e-love (Chapter 21)

21

Dogs, Departures, Leftover thoughts of the future, Remains...of reality and what to do about... true feelings...

Butchie had to go back... to his life and both knew this. He had a ticket that gave him exactly 21 days and he couldn't change it. He had his things and a life somewhere else, a house, a boat, a dog called Riley. He was a medium-sized, white Bichon, 14 years old, blind of one eye and nearly blind of the other. He loved that dog, it had been with him for 13 years. He gave it to one of his daughters but he had in the end, when they left, kept him. They grew up together, were timeless, unconditional friends. He was at the Vet's and well taken care of but he would probably be upset, impatient now. Only dog owners know this...We are the only ones who understand OUR dogs. We know their habits and wants, basic needs and we sincerely miss them when we travel. We sometimes want to return to our home not because of home but because of our dog. There was a reason to come home to.

He told Christina about Riley and she understood Oh so well. She had had Blackie, her small, black Poodle that followed her everywhere, slept with her, bathed with her, ate with her and cuddled on her feet while she watched TV. She would get her leash to go out when Christina said: "Pipi!" She was her best friend and she adored that little poodle and they were always together. Once, when Blackie was sick in the Vet, she cried like a baby because she needed an urgent operation. The vet had to give Blackie some anesthesia and told her:

- Put your hand on your dog's little head and put your fingers near her nose so she can feel you and smell you and relax...It is the smell of familiarity...and love. She will be OK. You are worse than she is...relax!

She had left her dog with Amparo. She had to go from Brasilia to Recife to see Mamãe Lurdinha that was sick. When she returned her maid told her that Blackie had disappeared, escaped from the front gate when she heard a noise of a car that sounded like her master's. She ran after her but Blackie was nowhere to be found. Nowhere. She had an identification on her neck, with her name and her phone number on it. Someone had called, left a message on her answering machine - unknown number - he had found Blackie and wanted to return her but...he never called back. Maybe he decided to keep Blackie as she was so precious. How can someone keep a dog that's not your own? How can someone rip your heart that way? How can a little animal touch you so profoundly that you cannot imagine your existence without it? She was gone, forever and Christina never saw her again...but...she knows, she feels that Blackie is alive, well and loved in somebody else's home. Maybe Blackie is still waiting patiently for Christina to come back and finally bring her home...because people left us.

And so Butchie left. He left Brasilia on a rainy morning to São Paulo and to Miami. She waited a long time after he disappeared through Customs. The Officer scanned his ticket and he went in, looking back, so serious, so quiet, so handsome, so dear. She was pretending to be fine but her face was pale, her eyes were wet. She had a runny nose and knew that he was watching so she quickly cleaned her nose and face as she wanted her last image to be a good one in his mind of her. Oh why do we have to let our loved ones go when we don't want them to? Why can't we just change the destinies of our futures?

They had a quiet early morning, packing the last things in his suitcase and checking flights on-line. Why was the plane on time today? It could have delayed. Why was it raining today? So nice to cuddle in bed. Why? Why? Why? So many unanswered whys. Why it is that women always want things that are sometimes impossible? Why had that long, deep, delicious kiss in the airport been so tender and longing yet so sad? Why was she feeling numb, quiet, sad, abandoned and desperately needing of going back home?

Why was the acknowledgment of a goodbye so cutting? Goodbye for now, he had said. What does this mean? Will it end like this? IT CAN'T!!! It is too perfect and good, foreseen by that Fortune Teller, it was written on her left palm, it was written in the right side of her heart. She had many sad goodbyes but not as tough and hard as this one. Would she make it? Would she make it home? How would home be now without his noises? How would the bed be now without him inside it? How would the bathroom be without his toothbrush and his razors? How would dinner be without him? How would her daily chores be without him? Who would hear her thoughts and opinions? Who would help her with that zipper? Who would open the orange marmalade  jar? Who would open her wine bottle? Who would be there for her in that empty apartment? How would she be now? How would she be without him?

What should she do to have Butchie in her life now...?



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