Till You Come Back,Everyday is Yesterday

The two figures sat on the floor cross-legged and stared at each other. From faraway, people probably thought that they were on some odd staring contest. But, if only they could come closer, they would be able to see the fury in the girl’s eyes, furthermore the way she was shaking terribly from all the anger she’s been holding. And the guy in front of her had a look of complete hopelessness all over his face. The two figures had been in the same position for the past fifteen minutes since the last shouting lead by the girl.

The air was getting tighter and tighter around them, beside the fact that it was summer and the sun shone with all his pride from the outside while they only got a small fan to shoo the heat away, it was probably the silence, which was supposed to be cold, got heavier and heavier as seconds ticked by.

All of sudden, the girl stopped shaking and looked down as if someone found the button of her anger and turned it off. The guy in front of her seemed to realize the change straight away and shifted a little due to his shocking moment. His helpless feature had turned into a complete confusion as he swallowed his dry saliva down to his aching throat.

“Go then. I wouldn’t care anymore”

The girl mumbled while looking down to her hands, The guy’s eyes widened then he sighed loudly. His right hand gripped on his soft brown hair tightly as if he was frustrated with himself before then he crawled closer to the girl. He took both of her hands and rubbed them together with his, memorizing the feel of her skins which he wouldn’t get to touch for an uncertain period of time.

“Don’t say that”

The boy whispered quietly. His voice cracked on the edge but barely audible by the human ears. He then pulled the girl into his embrace tightly, as if it was the last time and there’s no tomorrow.

“I’ll come back. I’ll be back before you know it.”

He felt like a liar when he said that. He himself didn’t even know if he’s ever going to come back. He’s not sure himself. But he had to make his girl sure about it. He badly would want to come back. Hell, he didn’t even want to go. He didn’t want to leave his home.

The girl stayed in his embrace unmoving, like a broken doll she was, pale and unmoving. She was unable to make a move. She felt dead. Her body was heavy and her mind was buzzing. She’s dysfunctional as if someone just pulled her battery out from the socket.

“Don’t say that you wouldn’t care anymore. You’re my home. You’re where I belong”

The guy whispered once again as he buried his head to the girl’s avocado smelled black hair. The smell that he wouldn’t get up to every morning where he would always find the girl snuggle up onto his chest sleeping soundly.

“I can’t bear to see you holding someone else”

The long unwanted day came along; the girl woke up with a kiss on her forehead and the sound of fading foot steps. She buried herself deeper into the comforter they shared which she’d have to say “the comforter they used to share” as the day after that came by. Inhaling his scent that would soon be gone, she couldn’t get herself up to face the day. She felt like those fallen autumn leaves outside her window, dried up and on the ground, waiting for the wind to move them away.

The guy walked slowly one last time around the place that had been his only home for the past two years. He took one last look before he shut the door behind him. His step grew heavier and heavier as he walked further and further away from the wooden door which he badly wanted to run back to. If only nothing mattered and the were various of options , he would still be there, be inside the small apartment room curled inside the comforter with his one and only girl, his home, his everything, enjoying the first blow of morning autumn wind through their small bedroom window.

Day by day passed by slowly for the two people. The girl barely moved from her bed. She’s either sleeping or just zoning out, getting lost in the memory of yesterday and yesterday before the guy announced that he was going for an uncertain period of time. Everything finally reached its toll one day when her head could no longer deal with the grief. She crawled out from her bed and rummaged through her secret drawer inside their closet, seeking for her old friend, the white substance which would bring her to the land of nowhere, an escape from the reality.

She lined up the substance into a neat four lines and reached out for the nearest scattered dollar she could find before rolled it up into a perfect tube outline. Not long after that, she’s found herself leaning onto her bed post, slowly drifted out into the oblivion, escaping the pain and the reality she’s currently on.

The guy in the other side was struggling to keep his smile plastered on his face. His mind wouldn’t stop flashing worries after worries for the one he left back in that small apartment. His home. He couldn’t stop thinking about how’s the girl doing. Every day, every second he got, he would think of the girl who could make him feel safe.

“Honey, do you think this dress look good on me?”

He snapped out from his other train of thoughts to meet the figure with long black dressed in sky blue gown. But the figure suddenly changed into a long pale and blonde haired woman, the woman who he was meant to wake up to every morning since and then.

“I can’t do this anymore”

He slurred one night after bottles and bottles of alcoholic beverages on the shoulder of his best friend who was in the middle of dragging him home. The best friend couldn’t do much but sighed and kept on dragging the body which was bigger than his back to his car just like that one time back in the past times.

“Take me to her, please. Just one last time …”

He begged his best friend as he buckled him down onto the front seat. The best friend spared him a look of disappointment but after seeing how much of pain his friend was bearing, he gave a half heart nod.

The girl was out once again when her front door opened. She was too lost in her high in the parallel world when the two figures entered her room. She felt someone cradled her into a familiar embrace. The embrace which she’s been longing for days. His embrace. How much she had missed that.

“I wish you’re real. Can I stay here?”

She mumbled weakly and still intoxicated with the white substance running deep inside her bloodstream.

The guy saw his girl laying on the floor beside their bed as he entered the room he had miss ever since he stepped out from the apartment building. The room smelled like dead. It was no longer smell like the usual roses which would lingered around his nostril everyday before he left for work and when he came back home. He sunk down and cradled her girl into his arms. Her avocado hair smelled like rotten fruits as if it’s been left withered.

“I’m here. I’m real. Wake up. I’m in reality!”

His drunken state disappeared at the time he reached his home. He cried and rocked the unconscious girl’s body back and forth. He had spent days denying the fact that his greatest fears would come true, and it did. All the struggles both of them had gone through just to clean the girl up were gone into ashes as he left her alone.

“We have to go”

The forgotten figure of the guy’s best friend spoke up from his position against the door. His face was hard, no certain emotion was written.

“My sister needs you”

The last sentence left his mouth and echoed through the guy’s brain, his sad feature turned back into an angered one as he hugged the girl tighter.

“Why me? Why couldn’t it be someone else?! Why me? Dammit!”

He’s more of to mad at himself than actually mad at his best friend. He couldn’t be mad at his best friend anyway. He was not meant to.

“You’ll be back to her once my sister is dead anyway”

The guy’s best friend muttered bitterly as his mind went back to his baby sister, a petite woman who had not much time to linger around the world. He’s just helping her to complete the bucket list, his baby sister’s lists of things she would want to happen before she left.

He, this best friend, never was a good big brother to the only family he had left. Since both of his parents passed away, he had to take care of their family business and barely had time to take care of his sick baby sister. At least, before she left the Earth, he wanted to complete something for her. The last thing on her list was to get married to this one guy, who was hugging the love of his life as if he would die if he let go.

The guy himself was once a poor homeless guy. One night when he almost died of starvation, this best friend came along as his savior. He gave him food, clothes and shelter. Not only that, he also gave him a job to support himself and a place as his best friend. That’s why he couldn’t say no at the offer and couldn’t be mad because he’s not meant to. How could you be mad at the person who was once your savior?

The guy tucked the cataleptic girl back to their bed quietly. It pained him deeply to take another step back just like days ago when he dragged his suitcase and his feet out from the room. That yesterday was replaying again like a déjà vu. He once again had to leave his home, the place where he felt the safest, into the world of strangers.

The girl woke up the next day in cold sweat. Another nightmare consisted of her boyfriend smiling happily with another girl in his arms. She clutched her shirt which covered the part of her aching chest. Even though she understood the situation, she just couldn’t. She couldn’t do it. She felt insecure. There were a lot of what ifs running inside her brain. In the other side, she had started to feel the guilt crawling from beneath her skins, the guilt for her conscience who was wishing for the other girl just to leave the world already so she could have the arms of her lover back around her safely.

She lined up the last bag of her “Dream Land” substance on he table and made a mental note to call her old dealer later.

The guy was getting married. It was two days after he went off wasted and visited his girlfriend who was out of the cold, just like when he found her for the first time inside one of those luxurious VIP lounges inside his best friend’s club. The girl was one of those famous top models and he was a guy who took care of a record store, his best friend’s record store.

“No wonder why you smelled like old library books”

He remembered her words that time when he told her about his life and his job.
“But I like it”

The girl chuckled and went off to nowhere, leaving him alone, dumbfounded. He found her later sprawling with her eyes half opened beside the club’s toilet.

He brought her home that night because he didn’t know where she lived. Since then, she never went to her own home. She made herself home at his house and he found himself home in her.

“Get yourself together”

He snapped out from his reveries to find his best friend’s hard as rock feature. They were standing beside the podium where he’s going to be officially tied by a pair of rings with the woman he never loved.

The wedding was starting. He could clearly hear the wedding theme played through the old fashioned organ from the other corner and a group of people started to hum along with the tune. Somehow, it sounded like a requiem to his ears.

The woman … that petite woman who could have chosen someone else to stand on his position was walking slowly through the long aisle with a smile on her face, closer and closer as he felt his happiness flew away along with the steps of her white heels. They’re all gone as her hand reached out for him. He just wanted to disappear.

The girl, who was dressed formally in her white blazer and mini black dress for the wedding day, sat in one of those long wooden chair inside the big church. She tied her hair up just like in one of her shots for Vogue magazine and her face was covered in make up to hide the tear stain. The look on her face betrayed the feelings that she felt inside. 

She was just opening the door for her dealer that day when she found out that she was invited to the wedding, the wedding of his boyfriend and another woman she once met at a formal occasion. She had no idea who would have put it there either just to mock her or for another reason. The thought of it was probably her boyfriend who put it there made her heart ache more as the long gone anger slowly arose from the hole inside her broken heart.

There she was two days after she dreamed of her boyfriend cradled her back in his embrace, perfectly dressed just like when she’s walking on a runway, attending the wedding of her boyfriend, or as she should call him after she clapped when the groom kissed the bride, her ex-boyfriend.

The corner of his eyes caught the figure of his girlfriend in the middle of those people he had no idea about, clapping her hands as he kissed his bride. His eyes widened but when he was about to turned around to make sure, he was pulled away by his bride to walk out through the aisle.

As they stepped to the third row, there she was. He saw her clearly. She was dressed formally with a fake smile plastered on her face. And he was crushed inside at the sight.

Few days later, the guy was sitting beside his dying bride when he heard the news announcer read the news with a blank expression.

“Supermodel, Kimberly Watson, was found dead at her penthouse this morning”

And he didn’t hear the rest as his mind automatically blocked out everything.

The girl overdosed on her heroin as her heart grew more and more longing for the missing embrace.

The guy disappeared right after the funeral of his bride two weeks later.