I this wrote one night about knowing your terminally ill and having to face the reality. |
Before I go to Heaven I want you to know, you are the one I truly love" Sitting here in this hospital bed, I wonder how you are doing? You seem so very far away but always on my mind! I look around and feel you here but your only in my heart. I am feeling sick I want it to stop! I reach for the bright red cross button. It calls my nurse she comes without delay! She is already prepared to administer my treatment. But today I am sick already anyways. I have a hard time with the Chemo so I usually do not do much but lay in this hospital bed. I let my nurse know I feel sick to my stomach. She gets the medicine pushes it into my IV the medicine starts to work right away since it flows fast into my veins. Now sweetie she says try and get some rest. Sometime later that afternoon I started crying out loud for you! Wishing you were not so far wishing you were here to hold me tight and whisper in my ear that I will be alright. So as I sit here on this bed and tears continue to fall, I start to feel so very sleepy. So I roll on my tummy put my face on my pillow trying to stop crying but the tears continue falling so I close my eyes softly then lay silently. Finally I begin to pray, Lord up above please shine your light and guide me on my way to help me keep my faith to stay strong and follow in your path lord I am counting on you always. I will always follow your guidance please watch my loved one's today and tomorrow and lord guide them always! I am not all the way asleep, I can see you in my mind. I pretend that you can hear me so, I whisper to you with words from my heart. "I miss you and I will love you forever not only with all my heart but even when my body is here and my soul is finally freed. Finally I fall completely asleep I feel so much relief. For whenever I dream I am with you I no longer feel weak, I Just feel complete unconditional Love. Every Time in my dream that we are together you have me wrapped in your arms! You kiss me gently and caress my hair and tell me you'll always be there! You look at me with your beautiful eyes and promise me our love will never fade. Even though you know I may not be with you very long in this life, Just know even though these things happen and I leave you here alone just please remember as you wake in the morning or while looking at the moon at night wishing on a star close by,I will be right there waiting for you just beyond the sky. I know the day I meet Jesus he will let me wait for you at heaven's gates. For when you finally get there you'll take me in your arms and finally look into my eyes and I'll hear you say I love you! Then we'll cross the bridge together heart to heart and hand in hand and when we get through the golden gates we will spread our wing's and fly like all of God's creations there will no longer be a sentence that says your out of time! "KNOCK" "KNOCK" I know it was just a dream, but more then you know it's a reality for me! While having a killer disease and it's took complete control over me. Without the treatments I will not survive. So before my life's journey comes to an end I want to tell you before I go you are the one I truly love! I really hope you know! |