The Easy Part was Waking Up

The Easy Part was Waking Up                    



I needed you like lungs need air. But when I called out to you.. You never came. Did my screams fall on deaf ears, or did you just decide I was never really worth your time? It’s too late now to say you were wrong, that you messed up. Because like a heart without a soul I no longer care. You don’t expect me to hold your hand and pick you back up do you? That’s not me, you ruined me, and yet you still found a way to ask for my help, when you had ignored my calls. So I did just as you had, turned my head away and pretended only the wind whispered. But now what have I become?



         There’s a heart shaped hole in my chest, but I can’t seem to remember what belonged there… one of these day I will remember but that might be the end of the world. Until then is it too much to ask for you to hold my hand to get me through? Or are you too worried about yourself. Ill understand, you’ll be just like all the rest. At least I can say I stand for something at least I can say I don’t back down. Just know nothing comes between me and my plans.



         It’s his show, his life, im just the one bouncing up and down on the strings that he controls. My mouth opens and closes, but no sound comes out so nothing is there to be heard, and so the show goes on. Don’t think you’re holding me up because all I see is you holding me back.



         The seconds seem to drag on, but looking back, time passed quicker than I ever thought possible. I’ve lost seconds, moments, years. .. To a cause I have yet to remember. I heard once that what you do in life probably will have little significance, but it’s important to you that you do it.



         I watch the world go by so quickly in the rearview, but the road up ahead is coming towards me ever so slowly, and still I can see it is riddled with potholes and fissures, places one could easily get stuck. But I vow not to. I am going to keep on driving this way until im forced to go another. Time changes things, and in time maybe the road will smooth over and the dread ahead will go away.



         You act like it’s natural to break, not build. To destroy never create, but this is our world and we are its people, people who do not realize that what we are really building, what we are really fostering, is a desire for destruction. To be the best must we eliminate all the rest? Then why bother? If we all plan on blowing the other up, just to look better, then why am I here? I make no difference I am no one to decide.



         When it hurts to let go.. what are you supposed to hang on to? Who do you believe, where do you turn? You have the world screaming what it wants at you, but the scream Is all but drowned out by the little whisper you still have inside to say, this is what I want. But how do you know that speaking for yourself isn’t always the best… we’ll all learn to let go of what we have… some slower than others. Just know that if you let go… you have plenty of others to gab onto to help you stand.



         Who do you think you are, my life is not yours to pick up and move around as you please. If I want to keep it to myself it’s mine, not yours, and nothing can change that.. If you have something you need to say, say it to my face, don’t cower in the corner like a sick puppy. If once I said I trusted you, why do you make it that at every turn I shouldn’t. Im tired of waiting, im tired of being trapped. I want to break these chains that bind my legs and I want to turn and see the world for what it really can be, not the shit that everyone tries to turn it into.



         How much can you expect from one person? You always have to say something you can’t let something sit still. My life has been stupid mistakes for as long as I can remember. Am I ever good enough? No one’s perfect and I cant be that either. So why do you expect it? I can’t live up to what you want me to be forever, one of these days ill go back to the way I am. Because im like a boomerang, ill change for you, but deep down im still me.



         Another day another dollar ill never see. Building up what can easily be destroyed, you built the wall too small for the storm surge that is to come. Take me home I don’t want to be here tonight. Im happy here… that’s just the worst of lies. These are not my words they never were, im just telling the same story over and over with different words and different people. Take it back take it back. Yell it, scream it, doesn’t make a difference to me. Take it back… like that would ever happen. 



         I sit here and let the water fall from above onto my head, realizing my life is kind of boring, I do very little and expect the same. Well then what happens when im tossed into reality, what do I do then, who do I turn to? No matter what you say I know ill be alone in some way. I wish I understood my own thoughts better… cold and shaking I still don’t know why I continue to do what im doing, for everything not just where I am… I end. But… When I find myself ill let you know.



         The easy part was waking up, it’s all uphill from here. Silence seems to make a better answer than any other anyway. Whys it always up, always up to me? You have a brain you can think… so why don’t you make up your mind a time or two? Shouldn’t I feel more alive? Cause all I feel is hollow. Just let me be, right now all I need is me, myself, and the sky.          



         I wanted to crash headfirst into the wall and thought to myself, well what's stoping me? and no one answered. They said help was on the way... but no one came.