Obsession

OBSESSION

Anne stands in front of the floor length mirror in her bedroom staring at her naked body.

Her room’s painfully neat and tidy. The furniture’s sparse, nothing but a bed, a single wardrobe and a small chest of drawers beside the bed. The bed’s hospital neat with not a crease in the covers. She has a few books sitting on the chest of drawers in a neat pile. Everything is arranged with precision. Not a book or item of clothing out of place. No wrinkles or creases anywhere.

She’s tall and painfully thin. Her ribs are clearly visible on both sides. Her skin is sallow and unhealthy. There are fine tufts of downy on the inside of both thighs. Bone ridges stick out on both shoulders. She’s so thin she’s almost skeletal. Her hair is almost down to her waist. A life time ago, before food became the centre of her world it was a beautiful shade of blonde. Years of carefully, deliberately starving herself have left it a faded yellow blonde. It hangs about her thin face with no shape or form. There are several bald patches, mostly at the back of her head. Since she got sick her hair’s been gradually falling out in clumps. She had a bath when she first woke up and the water was filled with limp hair follicles. Her legs are thin little sticks that are barely strong enough to keep her upright. Dizzy spells are becoming more frequent. Her arms are thin, frail twigs. Her hands are as thin and small as a child’s. Her skin is unhealthily transparent. Her lips are pale and cracked.
She feels enormous compared to the last time she weighted herself. She pulls her weight book and a measuring tape out from under her mattress. She measures the circumference of her waist using the measuring tape and consults the book. She measures the circumference of her thighs, upper arms and shoulders. She’s 3mm wider all over. Blinded by tears she records her new measurements in the books and stuffs it back under her mattress with the measuring tape.

She carefully makes her way to the bathroom at the end of the hall. She takes a bad dizzy turn on the way and has to lean against the wall for several minutes taking in deep breaths. When she finally stumbles through the bathroom doors she steps the scales. She takes a deep breath and looks down at them. The needle stops halfway between 4 and 5 stones. She steps off the scales and angrily shoves them away with her foot. She’s three pounds heavier. She’ll need to eat smaller portions or she’ll get fat again.

She wraps a dressing gown around her body, steps into a pair of slippers and does downstairs. The pile of letters behind the front door is becoming quite large. When she’s lost some weight she’ll look at them. She goes into the kitchen without putting any lights on. The brightness has started to hurt her eyes.

She prepares breakfast. She takes a bowl out of one of the cupboard’s and fills it with one and a half spoonfuls of cereal and a teaspoon of milk. She pours a few drops of fresh orange juice into a glass. She takes a grape out of the bunch in the fridge. She crushes the cornflakes with her spoon until they’re soggy and slices the grape into tiny fragments