I am the master of my fate

People. Human beings. Me. You. Everyone.

We put so much pressure on our relationships with others. Friends. Boyfriends. Girlfriends. Family members. Colleagues. Customers. Strangers in the street. People can make or break a day. Ruin a good mood. They can make us feel on top of the world. Or like our world has been turned upside down and we can't possibly hold on any longer. They can build us up. But they can also tear us down. They can make us laugh until we cry. Or cry until there is nothing left to do but laugh. We put our happiness in the hands of others all too often. They have the power. Well I demand the power back. Immediately.

I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul.
William Ernest Henley.

I am tired of clinging on to toxic relationships. I think everybody has them. The people that have the ability to make you feel bad about yourself. Worse than you thought was possible. You feel bad but you have no idea why. You haven't really done anything. Those people that have the ability to twist and distort situations so they always come out the victim and you always emerge begging and pleading for them to stay in your life. Always apologising. For something. Most of the time your not even sure what. Those always having a pity party. Sucking you in to their dramas. But never there when your having a drama of your own. The ones your always clinging on to. Even though you don't know why. Purely out of habit. Because you can't imagine life without them. For some reason you need them. Though most of the time all the reasons have escaped you. Toxic people are just that. Toxic. They do more bad than good. Toxic relationships need to be disposed of in a sensible and sensitive manner. There is nothing wrong with letting people go. Nothing wrong with setting yourself free. Nothing wrong with looking after number one. Sometimes it is necessary.

It is all about the positive people. The people that brighten up our days. Those that we look forward to seeing. That we smile when we think about. Those that make us feel good about ourselves. Those that we would do anything for. And we know would do the same in return. Relationships are about give and take. Two people coming together and making each others lives better.

I have put too much pressure on finding joy from a romantic relationship. Having one made me feel normal. For a while I felt like everybody else. When that normality was taken away. I felt scared and exposed. Once again returning to my status as the single girl. The eternally single girl searching for something which does not exist. Only I am not ready to give up on that dream of true love just yet. And why should I?! Why should anyone?! True love does exist I am convinced of it. And when I have found it I will know. Until then I will probably be kissing more frogs. But when my Prince emerges I will be waiting.

I need to find true complete and utter happiness from within myself. And most of the time I do. But most of the time is not enough. I want more. I like the way I look. I like the person I am. I can name many things I like about myself now. Which is an improvement on times gone by. I am more self aware than ever before. I know my strengths and I have accepted my weaknesses. I guess I am (dare I say it) finally growing up. Growing in to myself. Growing to accept myself. And in my new grown up persona I can honestly say I won't let people get to me any more. I won't be knocked down. Or pushed around. If people make me feel rubbish I won't think twice about cutting them out of my life. Life is too short to be surrounded by selfish doom goblins who drag us down. Suck out the joy and the light. Turn even the brightest colours a dingey shade of grey. But if anyone tries to darken my skies and drag me down. I have the strength within to drag myself back up. I am my own sunshine. I have the power.

For I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul.