A Matter of Life

  The bus smelled like chapstick and sweat, and across the aisle Ethan Tomley and his possey of over-muscled fatheads were whispering. I hated it when the football team whispered, it usually meant that something bad was going to happen and happen fast. At least that was one good thing about them, they didn't have the foresight to see too far ahead in the future. I quickly scanned the bus to see who the intended victim was. The morning sun glared into my eyes and decided not to worry about it, we would be at school in less than ten minutes anyway. Chelsae, my best friend, tugged on my sleeve, and whispered hotly in my ear, "Ethan is looking at us."

  Sure enough, Ethan and his losers were smirking over at Chelsae and I. Instictively, I began to catalog everything around me to see what was out of place. Chelsae was at the window seat fiddling with her phone, she always does that when she is nervous. The freshman were at the front of the bus chattering away about whatever freshman talk about. And Ethan. Ethan was looking me dead in my eyes. I have known Ethan since I was four, and we use to wade in my Nana's wading pool. Then puberty hit and along with it football, keggars, and, of course, cruelty. I was thirteen when Ethan came over the last time to hang out, and it was strained. We didn't talk to each other really, and neither of us knew what interested the other. Then, a couple weeks later at school we met near the lockers.

  "I don't think this is working." Ethan said, and all I could look at what the zit on his forehead.

    "What isn't working?" I had asked leaning back against the lockers, one of the combinations was digging into my back.

  "Being friends." I felt my stomach wrench in some direction, and i wanted to cry. But, then anger set in.

    "Right. You are totally right. I've been feeling it too,  but didn't know, you know?" I said, trying to be nonchalant. I watched his face go from concern to surprise.

    "Yeah. Whew! I'm glad that we are  like on the same page. So, we're cool." He said and exhaled and backed up and looked up at the sky. I wondered why he did that, it was noon time and the sun was high in the sky. When he looked back at me his eyes were watering.

"Yeah, totally. I mean, yeah," I said, and it was cool. But, the kind of cool that makes you numb, and later when you get into a hot shower and twist the knob to the hottest setting it still doesn't warm your toes up.

  Ethan nodded and took a few steps towards his next class, then stopped and turned around, "You think maybe some time...?"

"Sometime what?" I asked harshly. He was dropping me and now he wanted to try to smooth things over. So typical of Ethan!

"Never mind, forget it." He'd said. But, I'd never been able to.

 



    I watched as Ethan's coffee brown eyes twitched to my left, and turned quickly to get hit in the face by something. It figures, and I was so tired that I didn't care really. When we arrived at the school the bus driver pulled to the front of the school, something that he never did. Suddenly, there was an electric buzz in the air due to the change in routine. I looked to see every student coming in the front, again something that virtually no one did. Instinctively, I turned to Ethan who glanced at me then quickly turned his gaze out the window. Chelsae was prattling, about what I don't know, and I felt a twinge of guilt as I turned my focus to the two men in suits watching the students being ushered in.

    I felt like one cow in a herd of cattle as we were corraled into the auditorium. I struggled against the crowd to find a seat when someone pushed me from the left and I stumbled into someone. I glared in the direction the assualt came from and finally found a spot to sit. The excitement had escalated from the electric buzz to the loud noise of waves crashing against a shore.

    Our principal, Principal Pimms, came to stand at the podium and no one seemed to care. Then the two men in suits came to stand next to him, and a hush settled over everyone.

    "As you can see today is a different kind of day," Principal Pimms said into the microphone. All the other students began chattering and Principal Pimms raised both hands to quiet us.

  "We have here two men from the university across the river, who have an interesting proposal to make."

  With that the two suited men stepped forward, "Hello, I'm Gray. This is my colleague." He gestured to the shorter stouter man to his right, then continued, "We will be running a program for those students who apply, and we'll have a series of obstacles and for every obstacle passed the student will earn points. Don't was what you will recieve once you accrue points, for we will not tell you. Permission slips are at the door for your parents to sign. We hope that all of you will join the program." With that, Gray stepped back and shook hands with Principal Pimms. Then he and his colleague left. I turned to Chelsae, who was prattling again with Destiny Guzman, a sophomore who always seemed to be chomping on gum.

  "This is exciting. I wonder what you get with those points?" Destiny half spoke and chomped.

  "I don't know, but I bet it'd be a good idea to join the program for College opportunities." Chelsae said thoughtfully.

        "Don't count on it!" Jackson Emory shoved at us, alongside Ethan and the meatheads en masse. I rolled my eyes and glared at Ethan. What jerks.

  "Let's get outta here." I said and began trying to mosh my way through the herd of my classmates.

  "Aren't we going to get permission slips?" Chelsae asked.

  "You can," I said and turned to leave. I didn't see the point in adding anything more to my dense course load. Advanced Placement every course, varsity cross country, academic decatholon...I didn't have time for anything new.

  That night Chelsae came over for dinner. I went up to my room while Chelsae helped my mom set the table, and found next to my backpack a permission slip. When I came down my mom looked up at me and I knew Chelsae had spilled the beans. "Honey, you don't want to join the program at school?"

  I shrugged, "Well, it isn't like I don't have enough to do already."

  "But, it could look good for scholarships..." I could feel my Mom trying persuade me.

  "Well, there isn't even an application process, they'd even let in Ethan Tomley. I said.

"You better watch out, Chelsae, if you don't ace your next Chemistry test," My mother said elbowing Chelsae. Great, now I'm a snot. My mome was laying it on thick. I knew I wasn't going to make it, and sure enough the next day I walked into the front office to turn in my permission slip.

 

  After turning in our permission slips, Chelsae and I made for our Chemistry class. I always hated having Chemistry first thing in the morning. However, once when entered the classroom I saw Gray and his "colleague" standing at the front of the room. I looked to Chelsae, who looked more excited than I'd ever seen her.

  I looked around and saw Ethan and Jackson in the backrow leaning back in their chairs as if they owned the place. Ethan caught my gaze and ironically didn't look as relaxed as his body language suggested. I quickly looked away, who cares of Ethan Tomley is nervous? Not me, nope. He is a meathead and superficial jerk who likes to throw peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at people.

    I exhaled in annoyance and shuffled over to my usual desk for the period. Gray steepled his hands and everyone, as if on cue, silenced.

"We will be calling the roster of those students that will be a part of the program. If your name is not called you are free to leave," With that Gray's colleague began the roll call.

  As name after name was called everyone started to be more relieved, that is, everyone except Chelsae. After every name was called it became apparent that Chelsae Gilmore had not been called.

"What about me?" Chelsae whispered into my ear. I looked over to see her crestfallen face and felt a tug in my chest. Chelsae really wanted to be a part of this program, whatever it was.

"I don't know," I whispered back.

"Mr. Gray?" She asked raising her hand. Gray turned his gaze and focused on Chelsae. But, instead of answering her he merely stared. In a single stare, unbroken by blinks, the weight of every indecent thing Chelsae has ever done settled onto her shoulders. I couldn't help it but my own gaze was turned on Chelsae, who was flushing a deeper and deeper shade of red. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and pushed my books off my desk so that maybe the moment would be broken. What good could possibly come of staring at someone who has asked you a question?

  The clatter from my books caused Gray to inhale, "You are dismissed," he finally sniffred. Chelsae looked as if someonehad punched her in the stomach, but she collected her books and left the room.

  Once the door closed Gray turned back to us. "Now my colleague will pass a list of requirements. You must choose of the requirements three missions which will earn up to various amounts of points. If you fail to achieve the minimum of three missions you will be released from the program. If you go over you will be accelerated up the ranks of the program."

  "Mr. Gray?" I heard Jackson interupt, "What do the points get you?"

"We will come to that," Gray said dismissing Jackson.

"Can we work in teams?" Ethan asked.

"That is up to you. But, you will be evaluated on an individual basis. Now, if you look at the list of requirements you have two weeks to fulfill at least three. Once you've completed that you will move up to the Step 2, as it were. At Step 2 you will be given a new list. Each step will grow more difficult and not all of you will succeed. The final step will be an outdoor camping trip where the skills you've achieved will be tested. At the end whoever has the most points wins. Any question?"

"How many steps are there, Mr. Gray" A redheaded girl asked.

"Three," Gray answered.

"Will this help us get into college?" Destiny Guzman asked right after she popped a bubble she'd made with her gum.

"It depends entirely upon what you do in the program."

  I was beginning to grow suspicious of this guy. He wasn't answering any of the questions asked, not really. There is something off with this guy, I thought to myself. I wanted to go check on Chelsae and make sure she was alright. Who cares about "The Program" anyway? Maybe mom will let me quit since clearly no one else cool is in the program.

  "So, let's begin with your Chemistry class then. I look forward to our next check-in," Gray said tunring on his heel, then deliberately turned, "Oh, I almost forgot. my colleague will pass out badges, these must be visible at all times while in the program." With that Shorty handed out a badge to each one of us, and this was my final straw of irritability.

"Okay, Gray," I said, "Who is your colleague?"

"Oh, excuse me,"Gray said politely, "This is Boj."

"Boj?" I asked, and Boj nodded to me, "Well it's nice to meet you."

When I looked back to Gray he looked very thoughtfully at me, then nodded to Boj and the two weirdos left.

  After class Ethan jogged uo to me, "Cool stuff, huh?"

"Yeah, if you're into social darwinism." I quipped cynically

"You're just PMSing because your lezzie lover got the boot." He shot back

"How original. A girl disagrees with you so she is PMSing, or isn't creaming over you so she's a lesbian. Why are you followin me anyway?" I asked irritatedly.

"I was wondering if you'd want to do the three mission with Jackson and I?"

"Why would I want to do that?" Was he crazy? I hate him and Jackson and they hate me!

"Because it would be the perfect team. Your brain could come up with a plan and the two of us could do the heavy lifting." Ethan said it so simply I blinked. It did sound like a decent plan but for one thing.

"That sounds good, but I'm quitting," I said and strode over to my Political Science class.

"Why because Chelsae isn't in? " Ethan asked continuing to follow me. He was in my next class, this school is definately too small.

"No. I already have so much to do. I don't have time to do these 'missions' on top of everything. Besides, I don't want to wear these badges-they scream 'hall monitor'."

"Who cares about the badges? Look, if you join the team we could plit the work three ways. Think: maybe scholarship monedy down the road."

  Ehtan's retarded plan sounded like it could actually work. Okay, I had to admit it wasn't really all that retarded of a plan. But, I really didn't see the point. Gray hadn't promised anything to us except winning.

  "Gray really hasn't given us a good reason to compete, Ethan. Why do you care?" I asked. Ethan stopped in the middle of the busy hallway and looked around. I could see the other students around us running to class, and knew that class would be starting soon. Suddenly, he grabbed my hand, "Come with me."



  I think it was curiousity, that's the only reason that makes sense to me. But, I followed Ethan as he pulled me along with him through the hallways of the school and outside, past the bleachers, over the fence in the southeast corner of the football feild, and up a tree that overlooks the river.

"Where are we?" I asked. I knew where we were but had never been so hidden and yet so close to the river.

"It's just some place I go when I want to clear my head." He shrugged. I reflected on the fact that for the first time I had ditched class. I had ditched class with the captain of the football team, no less. Man, I am one step away from turning into a cheezy teen movie.

  I heard Ethan exhale next to me, 'Look, I know you hate me, Erin, but please help me. I need to get out of here. If I stay in this town I'll never get out from under my Dad's expectations for me. I thought football could get me out, but look at me. I'm too small."

"That's ridiculous, Ethan, you're huge." I said

"For high school. Look I'm six foot one and run alright, but those college guys...they'll just tear me up. Everyone wants to be the quarterback. and this could get me out, Erin. Please, we could help each other." His coffee brown eyes pleaded into mine and I instantly remembered being ten years old.

  We were on his parents' roof, and each of us were holding a corner of a sheet we'd snagged from the dryer. I wasn't sure, and deathly afraid of heights.

  "Ethan, I don't know." I'd said looking to him. My best friend always knew what to do.

"Come on, Erin. Don't be a pooper scooper. We'll just float away." The, he turned the brownest eyes I'd ever seen on me and I was suddenly jumping into oblivion. I ended up braking my arm and getting a scar on my  chin.



  Those same brown eyes looked at me, but this time from a man's face. I considered his proposal and it did sounded logical until the conversation with those brown eyes with a silver combination lock digging into my back came back to visit me. I remembered how foolish I felt at being heartbroken because my best friend didn't love me anymore.

  "No, I'm quitting the program, And even if I were to stay I wouldn't join your team because all you and Jackson would do is mooch off of me. " I snapped and rose from my spot in the tree and began to climb down.

"Fine. Whatever," Ethan cranked back.





  At lunch Chelsae plopped her tray onto the table. Sometimes she can be so dramatic!

"Don't worry, Chels, I'm quitting, They're stupid not to want you," I said hugging her.

  "You can't quit, Erin," she said, "I wouldn't be a good friend if I let you quit on this opportunity. No, I'm going to help you achieve victory!" With that she pumped her fist into the air, what a drama queen!

  "But, Chels, they want us to wear badges."

"So?" Chelsae clearly didn't understand.

"But, I'd be tied to Ethan, Jackson, and all those other punks," I said. trying to get her to see my point.

"So?" Chelsae blinked,

"But, I'm my own person. Unique and I don't want to be like bonded to Ethan."

"Erin, we're all different. But, I think that its those bonds we have with each other that makes the difference, you know?"

  Chelsae made sense, I guess. "Alright. Ooo, did I tell you that Ethan and Jackson want to team up with me?" Soon the juicy gossip distracted Chelsae. But, I couldn't distract the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

  Ethan strode right up to our table, "Hey, lesbians."

  I held my tongue, because I was so very close to saying something disgusting.

  "What do you want, Ethan," I asked. Secretly relieved that I was able to hold my tongue.

  "You ever wonder what'd be like to sleep with a man?"

"Yeah, someday, let me know when you see a man," I retorted

"You're looking at one," Ethan said, "But, you're not my type. Even if you ask nicely."

  "Don't worry, Ethan, you'll never have to worry about me asking to sleep with you," I said and patted him no the shoulder.

  I turned back to my fruit up and realized that a bunch of student were watching us. One girl was staring right at the badge clipped to my shirt, and I saw Ethan had his clipped on too. I went back to my fruit cup.

  "So, what do you want?" Chelsae asked. Good ol' Chels. She has always secretly wanted to be friends with Ethan and Jackson.

  "I wanted to see if Erin has considered my offer." Smooth, Ethan, like I wouldn't tell my best friend baout his moronic proposal.

  "It's being reviewed by the committee," I said sweetly and smiled.

"By that you mean you and Chelsae are going to decide together," Ethan said, then put his hands on Chelsae's shoulders and began to messauge.

  "That isn't going to work," I said and picked up my tray. Schmoozing my best friend? What a man-whore! Whatever, now I'm  definately rejectinghis lame plan. He can lose and stay in this lousy town! And not only that-

"You okay, Erin?"  Chelsae interrupted my thoughts.

"What?" I asked

"You okay? You don't usually let Ethan get to you that badly."

"Oh, well he was messing with you. I don't like it when people mess with my friends," I said.

"Uh-huh," she said thoughtfully. I don't really like the she said it, but what can I do?

"What?" I asked defensively

"Nothing. Anyway, maybe should consider his offer." Chelsae shrugged.

"You can't ve serious," I burst, "teaming up with that caveman?"

"What if there is some physical stuff? He could help."

"What do I need him for? I have you," I said smiling. Chelsae rolled her eyes. I knew I'd won.





"So which missions are you going to do, honey?" My mom asked later that day.

"The duct tape one I think," I shrugged

"Duct tape?" She asked

"Yeah, I go around and see how many people I can get to wear a peice of duct tape."

"Why?"

"I don't know, but aren't you glad that you made me do it?" I asked irritadely. Then I exhaled, what a jerk, "Mom, I'm sorry. I don't know why I snapped at you."

"What's going on?" I hate it when my mom goes all Bob Saget on me, but I thought what the heck? Why not unload on her?



"This whole Program thing is getting to me. I mean it's turned everyone upside down. They turned out Chelsae and Ethan came to me with this idea to team up. And just to get what he wants he tried to manipulate Chelsae."

"Manipulate Chelsae?" She asked

"Yeah, I had said no already and he started like rubbing her shoulders to try and get her make me change my mind."

  My mom seemed to consider something for a moment, then said, "Tell me this: what bothered you that, Ethan was trying to get you to change your mind, or that he was touching someone else?"

"What does that mean?" I asked, "Haven't you been listening to a thing I have said?"

"No, I heard you. But, are you bothered that he wants your best friend to help him or that he may want your best friend?"

"I don't care what he wants. As long as he stays away from Chelsae and me."

"I see," She said. Things have been getting clearer for everyone but me, it seems.



The next day at school Chelsae and I began our duct tape mission. Surprisingly, due to Chelsae's vivaciousness probably, a lot of people wanted to wear a strip of silver adhesive. That is, everyone but Ethan and Jackson, whom looked sullenly at us throughout passing periods and lunch. At lunch I was walking towards the conveyor belt to put my tray away when Ethan came up behind me, "So, duct tape, eh?" I could see Chelsae glance my way, and I made eye contact.

"Nothing gets passed you, Tomley," I said sarcastically

"But, that mission is only worth one point. You need to get three."

"Again, stating the obvious."

"Well, whatever. Jackson and I are doing a mission that is worth three points."

"I don't care."

"I know. But, just in case you change your mind..."With that he left and Chelsae waltzed up. I ran over the conversation in my head, as she asked "So, what did he want?"

"I don't get it," I said, "I'm not all that smart. I don't get why  he wants me on his team so badly. I mean both he and Jackson hate me, so why go through the trouble?"

"Because, they want to win?" Chelsae asked as if I were grading her answers.

"Maybe." I said pensively. It just didn't make sense, I mean I'm decent with grades, but not a smarty by any means. If only Ethan and Jackson knew how hard I study every night just to get my grades.

"I really think you should consider their offer. It could be nice having a team as opposed to going it alone."

"But, I'm not, I have you." I said

"Ha ha," Chelsae said not laughing, "Seriously, though they could help."

"With what, Chels?," I asked, "I think you just want to hang out with them. I mean you've always said that it would be nice to be popular, and now is your chance."



Chelsae looked as if I had slapped her then laughed. But, my anger wasn't spent just yet and so I added, "It is so irritating! I didn't even want to join this thing, but because you told my mom now I have to participate."



I felt everything in the cafeteria still, well not everything, but the world was quiet for me as I stared into my brokenhearted bestfriend's eyes. I realized I had gone too far and I wished I could take it back.

"Erin, I never meant for you to  be accepted and not me. I'm sorry." And her kind apology made me feel worse. She wasn't even snapping back at me, nope. Chelsae was actually apologizing to me.

"No, Chels, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped. I'm just so stressed and want to be left alone."

"Maybe you're stressed because you won't ask for help. We could use the guys' help."

I exhaled, I don't really want to join Jackson and Ethan but maybe it would make things easier...

"Alright, I will ask them. But, the first sign of trouble I am leaving the group and leaving the program."

The lunch bell rang and Chelsae hopped to attention then ran off to class. It was weird because she usually waits for me, but maybe she's still reeling from my meltdown. I'll leave her alone and catch up after school. I saw Ethan in my peripheral