Play the "Over Game" With Me

A conversation with friends about movies recently brought up the new Tom Cruise movie, Day and Knight. While no one had actually seen it and, therefore couldn’t offer an informed opinion, we did all agree that the reviews had not been awful but the box office receipts had. This led to a big question.  Is Tom Cruise over????? We were unanimous in our vote of “OVER.” Then came Cameron Diaz. Over? Most said ‘yes’ but there was one hangover fan from her “Charlie’s Angels” movie series. That naturally led to Drew Barrymore. “Over,” no dissent. She’s doing Cover Girl commercials, for Pete’s sake. Pete, of “for Pete’s sake”? Never over; a classic. Like Marilyn Monroe or Lucille Ball. Elizabeth Taylor? Over. Could have been a classic but hangs out with weirdos and is just plain hanging on way too long. Michael Jackson? Was over, but, strangely, in death, has become not over. Madonna? Over. Miley Cyrus. Not over. Brittany Spears? Over. Lindsay Lohan? Over, but could make a slight comeback (see Michael Jackson, above). Jessica Simpson? If not completely over, then pretty darn close. Speaking of pretty darn close: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie? Al Pacino? Matt Damon? Sorry Brangelina, Al, Matt. You’ve peaked.  A classic in the making: George Clooney? Leonardo DiCaprio? Yes and yes. In the category of “Who’d ‘a thunk it?” is Alec Baldwin (not over), Betty White (so, so not over), werewolves (not over and, in fact, starting to give vampires a run for their money). Vampires. A classic. Tony Soprano and the Mafia? Over. Paul McCartney? Over. Carole King and James Taylor? Not over. John Travolta? Poised for yet another comeback. Ergo, not over. The 80s? Over. Adam Sandler? Over. France? Over. Paris Hilton? Way, way, way over. And it’s not a pretty sight. Suzanne Somers? Over despite valiant, unknowingly embarrassing attempts to be not so. Kathie Lee Gifford? So over that I bet she’s on that ABC morning show pro bono, or, probably more likely, she’s paying them. Greece? If it weren’t for that Parthenon thing it would be over, over, over. Italy? Never over. A classic. Dubai? Hard to ignore, but very over. Taliban, not over. Oprah Winfrey? Over with a capital “O.” Jillian from The Biggest Loser? Over. And should be swallowed, feet first, by a treadmill, in my opinion. The Secret? Over. Or should I say cooked? Annette Benning? Not over. Warren Beatty? Over. Ha ha ha. Julia Roberts? Not over. A future classic. Richard Gere? So over that all he does now is try to generate good karma for his reincarnation. The Dalai Lama? Peaked but not over. The Pope? Over, over, over.

K Mart? Over. Wal-Mart? Not over. Florida? Over. Jack LaLane? Never over. Judy Garland? Still beltin’ it out. Liza Minnelli? Over (see Elizabeth Taylor, above). Donuts? Over. Bagels? Over. Hello Kitty? Unbelievably resilient. Mickey Mouse? A classic. Barbie? Never goin’ anywhere. Strawberry Shortcake? Loser!

Robin Williams? Over, at an incredibly high speed. The Kennedys? Over? The Clintons? Not over. Jennifer Lopez? Over. Or is it todo ha terminado?

Meg Ryan? Over. Or is it O’Over? Russell Crowe? Yikes, a man in tights. Should have stuck to Roman haberdashery. Denzel Washington? Classic. Gwyneth Paltrow? Who?

James Cameron? Not over. But kind of wish he was. Queen Elizabeth? Never over. Prince Charles? That is just so sad. Princess Diana? Not over. Ha ha ha. Prince William? Over. Prince Harry? Not over by a long-shot. Anything to do with Monaco? Over, in spades. Elton John? Over… weight. Meryl Streep? Don’t go there, Sister. Diana Ross? Over, and not dealing well with it, even after all this time. Eddie Murphy. Over. . . acts. Sean Penn. Not over. Tom Hanks. Too likeable to be over. Kevin Costner? Dances alone. British Petroleum? Over. And under. Being young, beautiful, stupid and angst-ridden? Over, over, over, and over. Thank God!  McDonald’s? Over, except at McFlurry time. The Chick-fil-A cow? Kicks Ronald McDonald’s ass. Bette Midler? See Meryl Streep, above. Jeff Bridges? Probably never over, amongst a very mellow, older crowd. Robert Downey, Jr. Not over. And kudos for staying alive to make one of the biggest comebacks ever. Jack Nicholson? Over. But what longevity! Morgan Freeman? Not over as long as voiceovers are popular in films. Law & Order? Technically over. But just turn on the TV anywhere at anytime. Tiger Woods? Too close to call. Michael Vick? Dog gone. Donovan McNabb? Over. Charlie Manuel? Not over. Chase Utley? Out but not over. Sixers? Over. Flyers? Not over.Philadelphia Union? Who? What?

This piece? Over. But, just for now.