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Rated: 18+ · Poetry · Personal · #1818971
A silly poem about bizarre gifts from my equally bizarre husband

For my twenty-second birthday
you gave me a handmade pinata
of the dragon kite from Tikki Tikki Tembo
painted blue.
Smashed open with a dirty broom handle,
yoghurt-covered raisins and a vibrator
clattered to the floor--
wonderful obscene sprawl of robot cock
  and jizz bullets!

For our first Valentine's Day
you made me a papier mache heart box
and in the box-
  Edward Penis Hands.
This should not have been opened at work.

You've given me electronics of the non-pornographic variety.
Music players and gaming devices.

You have never bought me jewelry
or given me a venereal disease.
This is a fair trade.

I lost gwen in a bloody battle with a surgeon's knife,
four months later you gave me Simone.

You gave me an amaryllis that never bloomed,
I married you anyway.

You gave me two brothers, a lunatic mother, a beleagured father
You've given me Alan Moore, Shane Black, Simone DeBeauvoir and Genesis
You gave me a coffee table that sits in storage,
chipped on the corners.

I've taken all of these the way I take you
With pleasure, laughter, surprise
And occasionally
dismay
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