleep after that no matter how hard I tried and I knew from Jon’s constant shuffling and moving that he was awake too.

“So, did you ever go beyond kissing a guy after me?” I heard him whisper in the dark after a while.

“No, and it’s none of your business.” I felt angry and hurt again and my eyes started to water.

I heard him move toward me and felt a hand on my shoulders. Jon moved closer and pressed his body into me from behind. I felt all those years of pain slowly draining away and all I could feel at this point was love or lust, I couldn’t really tell. All I wanted was to let go of everything make love to the man who I’d been waiting for so many years but my pride and ego did not allow me to make the first move.

I felt a hand creep into my nightgown on my naked breast and felt a gentle squeeze. I could now feel Jon’s erection growing bigger and pressing into my back. He began to rub against me.

“Jon please, don’t”

“We both know we are meant to be together and nothing tonight s gonna stop me from making love to the most important woman in my life.”

With this he forcibly turned me around and pinned me underneath him. He grabbed my mouth and pushed his soft lips against mine with his hands kneading my breasts. He then pulled down my nightgown and moved down to my breasts and started sucking on them while making rough, almost animalistic sounds. I could feel his need growing through my thin gown. He pulled up my gown, pulled down my underwear and brought his face right on top of mine and looked deep into my eyes. Nothing in my life could compare to that moment. Everything else, our separation, our arguments fell apart and the only real thing was that moment, the fact that we were together and finally making love to each other. I felt him enter me and felt a wince of pain.

“You’re finally mine”, he whispered, while looking into my eyes.

I felt him move inside me for a few short minutes and then the passion became too much for us as I wrapped my legs around him and we exploded together.

We lay down snuggled next to each other and talked all night long, about us, the years together and the years apart.

Everything in my life finally made sense now , with the love of my life finally managing to break through to my heart . And that’s how I got Jonathan back.



WORD COUNT : 3849 WORDS