A True Twilight Story - My Own Jacob

If you are a fan of the Twilight books, you will probably have a better understanding of my analogy but it’s not totally necessary. One of the reasons the story captured my heart the way it did is because I can relate to it in many ways. Bella is a shy, insecure and uncoordinated girl, feeling like she just doesn’t fit in anywhere. I was her once and in some ways, still am. The other thing about it I can relate to; something I have never even told my husband, Kevin before is that, he is my Jacob. Yup, that’s right my Jacob. Which means there was also an Edward in my life too except in my story, my Edward never returned for me. Everything happens for a reason though. Sometimes our lives take a turn that we didn’t expect or didn’t hope for but then you suddenly realize what you really wanted all along is really right in front of you.
Before Kevin came into my life, I had met a young man right after I joined the Air Force. (We were both 19 at the time) He truly was like Edward too - handsome, charming, polite and very old fashioned. I nearly had to beg him for a kiss after our third date. I fell head-over-heels for him, thinking he was the one for me, but then our relationship came to a screeching halt when he received orders to Panama and I received orders to Guam. I was crushed. The day he left for his station I felt just like Bella when Edward left her and she laid on the ground in a crumpled mess, weeping.
We kept in touch through dozens of phone calls and letters. He even made cassette tapes with his voice, talking until the whole tape was full. Those were usually pretty intimate. There was no internet back then, no Skype. We did this for several months, looking forward to hopefully seeing each other again. It was young love. The feelings we had for each other were mutual. We had so much in common it seemed like were meant for one another at the time.
But all the while as I waited, I was like a recluse. It was hard to enjoy life without thinking about him constantly, and I found myself just existing and not really living. People thought I was weird. I can’t blame them. I was like some faithful Labrador watching the door till its master comes home from work. Silly. I look back on it now realizing how pathetic I was, hanging onto some dream. Maybe I’d watched too many movies or read too many romantic novels thinking that’s how love was supposed to be. It was just the kind of faithful heart I had though, and stupid me, I probably would have kept on waiting forever like some Rapunzel rapped in a tower, waiting for her prince charming.
When our tours finally ended, we both received new orders. But yet again, they were not in the same location. We would be separated still. My Edward was the first to come to the realization that we would probably never see each other again and decided it would be best to just move on. I think I realized it too but didn’t want to accept it. There was no phone call, he just sent me one of those painful “Dear John” letters, telling me how much he loved me and would never forget me but just couldn’t go on like this. It broke my heart. For weeks that followed I was like Bella when she sat in her room like a lifeless zombie.
The only place I found any comfort or refuge was going to church. I wasn’t a big church-goer growing up, but when I was in basic training camp, church was the only place we were allowed to cut loose and express emotion. You could cry, laugh, joke…just be yourself. From then on, I liked going. I just felt like I could step away from everything when I was there and be myself. I finally made some new friends and started breaking out of my shell. I also got a new roommate at the time and we started hanging out and doing things together. I tried dating a little, just to open the doors, but every date I went on was the same. I felt nothing. None of them were my Edward.
One day during a bad storm, the power went out in our dormitory and the fire alarms started going off. We were forced to evacuate the building into the rain and wind. I didn’t think to grab a jacket or umbrella since I was still half asleep. Both wearing our pajama’s (since it was the middle of the night) my roommate and I huddled under a tree trying to stay as dry as we could. While we stood there shivering, wet and cold, waiting for the fire department to shut off the alarms and let us go back to our rooms, a young man walked over and offered his rain poncho to us. It was Kevin. He made a joke that I can’t recall but I remember it was followed by his nervous laugh. Even through the darkness and rain, I remember him having the bluest eyes that stood out the most and his jet black hair accented them perfectly. He had a warm smile too. My roommate and I took his poncho and wrapped ourselves in it and he stood there and all the while talking to us, asking where we lived and what we did and such. He seemed surprised when he discovered I actually lived in the same building, though just on a different floor. He said he’d never seen me around there. I wasn’t surprised considering the fact that I barely came out of my room much before this. He seemed really nice, the overly friendly type and I felt a little drawn to him. It was the first time I looked at another guy and actually felt something. When I finally got around to asking what he did in the Air Force he told me he was a fire fighter. The first thing that went through my head was, “Oh, great…you’re one of those”. I’d met several of the guys from the fire department before him and it was known fact that they were all “dogs”. All the ones that I had met were players too, so I figured, why would he be any different?
I didn’t even give him a second thought, until I saw him again, which wasn’t for quite a while. It wasn’t until I was at our Christmas party at the Enlisted Airmen’s Club that I bumped into him. I was with a date. Another young gentleman that was in my unit had asked me out. He was good looking and he seemed really nice. We hung out and danced but again it was the same old feeling. There was no spark. Nothing clicked. This guy wasn’t about to pull me out of any depression that was for sure. By the end of the night when the party ended the club opened up and people were hanging out and dancing. For some reason I decided I wanted to stay. I hadn’t gone out in a while and I just wanted to have some fun if it was at all possible. My date however bailed on me. He decided to call it a night and went back to his room. I still stayed. I hung with my roommate and danced with some friends. I actually had fun. Then at as I was getting ready to finally leave, I saw him. As I chatted with friends saying goodbye, he stopped to talk to me. I can’t recall what we talked about but I remember he made me laugh. I hadn’t really laughed like that in a long time. He had a very humorously quirky personality. I really liked it and I felt some normalcy around him. He was easy to be around. I also don’t think I could stop looking at his eyes.
It took him a while but he finally asked me where my boyfriend went and I said, “He’s not my boyfriend.” I explained that he was just a date and he’d bailed on me. I could tell Kevin was pretty happy about that. Then he seemed to struggle a bit, but he finally mustered up the courage to ask me on a date. He had this look on his face like he was expecting me to give him some excuse or a resounding no, but I said “Yeah sure.” He was like, “Really?” and I sorta chuckled at him. He reminded me of a kid that just won a prize at the fair or something. I didn’t know if he was pretending or not but I thought it was pretty cute.
We went to the movies on our first date. I was quite excited, and that was a first. I hadn’t felt giddy like this in a long time. As I was trying to get ready for my date however, this guy named Mike came to my dorm room. (I’m dead serious, that was his name! Yeah I know…just like Mike Newton, right?) I had tried dating Mike previously. We hung out a couple times and he even took me to dinner just the night before. We also kissed once but even though he was actually pretty nice and we got a long well, he was just another one that drew a blank for me. The feelings just weren’t there.
As soon as I opened the door and saw him I was like “Oh no. I have to get rid of this guy.” But it seemed really mean to just shove him out and say, “Hey sorry, you need to leave because I have a date.”(Especially since we just went out the night before) He then proceeded to come into my room, sit on my bed and started pouring out his feelings for me. “Oh good Lord, not now!” I thought.” This was getting really awkward. I just didn’t feel even remotely the same for him. I felt really bad but time was running out and I had to get him out of there before Kevin came down to get me. I finally told him I had a date. He asked me “With whom?” and I told him it was Kevin. Suddenly he went in to total mellow dramatic mode. I swear I thought the guy was gonna break down in tears or something. And I still couldn’t get him to leave! It was too late though. Kevin was already knocking at my door and here was this guy Mike looking all sad like I just killed his cat or something. When I opened the door, I think I said something like “Um…Mike was just leaving.” I didn’t know what else to do. My date is standing there waiting on me (he looked really good by the way) and here’s this guy, on my bed of all places, trying to keep me from leaving.
Reluctantly, Mike got up and headed out the door. He greeted Kevin who gave him the weirdest look. I quickly locked my door and tried to make a run for it. I swear I could feel Mike’s eyes boring into the back of me as we walked away. As we started walking though, Kevin tries to do this really sweet thing. He takes my hand and says , “Come here, I wanna show you something,” and he starts pulling me, not further away from the dorm as I really wanted, but behind it. He stops me and says, “Look!” and points. I looked at the horizon and there was the most beautiful sunset I’d ever seen. (If you’ve ever been to Guam you know what I mean) Pretty romantic for a guy right? Except, out of the corner of my eye I can still see Mike glaring at us with his mopey-looking puppy dog face. Ugh! I was so completely uncomfortable I said the first really stupid thing that came to mind, “Um, I’ve seen better… Can we go?”
Poor Kevin. At that point he probably thought I was a real jerk. I had to wait until we were far enough away that I couldn’t see Mike anymore, and then I finally apologized and explained to him why I was trying to get the hell out of there. Turns out though, that guy Mike was Kevin’s roommate! Not only that… he knew about the date and ran down stairs while Kevin was showering to try and (haha) c*ck-block him before the date! Kevin was pretty pissed about it but I told him I had zero feelings for the guy and was pretty happy he’d asked me out when he did. He was a breath of fresh air actually.
We talked the entire way to the movie theater. He was surprisingly a very down to Earth kind of guy. I found him very easy to talk to and to joke with and he actually displayed more humility than I expected from some cocky young fire fighter. You know the type I mean if you ever watched that movie Backdraft with Kurt Russell, where they all act like they are God’s gift to women. Kevin seemed a more like me at first really - a little shy and insecure. But later I discovered it was only around me he was like that, not with his friends. Honestly though, I’d never met anyone I felt so comfortable with before.
I don’t think we checked the movie listing at all before we got there because the only thing playing was this movie called The Doctor, starring William Hurt. If you’ve never seen this movie before, I have to explain…so it’s about this surgeon (William Hurt) who’s kind of an a-hole to his patients. He’s got really poor bed-side manners and just simply doesn’t care. Everyone’s just a number to him. But then…guess what? He finds out he’s got cancer!(I know, right?) And suddenly his whole life changes. Now he’s the patient and the tables are turned so he has to deal with all the adversity and pain his patients experience. His insurance paperwork gets lost, (ironically funny because he works in a hospital), they end up giving him the wrong treatments (accidently of course) and they end up removing part of his larynx just before putting him through radiation treatments. He also experiences the heartache of losing a friend he made while going through all this to breast cancer. He survives in the end but his life and outlook is completely renewed. He becomes a better person and a better doctor because of his experience. It’s actually a pretty good movie, not what we expected to see for a first date though. Kevin has always been one of those people who avoids those Disease of the Week kind of movies, so it’s kind of funny that that was our first date movie.
We talked the whole way he walked me home, non-stop. I liked that. When he dropped me at the door I waited for that first kiss, and I was kinda bummed when he didn’t try but I thought it was a good sign. We hung out every day, watching movies or going to the beach. I felt like a new person. He healed me. I do remember our first kiss though…he came to my room after a dentist appointment. His bottom lip was still dumb and he was talking funny. It was cute. I remember he wore a black t-shirt that day and his eyes really stood out. He managed to make me laugh again with his usual jokes. He was good at it. He actually asked me for a kiss. (Awww) Yeah, my heart melted too. I told him he could if he promised not to drool on me. He didn’t miss a beat. He was already looking down at his t-shirt wiping it and said “Huh?” I laughed just before he gave me the best first kiss ever. He said he wished he could have felt it though. (Ha!)
As we spent more time together I started to realize, I no longer missed my Edward. The emptiness I felt when he left was gone and the hole in my heart was filled with a new ardor. I remember the day I told him I loved him and that I no longer desired to go to Mc Chord AFB (that’s where my Edward was stationed at the time). In fact, I wanted to stay right where I was. Kevin was happy about that too.
Within a few months I did receive orders however; to Nellis AFB Nevada. I would be leaving Kevin behind and coming to the states. It pained me to think I might never see him again. He was not only the man I truly loved with all my heart, he was my best friend. I had felt like it was me and him against the world and nothing could get in our way…until now.
Kevin filled out what’s called a Dream Sheet in the military. It’s where you list the top ten places you’d like to be stationed before you get transferred to another duty station. Kevin made Nellis AFB his first choice. Just so you know, the chances of getting the first place you chose on your Dream Sheet, is usually slim to none though in most cases, unless you can prove some sort of hardship. We still didn’t know if we’d ever see each other again.
The day Kevin called to tell me he’d gotten his orders, I could hear the emotion in his voice. I thought this was it, we’d never be together. But that wasn’t the case. He was actually in tears because he got it…he would be coming to Nellis within just a couple months. I couldn’t wait! And when he met me in the airport, he lifted me off the ground and gave me one of those kisses that people shout “Get a room” at you for. This was in November of 1992 and we finally tied the knot on August 21st 1993.
For those of you who remember that old song “Unanswered Prayers” by Garth Brooks, that’s exactly how I feel. “Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs, that just because he may not answer doesn't mean he don't care. Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers”
And for you Twilight fans out there, now you know why I am on Team Jacob. It’s funny because even Edward knew that Jacob was better choice for Bella; that he would give her the life she deserved and keep her safe from harm. Bella always felt comfortable around Jacob too. He made her feel whole again when she was empty and her life was falling apart. He was there for her when her Edward was not. Who knows what would have happened if he never really did return. It’s something I have wondered. I’m happy that mine did not come back for me. I wouldn’t have changed a thing