Retreat

I've considered being a sinner
because it seemed the easier thing to do
it was the get away
a place where all the layers couldn't exist
I was one and no one else.
I didn't need to smile when my heart was aching
not because I wasn't aware
but because there was no one there
I could sit in the dark
and let everyone assume I was asleep
But the blackness was my hideout
it was my retreat.

I've been wishing to come back now
because it seems I'm done with it
it was convinient to stay there
not a place where I could fit
I was starting to feel outnumbered
I couldn't keep up with the dynamics
not because I was weaker
but because there was nothing concrete
I'm groping at the dead end
at a wall that never exist
But I'm through with being lost now
this is my retreat