Falling

Once, I was alive. I was strong and glowing. Illuminated by energy, soaking it in and radiating. A tiny bud reaching out to the sun. I was loved, a small true perfect life. I gazed blindly upon the delicate magnificence and it stole my breath. The vision so true. Solid like the tree, rooted deeply in my mind. Burrowing there, it stuck with me. A glimpse, maybe not meant for me. But I soaked it in. I breathed it out and bestowed my self to all life. I was beautiful then.

Events with no pause to the dislimning of a life. Shoved, blown off course and stunted. Tiny strains in the stipule as wind blown whispers rustle off in the distance, familiar yet uncomfortable and rough. The mighty blow that uprooted the first and left the rest barely alive, getting brief glimpses through the leaves. Never sure it is seen at all. A connection severed.

Bracing for the plunging fall, the cleansing rain washes the filth away. Sextillions of atoms converging, the wind stabilizing the slight change in weight, the steadying of the midrib. Stimulated as the droplets trace the veins in the body. Catching the tiny almost invisible hairs sending shivering tremors through to the very roots. The sudden empty feeling, the loss, as the drops roll off taking some piece with them each time. Worn down to a smooth thin shimmery ghost no longer safely grounded but left to flutter back as the droplets quickly flee. Tiny and broken, the sweeping emotional veins slowing their healing nurture.

So strong are the winds of storms too relentlessly pounding to hold on any more. Ripped away, feeling no longer tethered to the base. Beaten by the howling, whipped by the terror and bitten by the tears. All connection lost suddenly. Adrift, abandoned and alone. This memory is strong. A blow rendered, launched into the dizzying tail spin. Suspended, breathless, and stunned by the sudden shock of isolation. Rendered empty.

An unseen whisper lost far behind, rising playfully. Teasing. Pushing this way and that. A fresh wind suddenly nudging then dropping and catching. Breath coming in scared gasps with each teasing toss until it no longer matters and the longing for change in any direction, finally overcomes as weightlessness sets in and the air tantalizes as it plays. The sensation of falling a welcome relief. Swaying slowly, rocked like a loving memory ages past. Sleepily hushed into the motion. Devoid of what was. Before a deep slumber takes a hold, a glimpse, a subtle reminder, a sudden stab of loss.

A change in the wind, strong support out of thin air pushing up, up and a stability of calm motionlessness sets in stalling the fall. Not falling, lifting. Thoughts of small desires and the tiny breath of joy teasing the edges. Tipping back and forth gently. Rocking the prospect of new life found, playfully teasing, swirling the memory of what was, just out of reach. An unforeseen zephyr, caressing as it wraps, securely embracing the soul.

Lost and transfixed, in the wind blown change. Pushing. Off course, off balance, emotionally tumbling, plummeting. Twisting agonizingly, acrobatically through the stabbing branches with quickening speed and agility. Closer, closer, yet never impacting. Shoving, flipped and tumbling sleepless and scared. Yet longing desperately for the interaction and touch. Any feeling. The awakening newness. Turning, spinning summer salting until the insides twist in agonizing pain reminding like a thorns stab. Infused with hope.

Relinquishing the struggle. Relaxing into the wisdom of truth and cradled, once again. A new found, strong armed hope. Soft whispers of so many lost memories. Remembered, missed, wanted and desired. A parachute of hope jerked into bloom opening the ablily to see through the foggy remains of disillusioned times. New strength illuminating the soul, emanating the light within. Glowing warm, inviting and strong once again. Soaring onward with a renewed sense of being, of completeness that was long ago lost. The winding twisting path now set.

Embracing the fall. Reveling in every twist. A new outlook in every flip and wind swept reprieve. Showing once again the beauty encapsulated. Relaxing into self being and accepting what is to come. Soaring until nothing more than the delicate skeleton of self remains. The core, the truest ties of being, the best of life. Deciding that it is time to rest deep in the earth and to be reborn again.

My only hope is that I will be seen. That the struggle was fought for something bigger than myself. Someone will see in the 'oh so delicate' lace work of my inner being, such beauty, that I will have a profound impact on them and they will forever remember me as giving some small joy and deeper meaning to life. The skeleton of a leaf, so intricate in design, one will almost question its existence . Until, delicately laid on the floor of the earth, I will remain until I exist no more save for the beauty that I infuse upon your soul.