Socialism Plan

Yet another rich, pampered Hollywood type has come out in favor of socialism. That’s right. Michael Moore and Sean Penn have been joined by Joss Whedon in calling for a new utopia to be created by advancing the cause of true social inequality in America! How could we ever be so fortunate!

To help these gentlemen in realizing their dreams, I am inviting all three of them to sign up for a revolutionary experiment. And the best part is, they need not remove themselves from the rest of the nation in order to take part!

Here’s how it will work –

First, these three multi-millionaires will be asked to sign over all their assets, with the exception of maybe three or four changes of clothing, to a quasi-independent organization that I will set up for them. This will include any real estate, stocks, bonds, savings accounts, art, furniture and personal holdings, including family heirlooms and trusts, and future earnings.

These items will be immediately liquidated, in order to free these gentlemen from the evil trappings of capitalism. Funds gained from the sale of these items will be used to fuel our experiment, and to help bring other, less fortunate individuals on board.

The next issue to deal with will be location. For this, I plan on purchasing, with our new collected funds, a series of run down tenement houses in the heart of New York City. I will start with a simple five story, fifteen family dwelling, and expand as resources and demand become available.

To satisfy the needs of the people, I will issue a monthly allowance, out of which each tenant shall pay rent, purchase groceries, secure utilities, pay taxes, and provide for their own entertainment. This being a socialist experiment, I think the sum of 1500 dollars a month should be more than generous.

Now, I am sure that the only reason why I will not hear from these three eager socialists in waiting will be due to the low profile of my article. If only I had a way to reach a wider audience, I am sure they would be jumping at the opportunity to join my community.

Either that, or it is proof that they are hypocrites.

Time will tell.