notes

4/21/94
Diary entry:

Today I am writing on the spur of the moment. There is something beyond my vision that seems literally inescapable. Perhaps it is better that I am writing with the aid of a computer. I can just let my thoughts race through the keyboard with little interference from my internal editor. Something way out there that seems
almost completely inaccessable. Spur of the moment thoughts seem to have the most energy. I am witnessing a change in my consciousness. I don't seem to be struggling in my writing like I used to with the old pen and paper. There has to be a reason for this. The way things are going I would rather be working this way. Always have the energy no matter what. The thoughts just seem to come and go as they please. It's almost magical how the words just sort of pass directly from my brain into the computer.

I like the raw energizing feeling I get from working with the computer. My thoughts just race like lightning through my consciousness. There is an underlying theme available. Perhaps it
also has something to do with that idea of creative pressure. The need to express oneself is almost overwhelming. I would like to expand on these ideas but it appears I have been moving in the
wrong direction. I seem to have been fighting the natural creative process that is inherent to the human mind. If I could access those higher realms of thought I know that I could achieve my best results.

The inevitable washing over of grief. Well, all writer's share something in common I believe. We are unbelievably lazy yet unbelievably productive all at once. What could be easier than recording our most creative thoughts in an understandable form and yet we dread even the smallest hint of unproductive writing.