Soccer Mom

“No, Jeanine, the files are in the black cabinet with the other Accounts Receivables.”

Diane Balven sat in her car, cell phone up to her ear as she turned the dark blue Dodge Caravan onto the highway.  Five young children, all between the ages of 7 and 9 and all of whom were dressed in bright yellow uniforms, sat behind her.  Two boys were in deep discussion about Pokeman cards, another boy was playing furiously on a Gameboy, and the last two, a boy and a girl, were fighting and yelling at each other.

“Hold on, Jeanine.”  Setting the cell phone down against her leg, Diane turned slightly in her seat to glower at the two fighting.

“Billy, let go of your sister's hair!  Lisa, stop hitting your brother with your soccer cleats!”

"But Moooom, he started it!"

“No, she started it!”

“I don't care who started it!  I'm going to finish it if you don't knock it off right now!”

With another glare into the rearview mirror, Diane picked up the phone again.

“Sorry.  Ok, did you find them yet?  Yes the ones in the green folder.  Those need to get to John by 5 o'clock today.  Thanks a million.”

Hanging up the call, she set the cell phone back in a very large, black leather shoulder bag situated between the driver and passenger seats.  Another look in the rearview mirror drew an exasperated sigh from her.

“I swear to God, if you two can't sit still without hurting each other in the time it takes me to get you to practice, you're both grounded for a week with no ice cream!”

This must have had the desired effect because both children suddenly looked horrified and quit trying to pinch each other so enthusiastically. The boy with the Gameboy slouched down in his seatbelt a bit, closing the game console and looking distinctly pale.

"Mrs. Balven...I don't feel so good..." 

“Dillon honey, do you think you can make it for five more minutes? We're almost there.”  Dillon gulped in some air and went from pale to a delicate shade of green. 

Inwardly swearing, Diane signaled and pulled off to the side of the road as quickly as she could, praying she wouldn't have to mop up puke for the second week in a row.  With the kind of haste and efficiency only a mother can learn, Diane was out of her seat and sliding open the van door to unbuckle Dillon.

“Come on sweetheart, outside.  Get some fresh air.”  As soon as Diane had managed to get Dillon outside, the boy took two steps and upchucked his lunch.  Sighing again, she leaned inside to get her shoulder bag, rummaging around until she found a package of baby wipes. 

Only women who didn't have children believed that only babies needed baby wipes.  Taking one out, she went back to Dillon and set a motherly hand against his back, handing him the cool wipe after he'd finished.

“Here you are honey.  Let's get you cleaned up and back inside.”  Leaving him to clean his own face, she leaned into the van again. “Justin, hand me Dillon's water bottle please.”

One of the Pokeman boys, the one with sandy hair and a billion freckles, reached under the seat and retrieved a bright blue Gatorade water bottle, handing it to Diane.  “Thank you, dear.”  Popping the top open, she handed this to Dillon as well who took it and drained nearly half of it before coming up for air.

“Feel better?” she asked.  Dillon nodded and gave Diane a grin with a few gaps where baby teeth had recently fallen out.  Diane returned the smile and guided him back to the car.  “Good.  But let's leave the Gameboy alone for now, ok?”

Sliding the van door closed again, she moved back to driver's side, the whoosh of air from a passing semi truck pressing her to the hot metal of her vehicle before managing to get the door open.  Back in the blessed cool of air conditioning, she replaced her seatbelt and turned to look at the children.

“Everyone's seatbelts on?”  A chorus of voices replied with "Yes."  Easing the car back into gear, she signaled and caught an opening in traffic.  The Pokeman boys were now teasing Dillon with lines like "Did lunch taste as good this time?" and "Can I play your Gameboy?"

“Billy!  I've had enough.  Put down your water bottle right now.  No TV tonight for you.”

"But Mom...!"

“No 'buts'!  Leave your sister alone or I'll extend it to no TV for a week.”  Billy, with the same dark brown hair and blue eyes as his mother, crossed his arms huffily over his chest and slammed himself back into the seat.  Lisa, who'd inherited her father's blonde hair and her mother's eyes, grinned smugly and opened up a large picture book about barnyard animals.

“God what a day...”  Diane turned up the radio to hide her whispered comments, the sounds of Garth Brooks coming through the speakers.

The rest of the ride went relatively smoothly. 

Justin and David were both a few cards different, Dillon had recovered admirably from being sick and was excitedly talking with Billy about some new shoot 'em up game for the Xbox while Lisa read quietly about chickens and goats and Farmer John.  The large splashes from her brother's water bottle had already dried. 

With the minivan pulled into a parking spot and the engine turned off, the boys all took off their seatbelts and, screaming like boys, pelted pell mell out of the van and out to a grass field next to the parking lot.  Lisa was a bit more civilized, but not very far behind the boys having abandoned her book in a pile of glossy pages, both braids bouncing against her shoulders as she ran. 

Unable to help herself, Diane smiled as she sedately got out of the van with the leather bag on her shoulder before checking under seats and on the floor then closing the door.  Three water bottles, two hats, and one soccer ball were added to her armload which she carried over to the sidelines of the soccer field.  A crowd of kids descended upon the pile and within seconds she was left with nothing but her shoulder bag and a blessed 45 minutes of sit down time. 

Sliding into one of the benches on the bleachers set up along one side of the field, she caught a wave from a perky blonde woman at the other end.  Smiling, she waved back as the woman made her way over.

“Hello Sarah, how's Gary doing?” Diane asked.

"Oh, much better.  The doctor says he'll have the cast off in three days, but you know Gary.  He can't stand the wait."  Smiling again, Diane took out a package of peanut butter crackers and bottled water from her bag, searching the opposite side of the field for a young boy with a large blue cast.  Lunch had been as hurried as her afternoon was and she was starving.

"How's Billy doing?" Sarah inquired.

“The usual.  He and his sister can't spend five minutes together without getting into a fight.  I feel more like a referee than a mother.”  The two of them laughed at that despite the ring of truthfulness that both knew to be there. 

A whistle sounded from within a large group of yellow uniforms and they broke apart, each child running out onto the field as if this were their big game.  A glance at her watch told her it was 8 minutes until practice officially starts.

“Looks like the coach just needed some air.”  Sarah laughed at that, nodding in agreement.

"I don't know how you do it Diane.  I'd drive myself crazy if I had to drive around five kids to these practices." 

“Yeah.”  Truth was, Diane didn't even know how she did it or what had possessed her to volunteer in the first place, but it really wasn't that bad.  Most of the time.

---------------

With the soccer practice finally over, Diane set her John Grisham book inside her bag and smiled at all the kids as they streamed past, all talking in shouts and laughs as they replayed their various moments on the playing field.  Dillon and Justin were taking turns kicking a soccer ball at one another, Lisa was filling up her water bottle from a large yellow cooler on the bench, and the coach was still talking to David and Billy.

“Come on kids! McDonald's for dinner,” Diane called out.  Amidst shouts of "Yay!" and "Whoopee!" and "I want nuggets!" she walked back to the van to unlock and open it.  Three kids piled in, all with more grass stains than her poor heart wanted to deal with, all chattering excitedly about what they wanted for dinner.  One of Lisa's braids was coming undone and Justin's shoes were untied.

“Justin, tie your shoes.  Lisa, come here baby, your hair's falling out.”

"Mooom.."  But the little girl leaned over and within 15 seconds her hair was restored.

"See you next practice Mrs. Balven!"

“Oh, thank you Pete.  We'll be here.”  Pete, the kindly, balding coach, gave a final wave and a smile as he walked to his car with a large duffel bag full of soccer balls.  David came jogging up, his cleats loud against the asphalt as he too climbed in to Diane’s minivan.

“Buckle up everyone.”  Wait a minute… “David, where's Billy?”

"He said he had to go the bathroom."  Sure enough, a flash of yellow had just gone inside the public restroom building set a ways off from the field.

“Does everyone have everything they came with?  Water bottles, hats, giant alien tarantulas?”

"Ewwww."  Lisa gave a disgusted face, but the boys thought it hilarious and laughed riotously.

"Yes Mrs. Balven,” they all answered.

“Alright then.  Stay here, be good.”  Shouldering her bag, she walked over to the restroom building to avail herself of its utilities, surveying as she did so that most everyone had left or was in the processing of leaving.

“Billy, are you still in there?” she called out from outside the door.  It was one of those open air type bathrooms to keep the smell down so her voice echoed off the tile in the boys restroom.  Already walking to the women's side, she stopped when she didn't immediately hear an answer back.

“Billy?  Are you in there?  Answer me young man!”  But the bathroom remained stubbornly silent and her heart rate quadrupled in speed.  He's just hiding.  He's angry about my punishment and he's hiding, that has to be it, she thought.

“If I come in there and I find you, you are in deep trouble Mister.”  Switching directions, she walked to the men's side and went in without hesitation.  There were only three stalls and all of them were empty.  As was the rest of the room.

“Billy!?”  Oh God.  Her son…

Diane nearly tripped as she ran out of the bathroom, calling out Billy's name again.  The children in the car looked out curiously, Lisa taking off her seat belt to get closer to the open door.

"Where'd he really go Davey?" she asked.

“He said he was going to the bathroom, I swear!”

"Man, your mom really isn't happy,” observed Justin.

A flash of movement from the trees nearby caught Diane's eye and she looked over, hair whipping around with the force of the gesture.  A yellow shirt, moving through the trees. 

“BILLY!”  She started jogging in that direction.

"Mo-!" 

A cry, cut off halfway, then a caustic expletive. 

She was running now, flat out in her business suit and she'd take the time later to thank God she'd worn her flats today.  She didn't notice the heavy weight of her shoulder bag banging against her hip with each step, focused only on the fast moving figure up ahead. 

A man.  A man who had her son.  A son who was kicking and struggling. 

No.  The HELL this man was going to take her baby boy away, no SIR! 

Knowing he'd been seen and pursued, the man cut sharply to the left and across the bare, now vacant soccer field.  Someone had forgotten their ball and hat on the sidelines.  Why would she notice something like that even as she was chasing down her life?? 

He was fast, was running flat out with Billy now, no longer attempting to quiet the boy's screams.  The kids in the van all grew deathly silent for a full 3 seconds before they exploded into movement, Lisa running out of the car followed closely by the other three who'd had to take off their seat belts.

Diane continued running, spotted the soccer ball again, and changed her course just slightly.  Between one stride and the next, her back leg kicked outward with all the force she could muster into the stray ball, the black and white bullet streaking toward the man even as she heard her skirt tear. 

THWACK! 

The ball flew true and slammed into the back of the man's head and it had the desired effect.  He stumbled hard with a not so muttered curse to his knees, subsequently dropping Billy in the process.  Diane's heart rejoiced, but this wasn't over yet. 

The other children were shrieking and tearing across the field off to her left but she had eyes only for this...this bastard.  She'd continued running after kicking the ball and it was with both hands holding the straps of her shoulder bag that she met him, swinging the bag like a battle mace.  Indeed, she'd forgotten all about the can of Mace in her bag.  No, she wanted payback.

“You...think...you would...get away...with...my SON!?”  Each pause was punctuated with another slam of bag into head or shoulders or back.  Whatever she could reach of him.  The man's arms came up to protect him, but Hell hath no fury like a mother scared out of her mind.  He wore a black ski mask, but she didn't need to see his face to know when she'd knocked him out.  He wasn't moving anymore and that was good enough for her.  The bag slipped from her now numb fingers and she turned around, eyes searching for Billy.

“Billy?”  Her voice shook, desperate.

"Mom!"  Sobbing, she fell to her knees and wrapped her arms around him, the other children forming a half circle around the trio.

"Dude.  Your mom is so cool!"

----------------

"And then she kicked him with the soccer ball!"

“She ran so fast!”

“...hit him a gazillion million times with her bag!"

“And she kicked him with the soccer ball!”

“...Billy was screaming and…”

“The guy was running really fast…”

“...she kicked him…”

“Man, and with her bag!”

“...with the SOCCER BALL!”

The poor cop was surrounded by four excited, screaming, loud kids and from the looks of it, didn't quite know what to do about it.  Diane sat on the bleachers, huddled beneath one of those wool blankets that cops always seem to have with them and still holding Billy.

"Come on Mom, I'm ok.  You can let go now, jeeeez,” Billy complained.  She knew she was being over protective now, knew there wasn't any more danger left, but Diane couldn't get herself to let go just yet.

“Not just yet Billy.  Humor your mother.”  Billy rolled his eyes, but secretly grinned as he let his mother hug him.  Maybe when this was over, she would forget about the No TV punishment and get extra ice cream.  A tall man came walking through the crowd then, his blonde hair mussed from many runs with his fingers, obviously looking frantically for something. 

“Mike!”  Diane called out to her husband and he turned, running over to the pair and enveloping both in a tight hug.

"Daaaad, you're squishing me!" 

“You're alright?  You're both alright?”

“Yes Mike, we're fine.”  But she felt like crying again anyway as she clung to both son and husband.

“Did they get him?  How far did he go?  What happened?”  No one had told him anything other than his son had almost been abducted.  Billy piped up, a big grin on his face.

"Dad!  It was soo cool!  Mom beat the crap out of him and knocked him out!  So then Gary's mom called the cops 'cause she was the only one still here and they arrested him."  Mike looked stunned for a moment and looked from his son to his wife.

“Really?”  Diane smiled almost shyly and nodded. 

“Really.  And I tore my skirt doing it.  Oh!  I forgot to call all the kids' moms!”  Covering her mouth with her hand as if this were some egregious sin, Mike stared for a moment.  Then he laughed and hugged them again.

“Officer, how much longer will we be needed?” he asked.

"You're free to go actually.  We've got everyone's statement."  The four children were still regaling the other cop of the tale, all of them at once.  "...so we shouldn't need anything else." 

“Hear that kids?” Mike called over his shoulder.  “We can go.  Chuck E. Cheese for everyone!”  Five kids yelled in excitement and streaked for the van.

Chuck E. Cheese was better than McDonald's any day.