The First Time

There he was, casual and confident at my door. Normally, he’d have come straight in and we’d have hit the bedroom- but this was different. There was a tension, and trying to just be friends was the hardest thing in the world.
I put my little sisters to bed and we headed down to the living room. A dark cloud of apprehension hovered the room as he sat down. Where should I sit? On the opposite sofa? Next to him? On his lap like old times?
That's what I wanted.
It was hard to keep away from him. Casually sat there, torturing me in his dark grey joggers, the ones he always wore when he knew he’d be wanting to get undressed quickly. Was that a sign? I didn’t know. His yellow top clung to his chest. It was my favourite top of his and he knew it, was he doing this just to taunt me?
His dark brown arms sprawled across the back of my sofa, tensed slightly to show off his muscle. The muscle he knew I loved…
He was looking at me now.
Seductive, painful eyes. I wonder what he was thinking, did he want me? Did he want it? Did he get pleasure out of seeing me so tentative? Could this boy that used to love me, really be that evil?
‘Make me a drink, bitch’
I jumped, then blushed at myself for being so pathetic.
I looked at him, only wanting to hate him, but only able to love him.
He’d said it so smoothly, so calmly. He knew he'd get it, I always gave him what he wanted. Well, apart from one thing.



He kissed me over and over, passionate kisses full of love. I wanted him so bad. His hands were all over me; I pushed my body closer, his boner pushing between my legs. I felt myself getting wetter, why was this so erotic? Was it because id been without him for so long?
I pulled at his top, wanting his naked skin against my body. He tugged it off between kisses, as I pulled off mine. Reaching behind my back, he snapped off my bra, my breasts spilling into the musty air. He stroked and caressed; my nipples hardening under his touch.
I undid my trousers, wanting more, and taking the hint, he ripped them off and sent his hand down. He tickled gently with his fingers, knowing I loved it, but it wasn’t enough. Sensing this, he went straight down and slipped in his two fingers; the easiness of this. I gasped, how could I have gone without this for so long?
O god, I loved him. I pulled him closer, kissing him over and over. Feeling selfish, I reached out for his dick; edging downwards. He released his fingers, and began twiddling with my hair, as I began licking the head, knowing it drives him crazy. He groaned, pushing my head closer, I knew what it meant, but I felt like teasing him...
*
“I love you” I gasped, in between hot, steamy kisses
“..you too” he grunted back.
His hands explored my body, a path he knew so well.
His dick pressed up against my crotch, I knew he wanted it. He wanted me.
Why was I so anxious about giving it to him; I know I love him.
In fact, I know I want him, I desire him.
Maybe this would prove that.
Maybe it would bring him back...
I eased my hand downwards, seizing his dick. It was harder than ever before. Maybe he knew he was going to get what he wanted.
I guided him in slowly, but he soon took over and eased it in himself.
I began to worry,
I gasped at the pain, but it was almost immediately over and he began up and down.
Finally we were combined, finally together as one. No-one could break us apart, not anyone. At this precise moment, not even she could come between us.
The movements got quicker and I clutched his back; wanting to hold this moment forever.
I dug my nails in; I just wanted to keep hold of him.
I couldn’t lose him again.
I wanted to cherish everything, taking in his body, taking in his scent, taking in his flavour, taking in his love.
I looked deep into his eyes, eyes that should have been filled with love and appreciation.
There was no love there- just hollow pits of anger and discontent.
He wasn’t here in this room with me, his mind was elsewhere; probably thinking of her.
And that's when it happened.
Something inside me snapped and it was the most excruciating thing I’ve ever felt in my life.
And I know, at that millionth of a second, my heart broke cleanly in two.
I couldn’t look at him, it was unbearable.
Tears filled my eyes, eyes that were full of love and appreciation.
I turned away from him, but he was still inside me, poisoning me.
I couldn’t stop the tears, they streamed down my face and I bawled like a baby.
He withdrew quickly, asking what was wrong.
I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t think, I couldn’t even look at him. I just knew one thing.
I had just made love to a boy that didn’t love me.
It whirred in my mind over and over, sending me into a state of panic and confusion.
He kissed me again and again, wiped away my tears.
Taking me into his arms and onto his lap, he looked at me, finally there, in the room with me.
I looked up into his deep brown eyes, blurry from my tears, but still there. And he looked at me, really looked at me ever since she’d entered his life.
It was agonizing, but comforting at the same time.
My face was sodden with tears, but he wiped them away as I rocked on his lap, silent now, but the tears still pouring down my cheeks.
“You’ll always be my baby” he shushed in my ear…