Sketched by Thoughts

  being born into the privilege of equality, & freedom it has been the mixed affirmation that the god given independent will is capable of dreaming, choosing, & becoming anything desired. it was a strange process to view the menu through the trees so to speak of the forest that negotiates ones emotions, enthusiasm, & self confidence required to manifest reality in the decision. always the listing of options were unstable & rarely brought into focus enough to hold substantial devotion to applying attentions toward the necessary footwork. the constant flags raised before my eyes to the fact that my priority has been to improve the frequency, vibration, & stability of my sense of being is all that is desperately longed for. as the shapes familiar within the beginnings of memory are only now identifiable in that a pessimistic mood is attached, but that a blessings count is preferred.

  only now has taken a long time, & the inner battlefield to esteem oneself in the day to day platform where one is randomized & uniqueness gone in the fellowship to be joined with each educational phase where a standard of learn-ability is set. the set pace was one that overwhelmed my self conscious insecurity to keep up with the information being presented. so my handle on the interactive world was frozen in the struggle to find my place on the page being read out loud. the anxiety increased as the desperation to be united in harmonious study dominated the state of mind that would come to be familiar. as others i observed seemed to be enjoying the stimulus of learning about the enormous diverse study fields to explore became the dividing space between experience to draw from when at the family dinner table whose reaction to inquiry about the day would bring. the appeasing influence to get through blocks of time without too great a fuss was the describing reply as being “fine”.

  for the most part of understanding built as some sense of reason, & purpose was expressed in the activity of being bored. as a natural approach towards this perceiving existence would become the adventure & universe styled as escape via a strange, & creative opposing feelings to the classrooms uncoordinations as the effortless stream of surrealism enters through imagination. as some things dazzled the senses so the relation to mainstream programming would be compromised. chaotic anxiety, panic, & worry would come in waves in an ocean of disconnectedness less a shortcut to higher dimensions of being is felt. long was the time to consider a serious, even an eternal consequence as being relevant until through this process & through a sheltering obstacle of oppression would be the latent provision where-bye discovering would be available. how the expectations if any were far extended past the imaginable in both delightful sensations & suffer-able torment cast down for the blurred line between the song & the dance. such is the knowledge gained to surrender childish things & devote to the simpler traditions of sowing what one reaps.

  how many layers in an onion, or corridors within the halls of pandoras box would become the obstacles in the path now for the observance & judgments cast down through the process endeavoring to win self discovery. the world once boring has become the circus of self consciousness felt by many into the intentions of estrangement amongst the habitual preoccupations of outer presence. even a stabilized direct observer to report drama has infected my spontaneous initiative. one might even picture what an alien insecticide to prey on another being with the mutation of a grotesque fetish of flavor to consume the vulnerabilities, & adversities challenging the life of a being compounded by the disadvantages strategized to torment for the cruel, intrusive suspicions infecting the bug eyed studious efforts of an invading presence to respective & equal privacy. i can picture the large strange eyes & tentacles sharpening & cleaning its fangs over the consumption of reporting the offensive gossip defaming the prey.

  the experience of my more permanent body is the spinning light energies that like the waters in a pool reflect surrounding in oppositions upholding the poignant focal stabilities that plateau manifest physical non hypnotic equilibrium. for the one of the first times pleased to vibrate down low hum steady in frequency felt to be bodily still. notice silence, & calm to not have to account for the spinning orbits of multifaceted incrementation & tides moving in congruent alignment to the solar orbiting gravitational planetary & neutrons chemical & molecular architectures.