Spill My Guts

Spill My Guts
Let's say that I go to the hospital
And insist that the doctors fix me
And they agree, seeing something in my eyes
That reflects something more serious within

Upon opening my weak, fragile body
Doctors would find a peculiar sight indeed;
Rather than a smooth, strong system
Working in harmony, everything in it's own place
Acting as it should
They would find--to put it simply--chaos
Confusion

The nervous system was on high alert at all times
But still susceptible to surprise
The digestive system was fickle
At some times wanting it all and more
                   (as a matter of pride, more than anything)
And at others not wanting much at all
                   (as a means to enlightenment, more than anything)

But strangest of all would be the heart.

Only half-full, but half-full of longing
In want of many things

In want of adventure, a clear-cut quest
To give purpose and meaning to the life that heart gives
It swells, just a bit,
Beats faster, just a bit
But deflates again, punctured by reality
Back to it's slow, monotonous process

In want of strength, mental and physical
Strength to know truth
Strength to protect
Strength to understand
Strength to be
                   more.
The heart beats faster, swells a bit more
Takes on a hefty weight
But deflates again, overburdened
By the weight it tries to carry

Most of all though
There is a bittersweet longing
One that the heart both welcomed
                             and coldly rejected.
It is a longing, dare I say, for

                             love.

The heart is in want of love.

The heart cries
The heart screams
The heart laughs
The heart bleeds

All this time it suffered
Alone, as it wanted
But it also wanted          to reach out.

                   And love.

But continuously, as though it were a necessary cycle
The timid hand reachs out and recedes
Never making it very far in the first place.

Yes, the heart is in want of love.

Just like any other heart, I'm sure.

The doctors, uncomfortable and unsure
Would stitch me back up
And send me on my way


There really wasn't much hope of fixing anything, anyways.