Battle Not Won

It’s there and though you can’t see it I can
It stops to laugh while I fight with the strength of a man
Once again it laughs, harder, knowing it’ll never give up
I’m only human, breakable, not made of all the right stuff
So while I fight you, silently smiling on the outside
Can’t let anyone know the pain you bring
Always laughing, knowing you’ll forever win
But I kept fighting I sure the fuck did
I was proud of who I was making sure you were always at bay
Then I woke up one day only to realize that I was now your slave
I had gotten too weak to fight you anymore
You snuck in when I slept planting your lies in the hole you bore
I had no idea at first what you’d done
Thinkin I’d lost my mind but this fight I thought I’d won??
Once upon a time I was strong enough
Now you control me, I’m your puppet
You spin me round putting thoughts in my head
Looking at my family no strength left
First time in my life truly wishing I was dead
I hope you’re happy you won your conquest
14 years and I never knew it was a contest
You snuck in and out playing your games in my brain
You don’t even exist and you drive me insane
Get out of my head let me be normal BE REAL
I want to live I want to love, Leave! I want to FEEL
At my lowest nothing left to take
Yet here you are putting that test to the fate
As long as I breathe I know you’ll wait
Step back when I’m strong Sneak back in when I’m not
An unwinnable battle with no choice but to be fought
Unfixable, unforgivable, unlovable Dead
You’re the last thing left inside my head
Still telling me those lovely things as you rise
Failure as a mom, even standing in their eyes
Wake up kiddies you’re in for a surprise
I took your mommy for a lil ride
This time I don’t know if she’ll make it back
Stuck where I put her, wanted her, on the wrong track
She doesn’t even speak for herself I do!
I took the one you loved as she begged for you
Your sisters your dad
Too damn bad
I’ve waited long enough to conquer this quest
She fought like a bitch not once did she rest
Remember that when your tears hit her chest
She fought her hardest knowing all along I’d win