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by knappr Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ · Other · Other · #1747529
being dragged down
It’s hard to be happy when everything around you demands sadness. It’s so hard for someone like me, someone diagnosed with depression, to be happy let alone when the world is nothing but dark clouds. I have not taken medication for my depression in two years and have been just fine without it, but I have come to a point where I am unsure if I can manage without it. Simply looked at I could blame the weather for my ailments. Will this winter ever end? Will the sunlight ever return? I wish I could point the blame to Mother Nature that easily, but no, I love winter and snow. It makes me happy to see snowflakes as well as snowmen, sledding, and the excuse to drink hot chocolate.
More reasonably, I have recently started interning at an alternative high school and the stress and lives of these boys have weighed heavily on my heart. Do not misunderstand me, I absolutely love my job and look forward to every day there, it is the students that have carved out their own hole in my heart and spirit. These students come in with issues beyond my control and have no aspirations because of their pasts. There is little I can do for many of them and even less I can do for those who see nothing in themselves. I give all I can where I can. My words of hope, my company, a listening ear, an outlet to turn to, as well as some stability in their lives, but is it really enough? Am I there for these students enough? How do I help even more?
Or is it the fact that I have a succubus of a roommate. I love her to death. She has become one of my best friends, but there is only so much sadness you can deal with from one person. When they say misery loves company boy do they mean it! I believe that I am truly a good counselor and a solid friend but there has to be a point where everyone wants to just say, “move on! I am tired of hearing about your problems”. I am to the breaking point with her. There is only so many ways I know how to encourage you to be happy. It’s her sadness and depression that just changes the entire atmosphere of the room, like a black hole dragging everyone in around her. So what do I do? Leave and go find some fun? Be a friend and be the listening ear ONCE AGAIN? I just don’t know!
So what is a recovering depressionalist (made up word I know) to do? I am surrounded by sadness and I am struggle to hold on to the buoy. My head is barely above the water and the seaweed and Lockness Monster have me by the ankles! I’M SENDING OUT AN SOS!
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