Self degrade

Carving and carving I begin,

Like a family carving a pumpkin

for Halloween,

Only this time,it ain't Halloween,

It is summer,

And I sit carving my heart.



I am left alone,

me, myself and I at home,

No one near to hear,

No one dear to care,

Then I ask myself 'Why'

The silent house echos my reply 'You



I remain the black sheep of the family,

Strong is my hold upon myself that i refuse to let others help,

I am a repugnant to myself,

I hate it yet i love it, where is my heart ?

Where do my feelings reside?



Gone like the wind and the people who left me behind,

I repulse myself but I love it

I grew up amidst thorns and thickets

Love is a luxury to me

Which I cannot  afford



I carved my heart in pain,

Breaking it until I almost lost the will to live to see another rain,

'it ain't worth it,you are not the first neither will you be the last, you can walk away and start afresh,'

The devil in me groaned 'nay',the angel in me screamed 'yay'',

I had to make a choice.



The clock ticked twelve,

I awoke to a sunny noon.

It is time to live,

I gave in to the angel.

Smiling warmly,I stepped out to the day saying my first good day in years,

It is time to live a self actualised dream.