"New world order" the novel by daishi

As I look out at the new york city skyline I can't help but think about my past. I can see what events have designed what I've become today, tailor made by fate. I can't help but to glance up at the moon, wondering that a cosmic body could appear as a shining beacon in the night. The sensation pulls towards me as if gravity is reversing and I can't look away. In a way I am like the moon, we both have our scars but we both still shine through the damage. There was a time when we would gaze at the moon together and I keep thinking that she might be looking up at it too, from wherever she might be now. The memories were good but they now leave a bitter taste of ash, knowing that she shaped my life so much and left me alone in a hell of my own design. All I have left is that guiding spirit within me, another reminder but a better one. She unlocked something within me, something I couldn't explain until she opened up what was within me.

As I get back into my car and drive away, I start to think about where my live might lead me. It's like I'm balanced on the edge of a knife and I could slip at any givin moment. And I can't help how the wolf in me is going to help me through it... This is my story...

It starts in my sophmore year of highschool in 2006, that's when I started to really change, I spent most of my school career as a loner, never really fitting in. I only trusted a select few people because I've been backstabbed to much for my own good. I was finally convinced by one of my good friends (insert name) to become a volunteer firefighter. I had always wanted to since I was a baby, I even had a fire chief pedal car. So I went for it at the age of 16. This was a significant improvement because It was the first active thing I've done since I played little league soccer. I fell in love with the fire service, before that I was laid back and lazy. I would spend my day blowing off my homework and playing
video games. For the first time in my life I had found a sense of trust and friendship, The other members soon became my second family. I finally felt motivated for the first time in my life. Other then this I never really changed, I still would spend nights on my computer, I still felt alone outside of my "brothers and sisters" at the FD.

One day I ended up meeting a girl on one of my video games, her name was (insert name) and she was just a couple of months older then me. something pulled me to her... I couldn't explain it at the time but it's the same way I feel when I look at the moon. We found it hard to be seperated at all, I spent more time on the computer talking to her. I finally felt complete for the first time in my life. From there it built up, we started calling each other, I found out she lived several hours away from me. We exchanged pictures and we talked for hours together. We talked like this for two years, getting to know each other so well we didn't even have to speak to know what the other was thinking. Many things had changed by then, I had a car and I could drive, and one night after a blowout with my mother I decided to leave and I drove down to see her. I left (insert name of town) and didn't look back.

I arrived in (insert name of town and state) at her house by 6 am, 5 hours of driving was hell but I though it was worth it. I called her and told her I was outside and I sat on my car hood and lit up a cigarette. I will never forget the first time I saw her. Her long flowing blonde hair getting tossed around as she ran out of her door. The wide smile on her pale face was energizing, and her brown eyes were so entrapping I could have fallen into them. I felt that pull stronger then ever, I got up and flicked the cigarette butt into the street just in time to catch her as she pounced on me. That moment was burned into my heart and mind and will never be erased.